Dating

**Sparky Bills** · 7th August 2007, 13:10

Its not just the blokes fault. The fem's attitudes are not exactly confidence inspireing!
Its slowly getting better, but hey... people have to get up with the times.

**Kittyhawk** · 7th August 2007, 13:20

Ok. Heres whats happend in since my breakup

Decided to get back into the dating scene.

Met a guy online, talked for an hr on the ph. We seemed to click, he was 25 and a chef. Said he was interested in meeting me. I told him I was a biker, then his reply was "I dont like bikes but I love biker chicks" Got infatuated and texted every day...I told him I wasnt interested, and he kept ringing and texting. In the end I ignored everything he sent me.

Date #2 Met a guy, yes another chef and we went to a pub to meet. This guy didnt take self pride seriously. Didnt dress up, wore track pants and sneakers, old jersey, didnt shave, and just had no self pride.

Yes I was in my biker gear but I did put some makeup on! The conversation was over in 10 mins, he didnt have hobbies, opinions, and two older men came over to our table and started talking to me about bikes as they were bikers. He sat there silent..and didnt contribute to the conversation as he wasn't a biker.

A guy messaged me online, asking for nothing but a casual shag.

I mean WTF is the point?

My relationship went through some tough times and I was with my ex for 4 years. I didnt walk out and turn my back on him, I can honestly say I worked at my relationship, but in the end it was a mutual decision.

No hurry to settle down, or do the casual thing either. I have respect for myself.

**BarBender** · 7th August 2007, 13:22

Originally Posted by Kittyhawk

Things have changed....dating isn't what it used to be.

Friends with benefits, casual flings, where has romance gone?
Is the aim to get laid on every date?

What's happend in society?

A close friend, who separated recently, came around for dinner and kindly gave my wife and I some insight into his social life. In short he had managed to get around. I'm not sure how this compares with other males in their mid 30s...but I assumed that socially - things were riotously good for him.

He seemed to think that had been a significant amount of change in the 10 years since when he was last single. The observations he made were that:
1. There were more 'available' women in the dating scene...possibly outnumbering men 2:1
2. Available women were either single women in their late 20s to early 30's or single women with children...(significant in number)
3. Available women were as aggressive as the men in their 'lets get down approach'.

I asked him how did he know and how was he able to be so "lucky". ...and he said something to me that stuck with me...
He said "Because I'm single and I notice and am aware of these things now."

The inference being that because I was married/occupied I wouldnt know what to look for or notice it if it hit me acorss the back of the head. The other important point being that with the increase in the number of separations and divorce - the dating scene isnt populated like it used to be with player/singleaint got a clue/virgin types but rather singletoolong/divorcee/played types.

**Coyote** · 7th August 2007, 13:23

Originally Posted by Busy

giggly school girls range between 18-40+
no questionaire, just go read the threads on any dating site, 1% are after happy ever after, the rest seem to just want to get laid.

I bet a lot of them are putting themselves up as being easy to actually attract someone considering many guys would turn off at the word 'commitment' in those profiles. Think they hope the guy who is only looking for fun might actually end up in them hitting it off.

Not saying there wouldn't be plenty of women planning to tap and gap.

**marty** · 7th August 2007, 13:24

trawling through the ads on NZD is always good for a laugh. i'd say the majority of girls on there are on the 2nd or 3rd relationship, and are pretty set in what they want (and don't want). a few guys on there try to say they like walks on the beach and sunset picnics, but the reality is that they just want to get their end away - how much luck some of the retards have though is up for discussion. a female friend of mine had a profile which clearly said NO sexual meetings, however she regularly had 30 mails a day asking for it!

imho there's 2 sides to it.

1: females want a supportive loving man who keeps them in $$$ and says i love you every day.

2: guys want a fuck.

**Winston001** · 7th August 2007, 13:26

I've glanced at dating site forums (boards) and have been surprised at how shallow the discussions are. If the level of talk is indicative of some of the people there, then I can understand the difficulty of dating interesting genuine people.

Yet in my pollyanna way, I think most people are in fact decent and just want someone who will respect and value them. The trick is to find that person and really, the dating sites seem to be as good a way as any. Better than hanging around a bar feeling uncomfortable on the slight chance of meeting a soul mate. And would you really want to find them in a bar.....?

**Chickadee** · 7th August 2007, 13:28

Originally Posted by Kittyhawk

Ok. Heres whats happend in since my breakup

Decided to get back into the dating scene.

Met a guy online, talked for an hr on the ph. We seemed to click, he was 25 and a chef. Said he was interested in meeting me. I told him I was a biker, then his reply was "I dont like bikes but I love biker chicks" Got infatuated and texted every day...I told him I wasnt interested, and he kept ringing and texting. In the end I ignored everything he sent me.

Date #2 Met a guy, yes another chef and we went to a pub to meet. This guy didnt take self pride seriously. Didnt dress up, wore track pants and sneakers, old jersey, didnt shave, and just had no self pride.

Yes I was in my biker gear but I did put some makeup on! The conversation was over in 10 mins, he didnt have hobbies, opinions, and two older men came over to our table and started talking to me about bikes as they were bikers. He sat there silent..and didnt contribute to the conversation as he wasn't a biker.

A guy messaged me online, asking for nothing but a casual shag.

I mean WTF is the point?

My relationship went through some tough times and I was with my ex for 4 years. I didnt walk out and turn my back on him, I can honestly say I worked at my relationship, but in the end it was a mutual decision.

No hurry to settle down, or do the casual thing either. I have respect for myself.

Don't give up Kitty, there are goodin's out there. A couple of duds on the road to looking for love. If you can find a guy with a mutual interest in bikes that sounds like the ideal for you. Are you looking for a 'type' in particular, or are you open minded (i.e. whatever the package - the person on the inside is the main thing!)

**Coyote** · 7th August 2007, 13:29

Originally Posted by Joni

edit: Oh and I personally find that boring...

Originally Posted by 007XX

Bring back the Cowboys I say...Real men, with a strong spine and a moral attitude to boot.

And that is what as guys have to deal with. The trick to being the perfect guy is to be able to mould into whatever the women wants you to be just before they want you to be that way, but not too soon before that you're not what she currently wants the previous minute. And you just have to know. Easy

I've only ever asked one girl out, and I'm currently having a great time with her. I call that a 100% success rate

**Kittyhawk** · 7th August 2007, 13:35

Originally Posted by Chickadee

Don't give up Kitty, there are goodin's out there. A couple of duds on the road to looking for love. If you can find a guy with a mutual interest in bikes that sounds like the ideal for you. Are you looking for a 'type' in particular, or are you open minded (i.e. whatever the package - the person on the inside is the main thing!)

I dont think Im cut out for this modern dating scene. It's just not who I am as a person. Love will find a way, when ya least expect it, and Im not looking for it right now lol.
Yea only one thing on my check list - he has to be a biker. Having a non biking partner in the past, I felt a little lost, as he couldnt share similar experiences.

Keeping an open mind. If it happens it happens.

**ManDownUnder** · 7th August 2007, 13:38

Originally Posted by marty

imho there's 2 sides to it.

1: females want a supportive loving man who keeps them in $$$ and says i love you every day.

2: guys want a fuck.

LOL and therein lies the problem (generalising here but...)

Everyone wants to be loved.
Women want intimacy before sex.
Men see sex as a major part of intimacy.

We got us a good ol' catch 22....

**avgas** · 7th August 2007, 13:51

Hey Kitty - you and i have talked earlier so you know my situation.
Don't give up hope aye. I had the same issue many moons ago. But i met V through a bottle of vodka.
If dating doesnt work for you, you can always try drinkn games aye

**007XX** · 7th August 2007, 15:40

Originally Posted by Coyote

And that is what as guys have to deal with. The trick to being the perfect guy is to be able to mould into whatever the women wants you to be just before they want you to be that way, but not too soon before that you're not what she currently wants the previous minute. And you just have to know. Easy

I've only ever asked one girl out, and I'm currently having a great time with her. I call that a 100% success rate

Good for you

I am the first to admit that we women are complex and not always sensible or fair creatures...(and I'll probably get stoned to death for this comment, but oh well! That's what I think...)

Personally, I have tried to be true to myself and avoid becoming a stereotype...many people have tried (unsuccessfully) to pin one on me...

I have met my perfect man...and he says that I am perfect to him...whether this fits the socioecological picture, who cares?
Bottom line is: if I was to describe my relationship with my husband, most people would barf...cos, yes, we are the antithesis of the typical "destroy or be destroyed" relationship...

**Mekk** · 7th August 2007, 15:49

Originally Posted by Joni

At the risk of being flamed.... I have noticed that part of the problem is the "Kiwi bloke" syndrome... they are busy being a mans man and prooving to the world that that is what they are... that all else is lost. Its sad because kiwi guys do have alot to offer, but feel they will be "soft cocks" if they do offer it.

edit: Oh and I personally find that boring...

I disagree partly here.

I have found that more and more girls prefer a challenge than a roll-over-and-accept type. Straight girls want men, not other girls.

That's part of the fun with the chase but I think it also has something partly to do with the primeval "roles" handed to us by nature. I mean that the man was the hunter/gatherer and would protect the cave while the woman nurtured the children and socialized.

Now before I get castrated by feminists, I'd like to say that this exists today in a metaphorical sense. I'm not talking about the man going out to bring home the bacon while the woman stays in the kitchen. I mean the more subtle character traits in someone. A woman is generally more attracted to someone who is confident and capable of holding their own. Someone who's capable of providing security and support. That doesn't have to be physically, it can be with regards to social status, money, looks etc.

SO. In all that bollocks I'd say that the sensitive new-age guy is putting a negative spin on this dating thing. You can be a soft-cock every now and again but if it's a major part of your personality, you're not gonna get the girls in my opinion. The romance novels (or what I've heard about them

) portray an unrealistic snippet of what a girl wants.

The badass biker is still popular with the girls, the rockstar is still popular with the girls, the richman is still very popular. Why? Status, power, protection, security, manliness.

**inlinefour** · 7th August 2007, 15:56

Originally Posted by Kittyhawk

Things have changed....dating isn't what it used to be.

Friends with benifits, casual flings, where has romance gone?
Is the aim to get laid on every date?

What's happend in society?

Seeing that up until about 5 months ago I was in an (?un)stable relationship, I'm relatively newish to being single. I must admit that there seems to be a very vocal part of society that is just interested in getting a shag, no strings, no expectations and move on. At the end of the day that might be good and fine if your pissed, but considering I do not drink anymore, thats me farked. It definitely appears harder to find a woman who wants to get to know each other, build a friendship and take it from there. Fark, I really need to get that trike built or I might go nuts...

**marioc** · 7th August 2007, 15:58

Yep its a god dam minefield out there,to be honest I have given up !
Perhaps its the kind of girls I seem to attract,it always ends in disaster.
So i bought a motorbike and she loves me

Sometimes it does feel strange being 33 and happily single when all my mates have kids,mortgage the whole deal.