Weddings - Experiences funny & otherwise

[Bloody Mad Woman (BMW)]

Part I - 1st Marriage
Aint hindsight a great thing.

I first got married 2 months into turning 21 - 20 was too young but 21 wasn't. I left home as soon as I could 17 going on 18 -moved from Nelson to Wellington. My father refused to talk to me for quite some time. So I get to Wellington and private board with an absolute nutcase of a family. A hicktown, over-protected, naïve, innocent/gullible young woman. Oh boy the crap that went on there - you wouldn't read about. Left that place and went flatting. He was 33 to my 19. That's a story in itself. Got into a flat with 4 others much older than me. By that time so much had gone on that I had a "meltdown". Alot can happen in 2 years!!

Phil was 6 years older and such a kind, caring person. He talked to me a lot and treated me as an equal. Purely platonic - well in my mind. He would hug me - he always kept asking me to marry him. Stupid here thought he was joking = who the hell would want to marry me. One nite I was particularly low and I said yes. As stupid as it sounds what follows is fact!! The next morning I thought Oh my god what have I done. I can't go back on my word (forced up Catholic by dictatorial father who I called The Gestapo). 3 months before the wedding Phil says "I don't know whether we should go thru with this wedding thing", I replied I was in no condition to make the decision so leave it up to you. Went into the kitchen and thought if I was fkn normal I'd chuck this ring in the garden and wdn't look for it! A month before the wedding I'm walking up Boulcott St in Welly - past St Mary's of the Angels where I was to be married - to please Daddy and give him the full Catholic Mass - despite me being very anti-catholic at this stage and Phil is an athiest. (The meetings with the priest were hilarious - Phil challenged him big time) thinking it is only wedding nerves - no its not - yes it is. I had been told what to do all my life and I wanted my Father to tell me not to go through with the wedding.

We had a best woman and a best man. Phil's friend Kay and a male friend on his side and I had a male friend and girlfriend on my side. I loved that. It was neat. I had made my dress and the girls. I did the flowers and buttonholes - but stupid here forgot it was 2 days after valentines - not many roses around - but I got up 6am the day of wedding and bought the stuff - pretty mangy lookin roses. LOL I think my mother stayed that nite cos we had a massive argument first thing. (My mother and I did not get on) but I tried to include her as much as possible. I was feelin pretty stressed doing everything on my own - and had made the comment - I don't want too many people around while I dress to which I get from Mother "Oh I don't suppose your own mother is allowed to be around". FFS.

Anyway wedding at 3pm. Kay gets out of hospital that morning - at 2pm she's wandering around drinking and not dressed! Everyone is comin in for their buttonholes and god knows what else, I'm not dressed. Chaos. In the end my sewing teacher pushed me into the lounge, sat me down, gave me a cigarette and a glass of champers. I actually don't remember the glass but do remember putting the bottle to my lips and glugging it back. Vintage cars arrive - first thing my father said to me (he'd been standing outside during chaos) "Gee you're a nervous wreck just like ya mother" not one word how I looked.

I'm getting out of the car and he says "Well I didn't think I would lose you so soon" Yeah well neither did I. I'm walking up the stairs and tripped on my dress - in the photo you can see me saying "Shit" Dad then said "Are you sure you're doing the right thing" Well too bloody late now isn't it - just keep walking was my reply!! I remember vaguely walking up the aisle frantically thinking "Christ I must not burp" Apparently I was shaking so much Dad was going to take my flowers off me - hell there were only 3 roses!!! I remember very little of the ceremony (too pissed). I came to after it was over and I'm standing on the church steps with husband and I'm staring at these people thinking "I'm sure a bride is spose to be happy on her wedding day". The "honeymoon" was a flea infested bach in Raumati - had to be cut short lol - I was allergic to the flea bites.

Many many years later I caught up with Kay - apparently her and I had got into the brandy before I polished off the bottle of champers. She said Shit Shirl we were 3 sheets to the wind before we walked out the door.

More parts to follow...

[Bloody Mad Woman (BMW)]

Part II
Phil's Wedding to Ana

I took my ex-boyfriend to my ex-husband's wedding. I made Phil's outfit and helped Ana with her wedding dress. Apart from immediate family - no-one knew I was his ex wife. During the meal, it came round to me "how are you connected with the couple" Oh I flatted with Phil some years ago. Anyway my partner was up getting me a drink and he overheard - Phil's been married before - wonder what his ex wife was like. He was hard pushed not to say - actually she's just sitting over there.

My ex father-in-law and I were dancing and I said to him well at least Phil's marrying the right person this time. "We hope so but you were good to him".


Part III My second wedding - some 13 years later.

I was never getting married again. Famous last words. When I met 2nd husband I was a real sick cookie. I didn't think it was possible to find someone sicker than me but I managed to. In hindsight I say - I should have gone to the nearest psyche unit, married someone there - at least they would have kept him there.

He came across as a "nice guy". I met him at a BBQ and remember looking at the guy and thinking and what the fk would I have in common with you. I had just undertaken a major transformation in my life, gone to Fiji and worked there for a month Had a few revelations that were not pretty. Upon my return he kept ringing me, within 6 months he asked me to marry him. I asked him whether he was pissed and had he actually thought about this. I said Yes and kept the BUT bit to myself thinking I don't know him very well. We had a few hobbies in common. He had a loving family, and I wanted to be a part of a family. (My family - to all intents and purposes I didn't exist). His first marriage - he wanted the big flash wedding. 3 months before we had a big glitch, he drank way too much. I had a mentor who was very manipulative and controlling (hindsight). (I have grown so much since - it is embarrassing to think how malleable and naive I was). On an almost daily basis this "mentor" was saying to me I was so sick, what did I know, all your problems are of your own making (to some extent yes). I asked her what to do. She suggested I give him an ultimatum - I can still recite that word for word. Personally I thought you don't give anyone ultimatums - but hey my life to date run by me was was fkd. I was so sure he would not stop drinking I thought Yes this is my chance out of the relationship. He shocked the hell out of me and stopped drinking. The wedding day was lovely. This time I went up the aisle stone cold sober!!

My oldest sister was bridesmaid - after the ceremony she turned to 2nd husband and said Congratulations Phil - using 1st husband's name. Phil was there and congratulated us.

Got back from honeymoon, and unbeknown to me at the time, husband had been fired from his job. He decided to set up on his own. I left that marriage spiritually, financially and physically broken. He was so bitter and twisted he dragged the divorce out for 4.5 years. And I came out in debt - in an age where a spouse is to get half. Time revealed I had married a lying, cheating, pathological liar and alcoholic. I had lots of lawyer problems. Anyway my lawyer (!!) advised to get out of Wellington for a while cos the little chappie was getting very very sick and threatening to finish me off!!

[Bloody Mad Woman (BMW)]

Part IV My Father's wedding.

After 30 years of marriage to my mother he rang her up and told her he was not coming home. Balless/spineless wonder couldn't face her. He was a seaman, converted manic catholic - the worst kind. Holier than thou. Anyway he'd been screwing around. Now he use to nut off about Mum being fat. Well fk me - you ought to see the thing he was screwin. That is definitely 2 paperbag material - in case one breaks. Roll her round in the flour and find the wet spot. Now my father is consider a good looking man = he could have had his pick. This thing was humungous. Now if I had not spotted them way down the road - I would have collected a lot of flies in me mouth. She made mum look positively anorexic and I aint kiddin. However she is really quite a nasty woman so they are well suited. I was prepared to do my best around her but she's far too insecure. $ signs were in her eyes.

Figure this: Dad willingly converted to Catholicism. My parents had to get permission all round to get married because they were only 19. His parents would not attend his wedding cos he had turned catholic. Anyway 4 kids in very rapid succession then a 6 year gap and my sister was born. 5 kids, 30 years of marriage and my father gets an anulment from the catholic church. Where's the sanctity of marriage, children and family that the catholics pontificate about!

HOW you ask. You pay enough money and you can buy anything in the catholic church. The divorce devastated my mother - the anulment annihilated her. I personally rang the priest and said How the fuck … he could not answer me and got most upset when I mentioned the money issue. My father had told me he was going to go for an anulment - I said to him Please don't do it Dad - it will hurt too many people. All because he wanted to marry the slag he was fucking in the catholic church. A first class hypocrite to the core. None of us were invited to his wedding - her 2 kids were. The slag knew none of us would keep our mouth shut esp when it came to "Is there any reason why this couple should not be joined". I'm bloody grateful I didn't know about it. He now lives in misery ever after. Her first husband had committed her to a mental asylum where she stayed for several years - I rest my case.

Have no work to do!! Take all the above in good humour - I do.

[Grub]

I had one.

[skelstar]

Hell of a story BMW. Makes you strong(er) I guess?

[MSTRS:Me]

First marriage, on the way to the church, the bride-doll on the front of the car got the wind up it's dress and it flipped dress and legs up over it's head. In hindsight, I should have married the doll....

[RantyDave]

That is definitely 2 paperbag material - in case one breaks.

Congratualtions, you are the first woman in recorded history to use the phrase "double bagger". And I'm not thinking about the flour and wet spot thing, it's just too nasty.

Other than that you appear to have not enjoyed too many things. I prescribe an immediate course of soft drugs and playstation.

Dave

[yungatart]

First marriage, on the way to the church, the bride-doll on the front of the car got the wind up it's dress and it flipped dress and legs up over it's head. In hindsight, I should married the doll....

You did marry the doll, darling - only it was the second time around and a few years down the track

[Maha]

You did marry the doll, darling - only it was the second time around and a few years down the track

You been reading to much 'Mills and Boon'..........

[MSTRS:Me]

You did marry the doll, darling - only it was the second time around and a few years down the track

...and a few more miles on the clock....

[KoroJ]

Are we going to get a Pt VI, and how long do we have to wait for the next thrilling installment?

I'm on my 2nd marriage but after reading that, I feel like I've been living in Stepford.

My shout next time we ride together.

[Motu]

1st marriage.......lunch time in our work clothes,me in steel caps.No ring.

30 years later I don't have a long sob story.....sorry....

[Edbear]

Father-in-Law gave us $500 and said to do what we liked, so we hired a hall, said everyone can come and to bring a plate.

Had a great time! Hilarious bit was when Father-in-Law strode up to the Minister after the cermony and had a piece of him because during the service the Minister read from the Bible book of Ephesians which counsels, among other things, that Husbands should be loving their wives as their own bodies, honouring them as the weaker vessel, etc. but then goes on to say that wives should respect and be in subjection to their husbands! Of course this subject has a lot more to it than at first appears, but the FIL told the Minister in no uncertain terms that he didn't bring his daughter up to be in subjection to anyone!!!!

The Missus was always a fiery one anyway and the early years were marked by some beauty scraps, but here we are 30 years later, still together, happier now than ever and looking forward to the next 30...!

Mmmm! That's 3 life-sentences so far...

[Macktheknife]

First marriage was not quite what I had anticipated, she turned out to be a bit psychotic and unstable. The old joke I guess "my wife ran off with my best mate.....
gee I miss him" lol
Now on to the real thing, best wife I've ever had, works well together, and we are doing good things for each other.
And she rides a bike!

[Bloody Mad Woman (BMW)]

I did write the thread in humour - it was not meant to be seen as a sob story. I can look back on it now and laugh.

I am enjoying reading the replies. Love hearing good outcomes.