Dads get stitched up

[peasea]

After getting a sentence on another thread that pointed to the dramas that dads have in the 'Family Court' I thought I'd put this out there......

I went through some major hassles when I decided enough was enough in '01. I left the house with nothing, not even enough cutlery to feed myself. After much generosity from friends and family (loans etc, all repaid now) I survived, got the property settlement and started over. Some luck, wise investements and hard work hae come together to see me back on my feet.

BUT!

Through the courts I had some nightmares, not the least of wich was COMPULSORY counselling of me and my kids. My two girls were actually smarter than the (fuckwit) counsellors and made a mockery of them. Well done those girls, they rose above it.

Even after playing the game I had to fight tooth and nail to get limited time with my girls, who actually prefer MY company to their mother's. Go figure.

Now they are old enought o make their own decisions, guess what? They want to live with me. However, they have had to endure their mother's power games, head games and drunken behaviour over being placed with their dad. (They tell tales of mum getting so drunk they can't understand the conversation and then she crashes on the lounge floor, all night, etc etc....)

She is a very intelligent woman, used to work for the Govt and knows the 'system' well. She's milked it, me and YOU! I actually paid for her to better herself, a very expensive Uni' course, heaps of bils for books, fees etc and guess what? She passed with flying colours and now earns shitloads but I still pay maintenence, even when the girls are here.

There is no justice in the 'family Court' and there's certainly no sense of family.

If you're a male, I have to say; "you're fucked". The degree to which you're fucked can vary though and my final words of advice would be; shop around for a lawyer, talk to mens groups and don't give an inch. they'll take plenty of inches anyway, so don't give them any.

Anyone else out there had similar hassles?

[chanceyy]

I will not jump on my soapbox bout this .. all I wanted to say .. good on you for being a great dad ..

dislike how kids become pawns to play like a chess game ..

& do not generalise .. it happens to both men & woman but its the kids who are generally in the middle

it would seem the need for revenge is quite strong these days, each party out to hurt the other as much as they can .. but most use the kids to do that ... sorry that just gets my goat ..

[Jantar]

Too damn right. I left my first marriage with the clothes on my back, one cat and my computer. I was lucky enough to later retrieve one of my motorbikes (the RE5) and a spare bed, but the ex sold the GSX750 and kept the proceeds. She also kept the house, all furniture, the car etc. Then I had to pay child support on an assessed income, not my actual income.

I thought all was well now that my kids are all grown up and out working.... Until yesterday; I received a letter from the IRD claiming I still owe them $59 child support from 1995. How come this is the first time they tell me?

[Grahameeboy]

Regarding kids, the Law changed in July 2004 which gave equal shared custody subject to mediation with a Court agreed Counsellor so things are better these days.

However, does not stop the power games. My ex cancels my Daughter's medical appointments without telling me, did not tell me that she took Nats to Starship last week, refuses to share Nats medical situation or use medical equipment that I just happen to be given first by the Wilson Home , but does not let me have equipment she is given for trial her partner threatens me because I stand up to this crap when they refused to let me have the backup wheelchair.

But I have my girl half the week, I have no resentment and you just have to remain focused which is why I kept the car, most of the contents and the house so I can look after Nats............it has cost me financially but kids arfe priceless.

Good on ya, sounds like you are doing alright despite the crap and that is the main thing.

[Delerium]

Went throught the same dramas from the kids POV. I dont speak to my mum much as a result. It c.omes back to bite them in the arse in the long run

[SlashWylde]

I have a mate who was done over through a power play orchestrated by his then partner. Trouble is he's not allowed to see his kids anymore

It's shit like that which makes me think twice about wanting to bring kids into the world - although if it happens it'll be a few years away yet.

Thanks for the tips, and good on ya for being a top dad, this country needs more blokes like you bud.

[jimbo600]

Well I was married in Pommy. Of course the family cout is much the same over there. Had issues with the wife. Had a row one day, I left told her I was going out to get a paper...........and here I am in NZ.

Left with a backpack full of clothes and a surfboard

As far as I know she's still looking for me.

[Dave Lobster]

I still pay maintenance, even when the girls are here.

Dumb question..

Why? Why do you pay maintenance when they're with you? Why isn't she paying you the money if you've got the girls?

[Lissa]

I havent had to go through the courts as yet. We are working it out ourselves with one prinicipal motive in mind.... the Happiness and Security of our children. They come first, even through their parents dont live together anymore, they are still their mum and dad, and that is all that matters. Its a shame that some parents use their children to get back at their exes, and in the long run its the children that suffer.

[civil]

My advise to any Dad going through the Family Court is sack your laywer and learn to do it yourself. That way you might then have chance at staying in your children lifes. Your laywer is their to serve you up to what ever the Family Court wants which we know is for Fathers to get out of their children lifes.
Men are not generally sucessful in the Family Court as we were created to be the protectors of our woman, where as woman were created to fight and kill anyone (even the father), who threatens the nest (aka remove the children from mother in any way)!!!

I when through a few years ago with the help and instruction of the UOF and have my children 50/50. I would recommend the UFO.

As for Child Support (aka wife support), then your choise is do what is required to sucessfully go up against them, or bend over and take what is coming.
You will be in very good company if you fight with over $1b now outstanding. I am still waiting some 4years latter for IRD to answer the first question I asked before I pay a cent. The question was "why do I have to pay it?"

[Grahameeboy]

Well I was married in Pommy. Of course the family cout is much the same over there. Had issues with the wife. Had a row one day, I left told her I was going out to get a paper...........and here I am in NZ.

Left with a backpack full of clothes and a surfboard

As far as I know she's still looking for me.

I like that......assume no kids involved?

[civil]

Dumb question..

Why? Why do you pay maintenance when they're with you? Why isn't she paying you the money if you've got the girls?

If you read the Child Support Act it is for the payment of Spousal Maintenance AND Child Support. How come the Spousal Maintenance part has been left out of the title?

[Bykmad]

Believe it or not, the family court, IRD etc, are not sexist. The whole system is biased against the Non Custodial Parent. If you do not have custody, you pay!!!!! Doesnt matter whether you have Testicles or breasts, as the non custodial parent, you pay. There is no fairness, there is no equality. If you are the non custodial parent, you get shafted!!! The secret in a break up involving children, I think, is to leave and take the kids with you. That way the other half has to pay maintenance AND Matrimonial/Defato property must be split equitably. Dont leave the kids behind, because as soon as you do that, you are shafted.

[civil]

[QUOTE=Bykmad;1130125] If you do not have custody, you pay!!!!! /QUOTE]

Sort of right with your thinking, however ever if you have 50/50 shared care IRD will still go after you to pay up. Go figure!

Like I say not many fathers are willing to do what it takes to be with their children. We were not made that way to hunt and kill the woman we love(d). Woman on the other hand are / do / and will.

[u4ea]

Dumb question..

Why? Why do you pay maintenance when they're with you? Why isn't she paying you the money if you've got the girls?

The goverment doesn't care so long as someone is paying.Usually its the men..I sent my son to live with his sperm donor at 13 as he was a bit too big for me to deal with..come a year later and sperm donor assults my son(leaves bruises on his neck and wasnt going to return sons belongings which I had provided not to mention he hadn't paid school fees...) and I sold up,son moves back, moved town to keep my son in the college he was attending.Before son came back home I had my crash and IRD were still charging me the same amount of child support as from when I was working full time.Even the week I earnt no money wasnt considered.After a year I was still paying arrears(while had son at home!!!)and found out I could have penalties reduced if there was illness involved!
The paying parent has very little legs to stand on and if your legs are broken it's even worse!!
There are some honourable men out there who leave the home with everything so the children are looked after but there are some arseholes too which work the system just as well as any woman can!!!!!