Some double entendres...

[Hitcher]

1. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoria from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

2 . Murray Mexted, Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."

3. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew."

5. US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday."

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

11. Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."

12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it himself.

[slinky]

haha! good shit, don't ya just love presenters public fuckups getting exploited.

[Quartermile]

HAha, very good

Blinging....

[mstriumph]

Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World Superbike racing: "Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wished he had a hard on now."

Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This Morning: "She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night."

'Winning Post's' Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's formidable lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."

Ross King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond: "Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."

Cricketer Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: "With his lovely soft hands he just tossed it off."

James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: "What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"

The new stand at Doncaster race course took Brough Scott's breath away..."My word," he said. "Look at that magnificent erection."

Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race when he said: "They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions."

[Chisanga]

I can't remember exactly but...

"The bowlers Holding the batsmans Willey.. oh my god I don't believe I just said that"

[Maha]

Mexted also said...''we dont like to see hookers go down on guys like that''...
Commentating at an All BLACKS game...

[James Deuce]

I can't remember exactly but...

"The bowlers Holding the batsmans Willey.. oh my god I don't believe I just said that"

Gaaaah

"The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey.."

[Maha]

Gaaaah

"The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey.."

West Indies V England??......

[miSTa]

A man recently told me that I had the whitest teeth he ever came across.

Not true btw


There was a manager who was told by his boss that he had to get rid of at least one employee. So he narrowed the decision to one of two new employees, Jack or Mary. After agonising about it all afternoon he called Mary in first, and said, 'Mary, I've got a real hard problem; By the end of the day, I've either got to lay you or Jack off...'Disgusted by this Mary retorts, 'Then you're gonna have to jack off'

[skelstar]

(I think) Hamish McKay talking to Chris Cairns about going into business with his Dad making fudge:
"So Chris, how do you liek being a fudge-packer?"

Hamish McKay again talking to the newly selected Irene Van Dyke (a controversial non-Kiwi selection):
"So Irene, you have a couple of knockers out there?"

[onearmedbandit]

Can't remember the exact game, but a Black Caps match, during an over from Chris Cairns an international commentator was telling a story, paused momentarily, then said, 'I"ll wait a bit and finish this between Chris Cairns balls'.

Same commentator was quoted as saying, 'The Harris brothers are truly outstanding in their field'. Nothing wrong with this, other than at the time Christchurch, where the match was being played, was being terrorised at the time by the skinhead gang, the 'Harris Brothers'.

[MisterD]

They're called "Colemanballs", so-named by Private Eye after the incredibly gaff-prone pommy commentator David Coleman...Wiki

[Beemer]

There have been a few howlers in print too - the widely publicised real estate gaffe - "go ahead soil yourself, you deserve it" and in the local paper recently was an item about a guy who had lust pasture...

And I was given shit at school when I missed a volleyball shot and said "sorry, I don't know why but I always close my eyes when I see balls come flying towards me" - I think some of my friends still remember that line!