Dads get stitched up

[Bykmad]

Provided there is no history of violence, there is no difference between a mother taking the children and a father taking the children. The Police will not get involved in a custody matter unless a Court Order is in force and has been breached. Marriage breakups are civil matters and Police can only enforce court orders. In a marriage/Defacto break up, provided no criminal offences have been committed (Assault etc) the Police have no powers to act. There is no offence of theft of a child, and also, unless custody orders are in place, one parent cannot kidnap their own children.

[kevfromcoro]

[QUOTE=civil;1130134]

If you do not have custody, you pay!!!!! /QUOTE]

Sort of right with your thinking, however ever if you have 50/50 shared care IRD will still go after you to pay up. Go figure!

Like I say not many fathers are willing to do what it takes to be with their children. We were not made that way to hunt and kill the woman we love(d). Woman on the other hand are / do / and will.

jeez u guys have got me paranoid..i have just been through a similar experiance..read my thread( the law and mens rights)..iam just going to thailand for a holiday..er..wot if i dont come back..just want it recorded somewhere...

[Jantar]

Believe it or not, the family court, IRD etc, are not sexist. The whole system is biased against the Non Custodial Parent. If you do not have custody, you pay!!!!! Doesnt matter whether you have Testicles or breasts, as the non custodial parent, you pay. There is no fairness, there is no equality. If you are the non custodial parent, you get shafted!!! The secret in a break up involving children, I think, is to leave and take the kids with you. That way the other half has to pay maintenance AND Matrimonial/Defato property must be split equitably. Dont leave the kids behind, because as soon as you do that, you are shafted.

She had two kids, I had one. And I paid family support for all three. It works against the father almost every time.

[u4ea]

She had two kids, I had one. And I paid family support for all three. It works against the father almost every time.

That is just WRONG......how the hell did you end up paying for all three???The system is pretty screwed alright!

[Mrs Busa Pete]

That is just WRONG......how the hell did you end up paying for all three???The system is pretty screwed alright!

Well i would question this with the IRD when my ex and i had shared custody he applyed for child support and i didn't just figured why bother he hasn't so i wont. Wrong 2 years later i got this huge bill for child support to my husband i just about died i'm talking thousands. Any whay to cut a long story short i did owe the money but they owed me more because over the time i had not applyed for the family support that i was entitled to and i ended up getting about 10 grand out of IRD.



If you have share custody of your kids you have to apply for child support you have to prove said child is living with you (which both partys have to do)
and then you get payed.

Well that is what happened in my case but that was a few years ago.

[peasea]

I will not jump on my soapbox bout this .. all I wanted to say .. good on you for being a great dad ..

dislike how kids become pawns to play like a chess game ..

& do not generalise .. it happens to both men & woman but its the kids who are generally in the middle

it would seem the need for revenge is quite strong these days, each party out to hurt the other as much as they can .. but most use the kids to do that ... sorry that just gets my goat ..

I avoided using my kids to get at the ex, quite the reverse of what she did. My lawyer described my ex as a "piece of work" and I flatly refused to stoop to her level. Now that the kids see how she operates they can make up their own minds. It hasn't been easy for them though.

Thanks for the positive comments.

[peasea]

Too damn right. I left my first marriage with the clothes on my back, one cat and my computer. I was lucky enough to later retrieve one of my motorbikes (the RE5) and a spare bed, but the ex sold the GSX750 and kept the proceeds. She also kept the house, all furniture, the car etc. Then I had to pay child support on an assessed income, not my actual income.

I thought all was well now that my kids are all grown up and out working.... Until yesterday; I received a letter from the IRD claiming I still owe them $59 child support from 1995. How come this is the first time they tell me?

I won't go into too much detail but I managed to get away with minimal payments to my ex. She started earing big gold after I paid to put her through Uni, so she doesn't need much from me (she just bought her third house...). The kids are well catered for. One of the reasons she fought so hard to have the kids for more than 140-something nights per year (to qualify for more than half shared care legally, blah blah..) was so that she wouldn't have to pay me. If she did, then I'd be laughing coz she's such a big earner.

IRD? Steer clear of them is all I can say.

[peasea]

Regarding kids, the Law changed in July 2004 which gave equal shared custody subject to mediation with a Court agreed Counsellor so things are better these days.

However, does not stop the power games. My ex cancels my Daughter's medical appointments without telling me, did not tell me that she took Nats to Starship last week, refuses to share Nats medical situation or use medical equipment that I just happen to be given first by the Wilson Home , but does not let me have equipment she is given for trial her partner threatens me because I stand up to this crap when they refused to let me have the backup wheelchair.

But I have my girl half the week, I have no resentment and you just have to remain focused which is why I kept the car, most of the contents and the house so I can look after Nats............it has cost me financially but kids arfe priceless.

Good on ya, sounds like you are doing alright despite the crap and that is the main thing.

It sounds like you've had it worse than me at times. It's such a drama we can all live without and again the kids are the meat in the sandwich. All I got from inside the house was a stereo I bought in '82 (its outdated but still punches it out) workshop manuals, an old computer, an old SLR camera and less than half a massive CD collection. I had to go around there one day and uplift my tools while witchypoo was at work, then she accused me in court of stealing them! It was such a joke.

[Grahameeboy]

It sounds like you've had it worse than me at times. It's such a drama we can all live without and again the kids are the meat in the sandwich. All I got from inside the house was a stereo I bought in '82 (its outdated but still punches it out) workshop manuals, an old computer, an old SLR camera and less than half a massive CD collection. I had to go around there one day and uplift my tools while witchypoo was at work, then she accused me in court of stealing them! It was such a joke.

There are no real degrees to this shit..shit is shit matey....trouble us even though you stand upto it you still feel like the troublemaker..if that makes sense?

[peasea]

Dumb question..

Why? Why do you pay maintenance when they're with you? Why isn't she paying you the money if you've got the girls?

It's not a dumb question; it's a dumb system.

It goes like this; we go to court, it gets nasty. She wants full custody but the lawyers agree it'll never happen, no grounds for that, ie I'm not violent, no third party etc. The deal was written up and at the time (things are different now) I did ok. I got half the Christmas holidays, all the term holidays (Monday to Friday) and every second w/e. That looked fine but what it meant was; I had to drive my life through several part time jobs so that I could be with the girls during my allocated times. That allowed HER to continue with her high-paying job (I'm the unpaid babysitter, see?) AND there weren't enough nights spent at my place to qualify for 'half' shares of the kids. I pay her, every week, even when the girls are here. I've had this out with IRD several times and they say their hands are tied.

THEN, a couple of years ago, she tries again for full custody. It was thrown out in a nanosecond and the magistrate was quite irate that my ex had wasted court time. My (new and subsequently sacked) lawyer then put it to the magistrate that the girls wanted more time with me, which was awarded, BUT, even with one extra week per term with me the number of nights is still JUST under what IRD percieve to be 'half'. I'm about three short, therefore I pay.

In closing; the lawyer was SUPPOSED to go for an extra six weeks per year, but got me one extra week per term. If he'd done his job I'd have been over half and my ex would be paying me shitlaods based on her earnings. I don't earn shitloads so she gets sfa from me by comparison but it stll hurts, especially when the kids are with her, even over that part of the Christams holidays that they are with her!

Sorry for the rant, hope that clarifies things.

PS: If you want the name of a lawyer NOT to use, PM me.

[peasea]

LOL...if only it was like that in ummmmm REAL LIFE.
Sure there may be words on paper that say such yet it doesn't always happen like that....as I have already mentioned I know this from experience.
A woman(no offense intended Ladies) can claim violence and the man is done...or at least is done until he can prove otherwise....once again I know this from experience in real life.

Ah! Bingo.
I had a standup argument with my ex on her balcony one evening, I'd gone to the front door and she came out with the phone in her hand. It got heated, she took a swipe at me with the phone and I grabbed it off her. She called that tecnical assault, rang the cops and there is now a domestic violence thingy on my sheet. Marvellous. The non molestation order wasn't awarded though, so that's something. However, the court took her word for everything and her affidavits are full of lies. What can you do?

[BuFfY]

Some dads deserve everything they get.
But it does sound like you got the raw end of the deal.

My dad left, after having an affair for three months, so he didn't deserve to take half of the contents, or to have us for a set period of time. My sister and I were far too hurt by him to want to have to commit to spending time with him.
He now sees us once a year. Rings occassionaly. We fall out often because he forgets how to be a father.

Now my poor mother is going through the same thing again. Been married since January and was all ready to pack up and move to Melbourne in August. Quit her job and everything. Now she will be jobless, husbandless and homeless. He deserves to have everything taken from him, the way he is treating her is disgusting

[avgas]

I'd just like to say
"Good on you hard working Dads"
My dad was in the same predicament, and i give him a lot of respect for what he did. So don't think its all in vain.....your kids will respect you.
On the flip side of the coin i have very little respect for mum and she got a relatively free ride.
We are too PC in this country - but its like the old saying goes
"It takes the bigger person to walk away from the fight"
you guys are huge.

[peasea]

There are no real degrees to this shit..shit is shit matey....trouble us even though you stand upto it you still feel like the troublemaker..if that makes sense?

Yeah, it does, I did feel like that and the looks you get when you're putting your case don't help. I made the effort to always turn up tidily dressed, was polite and thought I was doing everything possible to give my kids the best deal available. In hindsight, I should have gone for full custody perhaps but my eldest sister (who has five kids and is a great parent) always told me that whatever happened the girls would eventually come back to me. She was right, it's just a shame they had to endure their mothers b/s, the courts and the counsellors. The latter, it turns out, actually acted illegally at one point (interviweing the girls before they'd been appointed counsel for child) and my useless lawyer didn't uncover them.

[peasea]

Some dads deserve everything they get.
But it does sound like you got the raw end of the deal.

My dad left, after having an affair for three months, so he didn't deserve to take half of the contents, or to have us for a set period of time. My sister and I were far too hurt by him to want to have to commit to spending time with him.
He now sees us once a year. Rings occassionaly. We fall out often because he forgets how to be a father.

Now my poor mother is going through the same thing again. Been married since January and was all ready to pack up and move to Melbourne in August. Quit her job and everything. Now she will be jobless, husbandless and homeless. He deserves to have everything taken from him, the way he is treating her is disgusting

I agree wholeheartedly, some guys are right tossers when it comes to fatherhood. However, I don't hang around with losers who run out on their women, most of my mates are stand up blokes but I could name at least three who've been screwed over by their ex or the court. One was so stressed by the situation he left town, hardly saw the sons he loved so much and dropped dead from a heart attack two years ago. I blame her for that.

I didn't have an affair, even though a mates missus wanted one once, I still believe in the promise you make on your wedding day, and in fact, I don't think a marriage license is required for a guy to be faithful. I've had my bash at bedhopping and during those times I wasn't in any form of relationship other than having a good time. Then things change and you settle down, at that point you promise yourself as much as your partner to keep it 'clean'.

Some guys create trouble for themselves.