Who is your Kiwi Biker character?

**KoroJ** · 16th May 2007, 12:32

Originally Posted by Ocean1

TAE A FERT

Now thats cultcha mate

I thought you must have slept with the light on to come up with that, but looking at the time of your post, you obviously don't sleep.

Best laugh I've had since I heard The Dover went to the bin.

**skidMark** · 16th May 2007, 14:42

wtf r u lot on about?

**Ocean1** · 16th May 2007, 14:48

Originally Posted by KoroJ

you obviously don't sleep.

Any mair o yur lip an ah'll take ma haun aff yur face.

Sleep? right, "perchance to dream". Fuck that, ever woke up screaming and then noticed you're not asleep?

OK... (rummages in atic)

Oor school's a guid wan, it's made o' brick and plaister,
The only thing that's wrang wi' it's, the baldy heided maister,
He goes to the pub on a Seturday night,
He goes to church on Sunday,
He prays tae goad tae gie him strength,
To belt the weans oan Monday.

**skidMark** · 16th May 2007, 14:50

your on some serious P man

**MidnightMike** · 16th May 2007, 14:53

Originally Posted by skidMark

your on some serious P man

I think he's just scottish.

**Ocean1** · 16th May 2007, 15:12

Originally Posted by Hitcher

The Kiwi Biker Serious Burns Unit applauds!

SBU?... SBU... rummage...

This?

A doctor arrives for his first day at a new hospital, deep in the Welsh valleys. He is met by one of the sisters, who has been given the task of showing him around the hospital and introducing him to the staff and patients.

It is a large hospital and it takes the whole day to get round. The time approaches for the evening meal as they arrive at the last ward. They follow the dinner trolley into the ward and wait while one of the nurses lifts the lid on the food tray. To the doctor's surprise there is but a single haggis on the tray to feed a whole ward.

One of the patients moves towards the trolley in a purposeful manner addressing the haggis:

Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin'-race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm:
Weel are ye wordy of a grace
As lang's my arm.

Before he can reach the haggis another patient sprints forward, grabs the simple repast and dashes up the ward. He proudly holds the haggis aloft and cries out in a commanding voice:

Some hae meat and cannae eat.
Some cannae eat that want it:
But we hae meat and we can eat,
Sae let the Lord be thankit.

At this, a kilted dervish leaps from his bed, whips a skien dubh out of his sock and lunges at the haggis carrier. With a deft movement the haggis bearer fends off the flashing blade with the haggis. Although this prevents any injury it does result in the top of the haggis being hacked off. A small mouse waiting upon this obviously routine event dashes out from under a bed, grabs the loose piece of haggis and scampers up the ward, running the gauntlet of slashing claymores and hurled dirks from various patients. At the end of the ward stands a bent and wizened old man with a wild fire in his eyes. He screams at the mouse:

Wee sleekit, cow'rin, tim'rous beastie,
O, what a panic's in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty,
Wi bickering brattle!
I wad be laith to rin an chase thee,
Wi murdering pattle!

And then dives upon the mouse. With a left dummy and a right feint, the mouse dodges between the old man's legs, through a hole in the skirting board and to safety with his prize. The doctor turns to the sister and asks, "Why is this psychiatric ward full of Scotsmen?"

"Oh no, doctor, these are not Scotsmen, they are genuine valley dwellers born and bred", she replies, "and, anywa, this is not a psychiatric ward, it is the serious Burns unit"

**_Gina_** · 16th May 2007, 15:58

Ahem, ahem, me mother has gone to church
She told me not to play with you because you're in the dirt
It isn't because you're dirty, it isn't because you're clean
It's because you've got the whooping cough and eat margarine!

**Hitcher** · 16th May 2007, 17:11

Originally Posted by Ocean1

SBU?... SBU... rummage...

This?

That indeed. You seem to meet the requisite standard for membership. In fact you could be the Great Chieftain!

**Ocean1** · 16th May 2007, 18:00

Originally Posted by girlygirl

Ahem, ahem, me mother has gone to church
She told me not to play with you because you're in the dirt
It isn't because you're dirty, it isn't because you're clean
It's because you've got the whooping cough and eat margarine!

Irish Catholic by any chance?

Originally Posted by Hitcher

That indeed. You seem to meet the requisite standard for membership. In fact you could be the Great Chieftain!

“By his loins shall ye know him and by the length of his rod” (carefull with the zip...)

**McJim** · 16th May 2007, 19:18

So what's wrong with pretending to be Scottish online?

Everyone should have aspirations I think - my bike is naturally aspirated for example.

Funny how many people are nice and mild mannered in reality and yet cruel bastards online and here I am - pleasant and affable online and a Glaswegian Debt Collector in reality.
C Glesga?
C ma heid?
CU Jimmy?
CU NT

Stand up straight wee man ti ah put the heid in ye.

(Anyone who claims Glaswegians call Glasgow "Glasgae" can have a free broken nose byraway. It has always been Glesga! Glasgae is what the English folk fae Embra call Glasgow)