Dads get stitched up

[peasea]

I'd just like to say
"Good on you hard working Dads"
My dad was in the same predicament, and i give him a lot of respect for what he did. So don't think its all in vain.....your kids will respect you.
On the flip side of the coin i have very little respect for mum and she got a relatively free ride.
We are too PC in this country - but its like the old saying goes
"It takes the bigger person to walk away from the fight"
you guys are huge.

Appreciate the support. Yup, I felt like bashing that beeyarch so many times but I'm glad I didn't really. She ain't worth the time.

[James Deuce]

I have a friend who shall remain unnamed and his whereabouts hidden. He no longer lives in NZ, and hasn't seen his 3 girls for 4 years (The changes in 2004 made no difference Grahameeboy) .

His wife's new partner beat the shit out of him when he came to pick the girls up one weekend. He had shared custody, but the Wife somehow convinced the courts that he was earning twice as much as he really was (a company car isn't real money). He ended up paying more in child support than he was earning, and Baycorp hounded him until he was suicidal.

I got him out of the country and back to his folks. It's unlikely that the two younger girls would even remember him now.

If you get married and have kids with the wrong person these days, more fool you.

[scumdog]

Appreciate the support. Yup, I felt like bashing that beeyarch so many times but I'm glad I didn't really. She ain't worth the time.

Good call - wait long enough and kharma will get her anyway.... and the kids will know who REALLY cause all the grief for who - and will repay her accordingly.

[peasea]

Good call - wait long enough and kharma will get her anyway.... and the kids will know who REALLY cause all the grief for who - and will repay her accordingly.

Do you have kharma's number by any chance?

[peasea]

I have a friend who shall remain unnamed and his whereabouts hidden. He no longer lives in NZ, and hasn't seen his 3 girls for 4 years (The changes in 2004 made no difference Grahameeboy) .

His wife's new partner beat the shit out of him when he came to pick the girls up one weekend. He had shared custody, but the Wife somehow convinced the courts that he was earning twice as much as he really was (a company car isn't real money). He ended up paying more in child support than he was earning, and Baycorp hounded him until he was suicidal.

I got him out of the country and back to his folks. It's unlikely that the two younger girls would even remember him now.

If you get married and have kids with the wrong person these days, more fool you.

Yessiree, and my new lady (bless her cotton socks) was the one who suggested we now put an agreement in writing, even though her share isn't worth what mine is. She isn't greedy and wants to prove it, to protect my nestegg for my daughters. Not many ladies like that.

[peasea]

It sure looks like I'm not alone here.
Thanks for your comments and support, people. While I know every case is different, if there are any of you who think I might be able to offer some basic advice just PM me. I'm no lawyer but having been through this crap gives you a whole different perspective.

Again, thanks.

[MSTRS:Me]

Having gone through some of this same shit a 'few' years ago, I think that as guys we tend to expect better and therefore wait for reason to occur. THIS IS A MISTAKE. If it is all turning to custard, get in first. Take the 'fight' to them by being first with the legal posturing. The best defence is a good offence.

[Deviant Esq]

Darned right Peasea, heard it all too many times from decent honest hardworking blokes only wanting to have a good life and provide their kids with one... only to get absolutely royally shafted by the most unbelievably greedy, callous piece of shitstain alive - a woman every time.

I grew up in the sort of shit soup these stories have told - my Mum took my Dad to the cleaners for pretty much all he was worth, while trying her best to get in the sack with the next door neighbour (who was married), but failing. Learning what I only learnt much later on in life (I was 5 when my parents split), I have no respect for my mother and what she did to my old man - no question who's the better person.

The things brought up in the thread are part of why I am adamant I do not want children - ever. And before anyone gets on my back about this - don't even think about it. This is my life and my life decision. I am in no way encouraging others not to have children, nor am I saying having children is a bad decision, but it is my decision to make. Why is a measure of a happy life having a wife and kids?!? All the bloody gubbermint does is encourage people to have children, and then gives people who have them but can't afford to have them tax breaks to deal with them. But for your ordinary hardworking NZer who's made the decision not to have kids or cannot? No tax break for you buddy, have children. Fuck that.

Sorry Peasea, bit of a nerve hit with me too. You have my sympathies mate. Your ex sounds like the stereotypical money and power hungry woman.

[peasea]

Darned right Peasea, heard it all too many times from decent honest hardworking blokes only wanting to have a good life and provide their kids with one... only to get absolutely royally shafted by the most unbelievably greedy, callous piece of shitstain alive - a woman every time.

I grew up in the sort of shit soup these storeies have told - my Mum took my Dad to the cleaners for pretty much all he was worth, while trying her best to get in the sack with the next door neighbour (who was married), but failing. Learning what I only learnt much later on in life (I was 5 when my parents split), I have no respect for my mother and what she did to my old man - no question who's the better person.

The things brought up in the thread are part of why I am adamant I do not want children - ever. And before anyone gets on my back about this - don't even think about it. This is my life and my life decision. I am in no way encouraging others not to have children, nor am I saying having children is a bad decision, but it is my decision to make. Why is a measure of a happy life having a wife and kids?!? All the bloody gubbermint does is encourage people to have children, and then gives people who have them but can't afford to have them tax breaks to deal with them. But for your ordinary hardworking NZer who's made the decision not to have kids or cannot? No tax break for you buddy, have children. Fuck that.

Sorry Peasea, bit of a nerve hit with me too. You have my sympathies mate. Your ex sounds like the stereotypical money and power hungry woman.

She's a power freak alright. My eldest hates the way she interferes with her life, she's 17 and a half, she's a young woman dammit. Sure I giude my teenagers but sometimes you have to let go, let them guide their own life, make their own mistakes.

I wouldn't tell anyone to have kids or not have kids. Like you I think it's a personal decision. Now that I have them I wouldn't have it any other way; they are my mates now. My only regret is the wrong choice of mother, but having said that, if she weren't their mother they'd be different kids and THAT I'd never change.

[kevfromcoro]

The Devil comes in many forms.

[Little Miss Trouble]

Reading some of the bitter posts in here is a little disturbing.
Not all women are like that damnit!
Heres my families story: My parents split when I was 16, I was freaken joyful that my mum was finally walking and taking me and my siblings with her, hell I'd been urging her to do it for years!
Long story short she didn't force the sale of the farm,(the five of us moved to a little three-bedroom rental) got a pitiful payout as her 'share', no child support for the youger two and still had to pay all the school fees and extras because my father was too tight with his money to want his own children to have those experiences.
I now have as little to do with him as possible, I find him revulting after all the terror and torment he inflicted on my family.
I'm closer to my mum than ever and its been so awsome to watch her become a human being again instead of the meek little wife who tiptoed on eggshells, and to finally find confidence in myself again too. lol my darling little sister says buying my bike was part of my big "screw-you-I-can-do-anything,you-dont-have-a-hold-on-me-anymore" rebellion

Don't ever forget the flipside of the story and the ones the courts are trying to protect.

[peasea]

Reading some of the bitter posts in here is a little disturbing.
Not all women are like that damnit!
Heres my families story: My parents split when I was 16, I was freaken joyful that my mum was finally walking and taking me and my siblings with her, hell I'd been urging her to do it for years!
Long story short she didn't force the sale of the farm,(the five of us moved to a little three-bedroom rental) got a pitiful payout as her 'share', no child support for the youger two and still had to pay all the school fees and extras because my father was too tight with his money to want his own children to have those experiences.
I now have as little to do with him as possible, I find him revulting after all the terror and torment he inflicted on my family.
I'm closer to my mum than ever and its been so awsome to watch her become a human being again instead of the meek little wife who tiptoed on eggshells, and to finally find confidence in myself again too. lol my darling little sister says buying my bike was part of my big "screw-you-I-can-do-anything,you-dont-have-a-hold-on-me-anymore" rebellion

Don't ever forget the flipside of the story and the ones the courts are trying to protect.

Hey, 'I' NEVER said that all women were anything of anything, just my experiences with ONE. Most of the females in my life have been excellent people, in fact only a handful have been trouble. I used to get hassled by 'the boys' for spending so much time with females. Sure, I was looking to get laid and sometimes it worked but their company was WAAAAAY less confrontational, often funnier and loads more empathetic to those with problems. Guys just tell you harden up, girls give you a hug, a cup of tea, talk it over and try to be supportive. (Generally speaking.) Sure, there's always a flip side to the story..........wanna meet my ex? The one my (female)lawyer described as a piece of work?

[Little Miss Trouble]

Hey, 'I' NEVER said that all women were anything of anything, just my experiences with ONE. Most of the females in my life have been excellent people, in fact only a handful have been trouble. I used to get hassled by 'the boys' for spending so much time with females. Sure, I was looking to get laid and sometimes it worked but their company was WAAAAAY less confrontational, often funnier and loads more empathetic to those with problems. Guys just tell you harden up, girls give you a hug, a cup of tea, talk it over and try to be supportive. (Generally speaking.) Sure, there's always a flip side to the story..........wanna meet my ex? The one my (female)lawyer described as a piece of work?

Hell no I don't want to meet her she sounds like a real biarch!
I wasn't targetting anyone in particular just the general tone this thread was taking on - that the wife WILL take everything, some people do dispicable (sp?) things, thats life unfortunately. Its the gender sterotype crap that gets me a little pissy.

[Grahameeboy]

I have a friend who shall remain unnamed and his whereabouts hidden. He no longer lives in NZ, and hasn't seen his 3 girls for 4 years (The changes in 2004 made no difference Grahameeboy) .

His wife's new partner beat the shit out of him when he came to pick the girls up one weekend. He had shared custody, but the Wife somehow convinced the courts that he was earning twice as much as he really was (a company car isn't real money). He ended up paying more in child support than he was earning, and Baycorp hounded him until he was suicidal.

I got him out of the country and back to his folks. It's unlikely that the two younger girls would even remember him now.

If you get married and have kids with the wrong person these days, more fool you.

The changes in 2004 only applied to post seperations so if you are saying he has not seen his kids for 3-4 years he seperated before the new law.

Still sad.

Re your last comment a bit harsh.....we don't have crystal balls.

[peasea]

Hell no I don't want to meet her she sounds like a real biarch!
I wasn't targetting anyone in particular just the general tone this thread was taking on - that the wife WILL take everything, some people do dispicable (sp?) things, thats life unfortunately. Its the gender sterotype crap that gets me a little pissy.

Don't blame you, me too, especially in court.