Give me your analogies

[Pixie]

Fred Gassit once said he was "drier than a nasty nun's dingo's donger"

[terbang]

A few more spring to mind...

'Off like a whores draws'

'Face like a smacked bottom'

'Banged like a shithouse door in a gale'

'Shit through the eye of a needle'

[inlinefour]

Massage the lips my freind, ....massage, massage...
oh.. is that un PC?

I just don't swing that way. Although any willing ladies out there that want it can come and get it. LOL.

[Kflasher]

My tyres were slipperier than an eel in teflon undies.

[Phils Motorcycles]

Pulls like a teenage boy with a credit card on a porn site.

[ManDownUnder]

Busy as a bee with a bumful of honey on a frosty Friday
Slipperier than an eel in a bucket of snot

[Holy Roller]

An old Pussers saying

How are you my old flower
Me bucket of spew....


I know its not an analogy .... maybe depending on who your friend is...

[vifferman]

A guy I worked with years ago used to use cliches/analogies in almost every sentence (e.g., "Be in there like a robber's dog", "Fits like a cock in a sock", "Cold enough to freeze the balls off a bowling green", etc.) After hearing, "Sticks like shit sticks to an army blanket" for the bazillionth time, I said, "How would you know?"
He was not amused
I don't think his time in the army was a happy one.

I've forgotten most of the ones I've come up with myself, but my boss started calling me "Random" after I said, "Run! Run like a baked bean!" to one of our workmates.
No, I dunno what it means either.

[Skyryder]

Analogies dear boy, is what he doctor can not cure.

Skyryder

[Swoop]

Built like a biafran racing snake.

[Big Dave]

Analogies dear boy, is what he doctor can not cure.

Skyryder

That's herpes, dopey. ;-P

[Hitcher]

Hotter than a Bangkok whore on heat.

[more_fasterer]

Uglier than Heilen Klerke without makeup.

[boratitis]
My anus is open like mouth of tired dog
[/boratitis]

[Sanx]

Goes like shit off a shovel.
As rare as rocking horse shit.
Smells like an Arab's jockstrap.

[Big Dave]

'The only decent impression he can do is of a man with no talent.'

'He's the most overrated human being since Judas Iscariot
won the AD 31 Best Disciple Competition.'
'She's famous for having the worst personality in Germany,
and as you can imagine that's up against some pretty stiff
competition.'

'It minds me not that you dress like a mad parrot and talk like
a plate of beans negotiating their way out of a cow's digestive
system...'

'You're the worst entertainer since St Paul the Evangelist
toured Palestine with his trampoline act.'
I fear your services might be as useful as a barber's shop on
the steps of the guillotine.'
'(Wales is) a ghastly place, huge gangs of tough, sinewy men
roaming the valleys terrifying people with their close-harmony
singing. You need half a pint of phlegm in your throat just to
pronounce the place names. Never ask for directions in Wales,
Baldrick - you'll be washing spit out of your hair for a
fortnight.'
'You are to be congratulated, my friend. We live in an age
where illness and deformity are commonplace, and yet,
Ploppy, you are, without a doubt, the most repulsive individual
I have ever met. I would shake your hand, but fear it would
come off.' -- Blackadder,

'He's got a brain the size of a weasel's wedding tackle.' -- Blackadder