For all you office workers to help kill the boredom.

[Ramius]

http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/sh...9&postcount=16

[Ramius]

You Know You Drink Too Much Coffee When...

"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Wolf again."

Damn bugger shit!

Oh dear, I just realised that I have a letter from a Brazillian thanking me for what I have done for their lives. I have put 3 members of their family through school with shoes! Coffee, handed down by god, so I don't have to get pissed!

[Wolf]

It must be said: Despite the references to Starbucks in the above post, I won't drink that crap they try to pass off as coffee. Way dearer than anyone else and it's mediocre at its best.

I'd have to be seriously decaffeinated and suffering the world's worst withdrawal headache before I bought any of their product again. (And the thirty-or-so other cafes within walking distance would all have to be closed)

As for decaf - we used to have it at home when a certain friend of mine was a regular visitor as he doesn't drink real coffee. I used to ensure the spoon was washed and dried after making his coffee before stirring the others lest the drops on the spoon dilute the real coffee we were having...

"Here's your coffee, hon. Dave, here's your Devil's Brew."

[Big Dave]

"I got sunshiiiiine, on a clouuu-dy daaaay..."

Ha! - More like I've got this whole Xena fantasy thing happening...but it's a big guy thing.

[feistyredhead]

i love it...now were is my devils brew?

[parsley]

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once everyone has gotten Over their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

No, no, no. If you switch directly they'll all notice. The trick is to start mixing decaf in with the real stuff and gradually increase the ratio so they end up drinking pure decaf after 3 weeks.

Or so I'd imagine...

[GN1NiteStnd]

How to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

1) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

2) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.
Wear them one day after you boss does. This is especially effective if
your boss is a different gender.

3) Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by
these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm going
to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha."

4) Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what
you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."

5) Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as much since
you did this.

6) While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call
everyone Madge.

7) Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get
coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.

8)Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you're
waiting for your document.

9) Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask them
if they want fries with that.

10) Send e-mail back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an
intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to
settle the disagreement.

11) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized
chair-dancing.

12) Put your trash can on your desk. Label it "IN."

13) Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.

14) Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza or donuts or cake
in the lunch room. When people drift back to work complaining that they
found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, "Oh you've got to be
faster than that."

15) Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. once everyone
has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.

[Sniper]

Fridays coming soon, so here something to calm your minds...

Insanity Helpers

Many things to get you through the day.


When someone asks you to do something, ask if they want that super-sized.

Run one lap around the office at top speed.

Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one other 'non-player' must be in the toilet at the time).

Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.

Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."

To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.

When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!".

Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".

Walk sideways to the photocopier.

While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.

Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it".

Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).

Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).

Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on and off 10 times.

For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob".

Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two".

After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in "the report's on your desk, mon". Keep this up for one hour.

While a co-worker is out, move their chair into the elevator.

In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, PLEASE! All of you just shut up!".

At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again".

In a co-worker's diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in tights".

Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?".

Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now".

Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it".

Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.

Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.

Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.

Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.

Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and donut, smash each donut with your fist.

During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.

Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.

Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

Play a tape of jungle sounds at work all day.

Send this website to everyone in your address book, even if they have sent it to you or have asked you not to send them stuff like this.

At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

Page yourself over the intercom (don't disguise your voice).

Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.

Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".

Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors'.

Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think".

Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy".

Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.

Don't use any punctuation.

As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

Ask people what sex they are.

Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

Sing along at the opera.

Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite sex).

Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.

Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.

Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

Call the psychic hotline and just say, "Guess".

Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, 'Rock Hard'.

When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!" "3rd time this week !!!"

When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"

Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, it's the voices in your head that do."

Every time you see a broom yell "Honey, your mother is here!"

[kickingzebra]

tee hee hee I rikee velly much

[one fast tl1ooo]

Ways to annoy People
1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

2) Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)

3) Insist that your e mail address is: Xena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com

4) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

5) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronised chair dancing.

6) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."

7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

9) In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favours.'

10) Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."

11) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."

12) Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.

13) Dontuseanypunctuation

14) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

15) Ask people what sex they are.

16) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

17) Sing along at the opera.

18) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

19) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)

20) Send a e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.

21) Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.

22) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

23) Call 111 and ask if 111 is for emergencies

24) Call the psychic hotline and just say, "Guess"

25) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.

26) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!" "3rd time this week!!!"

27) When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot,yelling. "Run for your lives, they're loose!"

28) Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, it's the voices in your head that do"

20) Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go"

30) Everytime you see a broom yell "Honey, your mother is here

**And the Final way to annoy People.... ...... Send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or have asked you not

[duckonin]

What was in your coffee this morn ?? can u spare a bit?