Parenting a changeling

[RiderInBlack]

Confucius (551-479 BC). It's supposed to highlight that all generations feel this way about their offspring.

Very True that.
But really Dudes and Dudettes, we shouldn't be making excuses for behaviours or which Generation has it harder, but looking how we can make life better for everyone.

[Goblin]

When I was young if we couldn't afford it, we did without it. Same goes today. I remember when my Grandfather sold his family land in Australia he split some of the money between my mum and aunty. We went on a clothes shopping spree and actually bought brand new clothes. Mum bought a dining suite and had the lounge and hallway carpeted. It was like winning the golden kiwi!

During my teen years drugs were common and the pot and lsd were MUCH stronger than they are today. Sex was common too but condoms weren't.

My mum did her best to teach us right from wrong but my father undermined everything she said and taught us wrong things but it was ok if you didnt talk about it. No wonder I was so confused. At 14 I rebelled big time and put my poor mum through hell. It wasn't until I had my daughter that I realized what a bitch I had been.

I have taught my daughter right from wrong but she has turned around and now does all the wrong things just to get my back up. She knows I hate P and boyracers so has chosen that path to spite me. I hope she will find out in time that none of her friends or her boyfriend will ever love her as much as her family does.

[Lias]

White people, please beat your children!

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/455111...ing_your_kids/

[Dilligaf]

White people, please beat your children!

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/455111...ing_your_kids/

LMAO I love that video - SOmeone's gonna getta hurting real bad!

[Lias]

LMAO I love that video - SOmeone's gonna getta hurting real bad!

Aye hes one funny cheeky darkie :-P

[Winston001]

There's a quote lurking in the back of (what I shall, for now call) my mind, somat about someone ranting on about this new generation and how they got no respect etc etc. The quote's not important, the puncline is the source: Confucius (551-479 BC). It's supposed to highlight that all generations feel this way about their offspring.

Good try. Hessiod - Greek poet - 800-720BC

I see no hope for the future of our people if they are dependent on the frivolous youth of today, for certainly all youth are reckless beyond words. When I was a boy, we were taught to be discrete and respectful of elders, but the present youth are exceedingly wise and impatient of restraint.
Hesiod

And Socrates as recorded by Plato:

The children now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for
authority, they show disrespect to their elders.... They no longer
rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents,
chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their
legs, and are tyrants over their teachers.

[Ocean1]

Good try. Hessiod - Greek poet - 800-720BC

My memory's pretty good dude, but they do sorta blur after a couple of millennia.

And I am still trying. (Apparently).

[Winston001]

My memory's pretty good dude, but they do sorta blur after a couple of millennia.

And I am still trying. (Apparently).

Just being a pedant. That quote bothered me for years until I finally tracked it down recently. The wonders of Google.

Your well made point is that every generation rebels and their parents can't understand it. Eventually it all works out.

[Blue Babe]

Everyone has pretty much given you all the advice I could possibly give...

But yes, she will drive you nuts and she will push all the boundaries.
There is no easy way to go through this for either of you.

Maybe one suggestion: introduce her to older "mentors" type of people she would look up to and that you would trust. I'll explain:

Does she have a particular interest such as dancing, any sport or hobbie...then find someone worthwhile who practices that particular hobbie and introduce her to that person...

When you're a teenager, you do not feel like confiding to your parents, but if you have someone like that mentor, you will be able to confide in them and you as a parent can trust the mentor to give your teen great advice in return...

And of course, they can tell you about your teen's angst in confidence, so you can keep in touch with what is going on in your child's head...

It is a bit of organising, but it is worth it...just make sure that your teen doesn't suspect too much on the relation between you and the mentor.

I hope that helps a bit...good luck!
And you do sound like an awesome caring mum, so don't loose focus of that.

Thank you for that & to everyone else who have given us a lot to think about.. "Z" Plays hockey & is actually very good at it. I work with Laura Douglas, (Plays for the Black Sticks), so might ask her if she'd like to give "Z" some tips & maybe even a training session, with the idea of becoming her mentor.

[007XX]

Thank you for that & to everyone else who have given us a lot to think about.. "Z" Plays hockey & is actually very good at it. I work with Laura Douglas, (Plays for the Black Sticks), so might ask her if she'd like to give "Z" some tips & maybe even a training session, with the idea of becoming her mentor.

That sounds perfect...really hope you get somewhere with that. All the best, and without wanting to sound nosey, let us know how it goes...

My son is going to be 10 , so the "evil" years are just around the corner...it would help to know if my advice is any good.

[Blue Babe]

I feel your pain BB!
My daughter was such a sweet girl, loved school, tried really hard at everything until the day she turned 16. The Monday following her 16th birthday, I dropped her off at school as usual. Got a phonecall from the school saying they'd seen her get into a car with four others and off they went. She'd had 100% attendance from Intermediate through to High School then nothing! Hated school!

Then the boozing started...and the abusing me her little brothers. Then it was the self abuse...cutting herself. She got her lip peirced, only lasted a few weeks but she came home one day with a stud in her tongue. She had a job at New World but only did about three shifts then just didn't show up. Her boss phoned me to see if she was ok so I made her phone her back and explain why she never showed up or phoned in to let them know she wouldnt be in. She got fired.

Then the boyfriend with the little shitbox car with the giant baked-bean tin for a muffler came into her life and it's all turned to shit. I think she's on P. She's been stealing money from my wallet and booze from my cupboard. Her moodswings became intolerable. She had been doing NOTHING for 12 months and she turned 17 on the 9th of August. She got herself a job at a local cafe in town and shifted out last weekend. I havn't heard from her since. She left her room in a hell of a mess and all the lightbulbs are missing. When I asked her if she was on something she flew off the handle and got really defensive.

I really dont think kids these days have more shit to deal with than when I was young. My daughter has never been physically, emotionally and sexually abused yet she thinks the world owes her. I just dont understand it! When I turned 17 I had been working full time for 2 years and had my own bike and licence. When she was 14 I used to let her drive the car up our long driveway to get her interested in getting her licence. My mum bought her a Road Code for her 15th birthday and she promptly lost it. She borrowed one off one of her friends and promptly lost that one too. She has no ambition or goals in life other than to go out boozing with all her mates every night.

All I can do now is be here to pick up the pieces when she falls.

You're not alone in your struggle BB. At least you have a good man to cry on his shoulder and help you through the tough times. All the best and please let us know how it all pans out.

You've just made my daughter look like an Angel!! I left school at 16 too & was working full time. I looked after my own laundry (everything, bedding clothes etc) from the time I turned 15. I took it to the laundrette once a week. I washed it all dried it all & even folded it all. Ask Doug what I'm like with Laundry today Still quite fussy how it's all done, but I have backed off on chasing "Z"'s for her washing etc. If it's not in the basket it doesn't get done & if I find stuff all over her floor when I've asked nicely for her to clean it up, it will now go in a bag.
Like wise I hope Your daughter comes down to earth soon & that she is alright when she does. This parenting stuff of teenagers is quite scary.

[ManDownUnder]

When I was young if we couldn't afford it, we did without it. Same goes today. I remember when my Grandfather sold his family land in Australia he split some of the money between my mum and aunty. We went on a clothes shopping spree and actually bought brand new clothes. Mum bought a dining suite and had the lounge and hallway carpeted. It was like winning the golden kiwi!

During my teen years drugs were common and the pot and lsd were MUCH stronger than they are today. Sex was common too but condoms weren't.

My mum did her best to teach us right from wrong but my father undermined everything she said and taught us wrong things but it was ok if you didnt talk about it. No wonder I was so confused. At 14 I rebelled big time and put my poor mum through hell. It wasn't until I had my daughter that I realized what a bitch I had been.

I have taught my daughter right from wrong but she has turned around and now does all the wrong things just to get my back up. She knows I hate P and boyracers so has chosen that path to spite me. I hope she will find out in time that none of her friends or her boyfriend will ever love her as much as her family does.

ouch... sounds like Tough love might be an option?

One thing I saw in a previous life was a right little bastard of a 14 year old turn into a disciplined, courteous young man in a REALLY short space of time when he thought guns and adventure were the way to go... so he enlited in the Army. Got 7 bells of shit kicked out of him through boot camp and then gave (and was given) respect.

If it's an option I'd HIGHLY recommend it. It's the one experience that really opened my eyes to the Armed forces and their potential impact on shaping youth. I may be wrong in assuming it's good for everyone - I only have one experience/example to draw on... but this kid went from terrorising the house (e.g. luiterally attaching 240 volts from the mains to doorhandles from the other side... to hell with the deadly consequences)... to a respectful, confident and honest young man that held himself accountable for his deeds.

[Blue Babe]

That sounds perfect...really hope you get somewhere with that. All the best, and without wanting to sound nosey, let us know how it goes...

My son is going to be 10 , so the "evil" years are just around the corner...it would help to know if my advice is any good.

They say boys go through this crap a few years later than girls. I think we nipped "T"'s in the bud. He was supposed to stay at school for another year, but I didn't push it either way, as we want him to be happy either way. He found himself a full time job as a driver/store person ( which is awesome for a 17yr old who hasn't had his full licence for a year yet) & is on minimum wage for an 18yr old. He has moved out of the family home & is boarding. He has an awesome girlfriend. Don't get me wrong we had our differences, He wouldn't pay me board & was out all hours of the day & night. We never knew whether he was in or out & I used to get really pissed off with it, especailly when You've cooked a meal & it is wasted or you haven't cooked for him & he turns up & say's "Where's my Dinner?"
The main thing is if he needs us, we are here for him & we have had some very interesting conversations since he's moved out.
The one thing that has hurt me with all this is that he hasn't told his Dad Squat. I've nagged him since he left school, got his job, moved out, bought his new car & got his tattoo, to tell his father. He has thought it one big joke. Unfortunately, with what's been going on with "Z", I had to ring his father & because of the way the conversation went I had to tell him that our son isn't living with me any more. It was one of the hardest conversations I've had with him & no doubt it will still be all my fault Thats another story in itself.
All in all I'm very proud how "T" has got on & started maturing into an awesome young man. Experience will come with time.. He wants to join the Police at some stage & life experiences are what he needs right now.

[007XX]

They say boys go through this crap a few years later than girls. I think we nipped "T"'s in the bud. He was supposed to stay at school for another year, but I didn't push it either way, as we want him to be happy either way. He found himself a full time job as a driver/store person ( which is awesome for a 17yr old who hasn't had his full licence for a year yet) & is on minimum wage for an 18yr old. He has moved out of the family home & is boarding. He has an awesome girlfriend. Don't get me wrong we had our differences, He wouldn't pay me board & was out all hours of the day & night. We never knew whether he was in or out & I used to get really pissed off with it, especailly when You've cooked a meal & it is wasted or you haven't cooked for him & he turns up & say's "Where's my Dinner?"
The main thing is if he needs us, we are here for him & we have had some very interesting conversations since he's moved out.
The one thing that has hurt me with all this is that he hasn't told his Dad Squat. I've nagged him since he left school, got his job, moved out, bought his new car & got his tattoo, to tell his father. He has thought it one big joke. Unfortunately, with what's been going on with "Z", I had to ring his father & because of the way the conversation went I had to tell him that our son isn't living with me any more. It was one of the hardest conversations I've had with him & no doubt it will still be all my fault Thats another story in itself.
All in all I'm very proud how "T" has got on & started maturing into an awesome young man. Experience will come with time.. He wants to join the Police at some stage & life experiences are what he needs right now.

Well done with your young man...

Yep, I was a handful to my mum (surprise, surprise, I hear some of you say! )...but in the end I turned out ok (I think!).

You very much have to ride it out I guess, doing the best you can as a parent, and not beat yourself up if things can't always be controled.

But you already knew that...

[yod]

....I despise anybody who thinks they are a better person because of their religion or especially somebody who pushes their religion onto those that aren't interested.....

but you'll happily push it on your kids...who dont even have a chance to decide if they're "interested" or not