
Originally Posted by
beyond
This any better:
Objective
As the Employer, you will no doubt want to hire a suitable candidate who will fit in with your Company’s work ethic and be able to get along with your current staff.
Just as important is the fact that you will want somebody who will at least help to maintain but preferably improve your current annual profit levels.
I want to make sure that you achieve these aims. With twenty eight years of experience in the same company, covering just about every role and pushing far beyond my own comfort levels to gain an overview of how all processes fit together, I sincerely believe that my appointment will benefit you greatly.
First let me say it's good to be able to be honest with a guy who obviously takes constructive advice well. It also makes it easier to be brutally honest in the hope that you won't be offended. Here goes:
As a recruiter I don't like to be told what I want which you did twice in the first paragraph (as I highlighted).
'28 years experience' could be taken as indicating someone without the drive to move on to new pastures. Use it as a 'loyalty' thing.
To say you believe your employment will benefit me greatly could be taken as an implied criticism of our existing set up or might indicate someone who thinks the sun shines out of their own bum.
My version would read:
"I am a hard-working and amiable person and I'm sure this will allow me to fit in with your Company’s work ethic and be able to get along with your current staff.
I am a loyal employee as my 28 years with my previous employer will demonstrate. I covered just about every role and made sure I understood how all the processes fitted together with the over-riding goal of doing my bit to improve our current annual profit levels. I would bring this same work style to your company if successful with my application."
Just keep working at it Beyond and good things will happen. Feel free to PM me if you want. My sincere good luck with it all.
Grow older but never grow up
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