The History of Mankind – as it REALLY happened.
Humans originally existed as member of small bands of nomadic
hunters & gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the
summer and went to the coast in winter to live on snapper & crayfish.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention
of beer, and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to
get man to the beer. These were the foundations of modern
civilisation and together were the catalyst for the splitting of
humanity into two distinct sub-groups :
1. Socialists; and 2. Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the
beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor the
aluminium can were invented yet, so while our early humans were
sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed
close to the brewery. That’s how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at
night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what
is known as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to
live off the Conservatives by showing up at the nightly BBQs and
doing the sewing, fetching and hair-dressing.. This was the
beginning of the Socialist movement.
Some of these Socialist men eventually evolved into women. The rest
became known as “girly men”. Some noteworthy Socialist achievements
include income tax, the domestication of the cat, the budget
surplus, the invention of group therapy, group hugs and the
Socialists voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer the
Conservatives provided.
Modern Socialists like imported beer (with lime added) but most
prefer Chardonnay or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but
like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu and French food are standard
Socialist fare.
Another interesting evolutionary side-note: most of the Socialist
women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social
workers, ACC and Treaty of Waitangi lawyers, journalists,
advertising agency types, group therapists and teachers are
Socialists. Oh, and the members of the Howard League for Penal Reform.
Conservatives drink domestic beer – Steinlager, Lion Red etc. They
eat red meat and provide for their women. Conservatives are
hunters, fishermen, rodeo-cowboys, truck-drivers, construction
workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate
executives, athletes, and generally anyone who works productively.
Conservatives who own companies hire other Conservatives who want
to work for a living. Sometimes they can not find another
Conservative to do the job – so they hire 3 Socialists.
Socialists produce little or nothing. They like to govern the
Conservatives and decide what to do with the Conservatives’
production. Socialists believe that Europeans are more enlightened
than Kiwis. That’s why the Socialists stayed behind when the
Conservatives came to NZ. They crept in after the Maori were tamed,
and then created a business out of paying again for what had
already been paid for.
Here ends today’s lesson in world history: It should be noted that
a Socialist may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the
above before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be
so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be
forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more
Socialists just to p_ss them off.
( could be a repost... search thing not working....dasser )
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Give that man an award 
Originally Posted by yod
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