Urgent - Missing child (20 June)

[Conquiztador]

I assume U have been over to the YMCA and asked them to keep an eye out for him?
His school class (I assume he goes to school at 14), have U been in to ask them if anyone knows?
Most 14yo's today have a mobile. So you would have sent him a text saying that U only want to know that he is safe?
Shopping malls?
U know where his group hangs out in the evenings?

All The Best!!

[Disco Dan]

Important enough, this, to raise the dead.

So, how many bikers would it take to grid search the area? Couple hundred bikers asking "Seen this dude" is going to get round. Even if they don't find him, it's going to send a message that he's cared about and wanted .

I'm up to spend Saturday searching and doorknocking . How many others ?

Police members got any advice? Anyone in S&R ?

I would suggest a sperate thread... I am sure many would help out....

[SARGE]

I would suggest a sperate thread... I am sure many would help out....

we have him traced to a 1 km square patch.. he's got the instincts of a VC though and we cant pin him down ..

i jut got a text from him saying he is safe at least, but his idea of safe and mine are totally different.. i am trying to talk him home as we speak..


i mentioned that WHEN the cops catch up with him, he will have to face the consequences and those he is staying with are in deep shit legally ( if not legally, then i know a few ways to turn their miserable little lives to shit overnight , but i didnt mention that to him)

[Reckless]

If he txt you thats a sign he's softening a bit. Just take it easy. My kids just switch off, if I go on and on. My advice is, don't back down, but don't attack him until you've had him home for a day and he knows you love him and were fuckin worried. Actually I've been applying, you have to be responsable for your own actions thing. I quietly put all their shit back on them to deal with. Its been working too! oh just tell me to fuck up if you don't think I'm onto it!!

As said before "light on, door open". Then deal with the rest. Good luck!

[Conquiztador]

that he is safe.

FWIW I am single dad with 4 boys, oldest 18. When I was young I was a little like your boy. Would stay away, not follow rules, get drunk, trouble with police. I did not want to have kids like me, so I had a look at how I could be different to my parents. Time, I realised, with them was what I did not have. I did all my activities alone. And I had no respect for them. And they were alcoholics... When me and my ex started having major problems it was a easy decision to make where I should put my time and effort, the boys stayed and she was gone.

So I decided to be different to my parents. Spend time with my kids, be a mate more then a parent who always put down rules. (We have very few rules, honesty being the only major one. And it goes both ways) Me and my oldest go to concerts together, we work on his bike, we talk about everything, I take a interest in his sport, in his interests. He knows Im always there, I always take his side. (He still gives me a cuddle and kiss before he goes to bed...) The 3 younger ones are getting the same treatment.

Any decision I make I first look at if it is good for the boys. If the answer is no or not sure I will not do it. No matter what.

I have found that being a parent is not something U do when U have the time. U do it all the time.

I am sure you already knew all this and are doing all you can.
And I think I have just been lucky to have 4 brilliant boys.

Hope all works out well.

[Macktheknife]

i jut got a text from him saying he is safe at least, but his idea of safe and mine are totally different.. i am trying to talk him home as we speak..

Actually mate, might be worth trying a different tack with him, something he may not expect from you. Let him know you love him and will be waiting when he comes home but no mention of any 'consequences' as such, "just come on home when you are ready and have a meal and a change of clothes, then if you want to stay cool."
Doing this allows him some 'wiggle room' to save his ego and at the very least you will know that he had a hot meal and dry clothes, give him a sleeping bag and warm coat. If he stays then you have a good chance of having a meaningful discussion with him, if he feels that the 'consequences' are too scary or confronting he could find ways of making things worse or just not come back.
Best of luck with this tough situation mate, hang in there, he is a good kid at heart and it might be a while before that comes through.
Mack

[Colapop]

Just hang tough and keep the door open. He'll be home soon.

[magicfairy]

i jut got a text from him saying he is safe at least

Thank god for that. Hard to believe now but when he gets to about 19 - 20 you will both look back at this time, and he will apologise for what he put you through.

Teenage boys are just yuk between 13 and 18, then they turn into people again (well mine did)
Adolescent brains work in strange ways, don't be too hard on him. Right now he just needs to know he is loved.
Then one day he'll have teenagers of his own, and justice will be served.

[mark247]

we have him traced to a 1 km square patch.. he's got the instincts of a VC though and we cant pin him down ..

i jut got a text from him saying he is safe at least, but his idea of safe and mine are totally different.. i am trying to talk him home as we speak..


i mentioned that WHEN the cops catch up with him, he will have to face the consequences and those he is staying with are in deep shit legally ( if not legally, then i know a few ways to turn their miserable little lives to shit overnight , but i didnt mention that to him)

You better hope he doesn't have a computer and isn't on here reading this =P

But seriously, i hope all turns out well. Good luck. Boys will be boys ( trust me, im one of them )

[Nasty]

Sarge .. I was so sorry to read this thread .. one of the girls I work with was just saying that she did a similar thing to her parents .. and it was designed to scare the shit out of them .. he will come home ... just hold onto that ... with the wallet thing we all know we can go to the bank and get new cards easily ... so don't be surprised if he has some cash .. .someone does know where he is .. and they just ain't saying ... just remember to hug him on his return and let him talk when hes ready. My heart aches for you matey ...

[yungatart]

Man, as a parent too, I can empathise with you and understand how worried you must be.
Our thoughts are with you, Sarge.

[gijoe1313]

Sorry to hear about this Sarge, the KBers here have all mentioned good advice - I'm just going to add my positive thoughts and give you whatever spare good karma I have to you!

Hope your wayward son comes back to you soon! (And yeah, I've done a runner on my olds as well around that age - their softly softly approach worked so well I've never felt the need to ever do it again! )

[MSTRS:Me]

It would seem like your youngun is getting his head right before he comes home. I don't think that there is any right or wrong way to handle things, as everyone is different. You know your lad better than we possibly could, and even though I don't know you personally, I feel sure that you will do what is exactly right for you and yours.
And when he does come home, don't be ashamed to cry buckets when you hug him. He will see that you are human too, not 'just a parent'....

[judecatmad]

i mentioned that WHEN the cops catch up with him, he will have to face the consequences and those he is staying with are in deep shit legally ( if not legally, then i know a few ways to turn their miserable little lives to shit overnight , but i didnt mention that to him)

Sarge, really saddened to read this thread. It must be hell to be living through it.

As a few have already said, try not to be too hard on him when he does come home. He would have had his reasons for leaving - although they might not make much sense to most adults. 14 is a confusing, scary age.

I left home in the middle of the night when I was 16 - mum died when I was 13 and overnight I became solely responsible for running the house. All dad did was bring home the money to pay the bills (that's how I saw it at the time). At 16 it got too much and I packed up and went to stay with a friend and her family. Luckily I had a very good second home to go to. Was only there a week. My father, who had always been a bear of a man (a policeman..so you can imagine the level of discipline at home), met me outside school (he had waited for me every night, but I had used a different exit cos I was scared to face him - the last evening I gave in) and basically broke down and opened up to how much he needed me at home. Things still weren't perfect when I went back, but if he'd come at me all guns blazing as he always had in the past, I would never have gone home.

It's different with boys, I know, but the softer approach might be best given that he does need to come home for your sake and his. He still has to live by your rules, of course, but to get him home, he needs to not be afraid of consequences.

As for those who have sheltered him while he's been away - look at it this way - if there'd been nobody to shelter him, he'd have been on his own, on the streets, in the cold and wet. While it wasn't right for anyone to take him in and not let you know where he was, even if they were willing to fight to keep you away from him, at least he had somewhere to go. Surely that's better than the alternative? And if you stir up shit with these people once he's back home and he ends up doing another runner....what then? Please think about that and keep your boy's lifelines open.

I hope he comes home, safe and well. And I hope you guys can work out whatever issues it was that caused him to leave in the first place. Young teens have such a distorted view of the world, but as far as they're concerned, it's all very real. Take time to listen to what he has to say and try to understand. Even if nothing changes, at least you've shown him that you are prepared to listen to what's going on in his head.

(((Big hugs)))

[ManDownUnder]

HEADS UP

Shelby rang Sarge this morning 9:00ish and said he's coming home - he'll be there at 4:00.

SARGE will be offline for a while - I'll field any enquiries but will not divulge anything beyond my brief.

Anyone with experience of social workers out there? PM me please.