Hey, kids! Captain Hero here with Getting Laid Tip 213 - The Backrub Buddy!
Find a chick who’s just been dumped and comfort her by massaging her shoulders, and soon, she’ll be massaging your prostate.
2/3 of a cup of sugar dissolved in a little boiling water and added to your bottling bucket is sufficient to carbonate a 23L brew.
A normal size tin of wort is 1kg sugar & 21 / 22 ltr water. I used less sugar for dark beers & a little more for lagers but with a longer, cooler fermentation. Dark beers get a bit volatile if you over sugar them.
To keep my 750ml glass bottles clean, I always put some water in them overnight, no crusty spooge to clean out in the morning & no chundering down the line.
A teaspoon of sugar helps the medicine go down, oops, no, is about right for a 750ml bottle for the second fermentation. Lager is best left for a minimum 2 months, dark beers, a month to six weeks is ok. The longer the better really as long as they are stored cool.
Anyone seen the Williams Warn Home Brewery?
http://www.williamswarn.com/
Pretty cool.....pretty bloody expensive.....but pretty cool...and NZ made.
I've done all-grain brewing back in the states, but reverted back to extract kits while in NZ for simplicity. Heres my tips for these pre-hopped extract kits (coopers, et all)
Dont be tempted to use two cans as opposed to one can plus sugar or brewing "enhancer". The end result is higher gravity and potentially more alcohol %, but I was not impressed by the result. I used two cans of coopers pail ale extract, and instead of a pale appearance, it looked (and tasted) not much different from a spieghts old dark. (a beer I enjoy, but thats not what I was trying to acheive here). The only way to combat this is to raise the volume of water so the final result is not so thick and sweet (ie, the beer will finish with a FG of 1.020 if you dont add a and extra liter or two of water). With malt extract, the chances are very high that it will be extremely oxidized before you even open the can, so dont be surprised if your mexican cerveza kit looks darker than Tui. If you do use ordinary sugar, dont go overboard or your beer will taste like hard cider. The fermented sugar will produce a cidery off flavor. The guy i inherited my kit from did this and the off-flavor was very noticable.
As far as sanitation, I recommend using an oxygen based cleaner to clean the bottles/fermenter, then use a no-rinse sanitizer like starsan from a homebrew shop. A google search will give you best practices to follow using starsan.
I have had great success with homebrew, in fact i think I make better beers than the commercial breweries.
Good quality kits are the go, its too hard to mash at home.
Say you wanted to make a nice pilsner
Get a good kit like a Muntons, and a #62 converter. (a converter is just a mix of malt extracts and simple sugars to help get taste and alcohol up.)
Get some saaz hops if you want it bitter - I find the kits quite bitter enough, but its up to you. I normally buy saflager yeast, but the yeast under the lid is fine.
Cleaning.
Fill your fermenter (or a food grade bucket or stockpot if its all you have) with clean water. Add 1/4 cup janola and put everything you intend to use in the water to sanitise.
Try and work out more-or-less where 23 litres will fill the bucket to, and choose a bucket with a fair bit of headspace say 100-200mm more than you need.
There is yeast under the lid of the can, remember to take it out.
Put the can in the sink in hot water and get a beer.
Half an hour later boil the jug, and go and empty the bucket. Rinse it and the tools several times, you don't want any janola left it will kill your yeast.
Tip the can contents and the converter into the bucket. Use the can to put the rest of the hot water from the jug in the bucket, its bloody hot use mitts and be careful.
Mix mix mix mix until its all throughly mixed, I use a stainless spoon and I try not to scratch my bucket.
Pour water in from the hose - try and get as much air in as you can, you need oxygen in there for the fermentation to start. Stir as you go.
When the bucket is full to the 23 litre mark stop adding water, but stir stir stir until everything is well mixed.
Check the temperature. Saflager yeast likes to brew cold, 15 C is ideal, but all yeast will grow well at 18, so check temperature and let it cool to 18-20 C and then biff in the yeast. If you have an airlock put it on now, or just cover with glad wrap, with a pin hole in.
Keep it at 18 more or less.
Right now, the yeast is looking for oxygen. As long as we got enough in when we added the water, fermentation will start within about 12 hours. Good brewers wont actually cover the brew yet, they will leave it open to the oxygen, but a bloody fly or summit could land in it and add vinegar yeast, so on balance its best to cover. Anyway, after fermentation has commenced, there comes a point where oxygen has to be excluded. Its hard to pick the moment, so best compromise is to leave it covered.
In a few days your beer will have stopped fermenting. Don't ever remove the lid, that oxygen has all been pushed out by CO2 formed by the fermentation and that what we want.
Bottle and drink. For best secondary fermentation add about 5ml sugar per 750 bottle. Its not exact, we are only trying to get a bit of gas into our beer.
I dont actually bottle anymore. I keg my beer.
Instead of bottling I have a plastic pressure keg. After cleaning it, I carefully transfer my beer to the keg, avoiding adding sediment or oxygen. Then I put the lid on loosely and give it a little blast of CO2 from a soda stream bottle to help push oxygen out. Then I tighten the lid, and give it another few secs of CO2 so its now under pressure in the keg.
Way better than shagging around with bottles.
David must play fair with the other kids, even the idiots.
You have put some serious thought into this eh?
If you add a little of the yeast (from the bottom of the fermenter) to the bottle when bottling a lager will this give you a Weiss beir? Damn tasty stuff.
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