Urgent - Missing child (20 June)

[Nasty]

That is fantastic news mandownunder .. ... at least now they can work through their *stuff*

[judecatmad]

That's wonderful news!

[Paul in NZ]

I was not sure whether to post this in your thread Sarge but I hope it helps in some way mate. I think you know if I could help I would help OK?

This is obviously a bad situation and as you are now finding out not an uncommon one in many families. Kids run away nearly every day and while most of the time they reappear, sometimes they don’t come back. No matter what – you can always examine the series of events that led to this and ask what could I have done better and what should I have or have not done. In short the normal learning process we all use but in doing that you must not start to beat yourself up!!! I doubt that you are a bad person and good people, while they occasionally make mistakes are motivated by the best intentions. Ie what ever you did or didn’t do it was most likely the best you could have done given the resources you had and the situation you were in. No one can ever ask more!

Consider this situation….. (true and recent story btw)

A good friend of my darling wife has a daughter that’s around 28 or so and a traveling rep for an fmcg company. She regularly travels a section of country road, often many times a day. One rainy cold evening recently she was traveling home when she passed a young fella (about your boys age and size) trudging along without a coat etc It was pissing down and night was falling and he was miles from anyplace and she thought what a bloody idiot to be out in this without a coat etc…. Still, boys will be boys eh? Probably walking home from rugby practise or something Then she suddenly realized she was miles from anywhere and that she had actually seen this young guy 3 or 4 times that day over 8 hours trudging up that road and she cottoned on that something’s not right here!! To her credit she stopped and talked to him and got him to get into the car, took him home, gave him a hot shower and a change of clothes while she washed and dried his. She fed him and he threw it straight up…. He was in utter shock… He is 14 going on 15, he is one of 6 kids to a woman who has had multiple partners and is now pregnant with another child to a new partner who didn’t like him so – they threw him out of the house… Just like that, no support, no coat, no money and no place to go… All he could do when she stopped was ask how far to the next town lady? He had no idea where he was even…. Eventually this young woman has taken him to his grandparents but is staying in touch and will try to help him as her heart was touched by his terrible situation… I’m not making this up and yes it happens everyday as well..

Now consider your situation… Obviously there is some difficulty but I’ll bet your boy knows ultimately he is loved and that there is a warm place for him when he needs it. Despite any feelings you may have about the situation or how low you feel now, when judged on the greater scale of family, you have done far better than the norm…. Don’t beat yourselves up – love conquers all (eventually)

[magicfairy]

He was in utter shock… He is 14 going on 15, he is one of 6 kids to a woman who has had multiple partners and is now pregnant with another child to a new partner who didn’t like him so – they threw him out of the house… Just like that, no support, no coat, no money and no place to go… All he could do when she stopped was ask how far to the next town lady? He had no idea where he was even…. Eventually this young woman has taken him to his grandparents but is staying in touch and will try to help him as her heart was touched by his terrible situation… I’m not making this up and yes it happens everyday as well..

That brought tears to my eyes - good on her.

[Crasherfromwayback]

It's a bloody tough one that.....the woman has done a wonderful thing...but it could've also been a tad dangerous. That's the sad thing now.....a good deed can turn tragically bad. Like in Melbourne....or the lovely 15yr old that stabbed the elderly woman 25 times.....he may've looked quite ok too.

I guess you've just gotta go with your gut instincts.

Sorry....back on topic.....Sarge...bloody glad to hear your boys a-ok. Hope you have a smooth as can be patch up and sort out.

[SARGE]

Shelby has called this morning ..he apparently got hooked up with a SYPS worker somehow last night. now, i am NOT a fan of SYPS by any means, but i am willing to hear him/ her out.

what REALLY burns my ass is the fact that there IS a police report on a missing child and the fact that said social worker did not IMMEDIATELY ring me to let me know what is happening and let me spend yet another sleepless night worrying about my son. woulda taken 3 minutes out of their precious life to ring and say " he is safe, warm, dry and fed.. will follow up with you in the morning"

but no.. now at 11 AM i STILL have had no contact from them and i am no closer to knowing WTF is going on with y son.

all i have is a phone call and a txt saying that he will be here at 4 pm. i guess i sit back and wait now.. i cannot take control of the situation and i have to trust the fact that this is not a stall tactic on his part to call the dogs off.


if i express my frustration to SYPS on their handling of this .. it will be a black mark on my file ( one of many in many files i am sure) and if i sit back all meek and quiet, it will appear as if i dont care enough to do everything in my power ..

whatever happened to win/win

Shelby is controlling the situation right now.

that is NOT how it should be.

[Disco Dan]

HEADS UP

Shelby rang Sarge this morning 9:00ish and said he's coming home - he'll be there at 4:00.

SARGE will be offline for a while - I'll field any enquiries but will not divulge anything beyond my brief.

Anyone with experience of social workers out there? PM me please.

Great news MDU, social worker - PM sent. I have lots of contacts in this area.

FYI - CYF's are pretty shocking at following procedure.. as Sarge found out.

[Crasherfromwayback]

what REALLY burns my ass is the fact that there IS a police report on a missing child and the fact that said social worker did not IMMEDIATELY ring me to let me know what is happening and let me spend yet another sleepless night worrying about my son. woulda taken 3 minutes out of their precious life to ring and say " he is safe, warm, dry and fed.. will follow up with you in the morning"

but no.. now at 11 AM i STILL have had no contact from them and i am no closer to knowing WTF is going on with y son.

Yeah that's pretty rank if that's whats happened. I'd (if it were me in your shoes) be pretty pissed off by that!

[Paul in NZ]

Lifes a negotiation mate... Its a shock to have to negotiate with your kids but you do eventually... Like a good fight - the first guy to loose his cool usually looses... Choke it back and think it through mate...

[inlinefour]

Shelby Lee Barnett (SARGE's son)

Age 14


Missing since sunday 17 June
last seen Wednesday 20 June in Mt. Roskill around White Swan rd

wearing Jeans and a black hoodie

slight American accent

Contact Avondale PD or 111


I just need to know he's ok


see also http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/sh...9&postcount=25

Dunno why hes gone AWOL but if he is anything like I was, he will turn up again when the time is right for him dude.

[devnull]

Good to hear he's safe...

I agree with Dan, CYFS are not exactly known for keeping parents informed. I'd also suggest that you inconspicouously record the "interview" if they are going to be involved, purely for your own protection. Better to be safe than sorry....

[MSTRS:Me]

....
Shelby is controlling the situation right now.

that is NOT how it should be.

I doubt that he is, actually.
CYPS or whatever oxymoron of a title they use now are. And they are there for their own edification.
Sorry, mate, but you will need to bide your time...

[Oakie]

Had a situation like this briefly with our youngest daughter so I know what you're feeling. We came out of it all right by backing off a couple of minor rules we had in place with her that were small to us but from her perspective meant we didn't think enough of her as a person. That's the sort of Win/Win you can look for.
>'Win' for her was us accepting we should trust her a little more (which included letting let her know what our internet password was!).
>'Win' for us was knowing that she realised that anything could be resolved through reasonable discussion rather than by doing something extreme.

If your boy has a CYFS person in tow this afternoon, show your gratitude for keeping him safe and then do your utmost to get that person onside with you because it may just be that your boy trusts that person enough to listen to him/her where perhaps the communication between your son and yourself may not be that effective. Use the CYFS person as an ally, not a foe!

Hope it goes well for you anyway ... and remember, he won't be a teenager forever and they do improve with age.

[Bloody Mad Woman (BMW)]

Thank God he is safe. I know it will be hard but listen, remain calm, you don't have to say alot, act well. Fake it til you make it. This is the really hard stuff ay!! My thoughts are with you.

[Disco Dan]

Great news MDU, social worker - PM sent. I have lots of contacts in this area.

FYI - CYF's are pretty shocking at following procedure.. as Sarge found out.

If you want the number of a good counselor I can arrange something for you? She is also a good friend of mine, (like the social worker details i sent you) so gimme a yell if needed.