Parenting a changeling

[Ocean1]

Guess it's the right thing to do if it produces positive results eh?
Sounds like things have improved anyway, I'm glad for you.

One thing, don't make threats (or promises) you may not keep. If she fucks up badly will you really sell the bunny? If you do what will that achieve? If you don't what will she learn from that?

[Blue Babe]

One thing, don't make threats (or promises) you may not keep. If she fucks up badly will you really sell the bunny? If you do what will that achieve? If you don't what will she learn from that?

I probably couldn't sell "Bugs" now as he is so cute but I will have to do something to make her realise we mean what we say...I'll have to think about how to go about it all etc

[devnull]

I probably couldn't sell "Bugs" now as he is so cute but I will have to do something to make her realise we mean what we say...I'll have to think about how to go about it all etc

I can post some great casserole recipes

[peasea]

I can post some great casserole recipes

Go for it; bit late in the year but we could save them for next winter.

[sweetp]

Hi BB, sounds like things are going well and fingers crossed it continues. I just picked up on a couple of things in the tread and thought I would throw a few ideas out there.

If Z wants to join the army then have you considered enroling her in cadets? It will certainly get her out of the house and teach her respect and discipline. You can find your nearest unit at www.cadetforces.mil.nz I was a cadet for a number of years and certainly there was a fair few kids who acted like Z is, some improved, some didn't but cadet officers are trained to deal with difficult kids and certainly she will get something out of it.

The other thing is the army offers a week long "experience" run during the school holidays. It gives the kids an opertunity to learn about army life (they are not to tough on them, although the have early morning PT!) and the various career options. You can I think organise it through the local recuitment office or pm wannabiker who could let you know more (although not this week as he is up at Waiouru on one).

All the best.

[Blue Babe]

Hi BB, sounds like things are going well and fingers crossed it continues. I just picked up on a couple of things in the tread and thought I would throw a few ideas out there.

If Z wants to join the army then have you considered enroling her in cadets? It will certainly get her out of the house and teach her respect and discipline. You can find your nearest unit at www.cadetforces.mil.nz I was a cadet for a number of years and certainly there was a fair few kids who acted like Z is, some improved, some didn't but cadet officers are trained to deal with difficult kids and certainly she will get something out of it.

The other thing is the army offers a week long "experience" run during the school holidays. It gives the kids an opertunity to learn about army life (they are not to tough on them, although the have early morning PT!) and the various career options. You can I think organise it through the local recuitment office or pm wannabiker who could let you know more (although not this week as he is up at Waiouru on one).

All the best.

Awesome Thank you for that. I have asked "Z" about it & she is keen so we will look into it on Wednesday evening when it is on here in Whangarei. It looks really interesting & the week away in the Holidays will suit us both as she needs a break from me as much as I need one from her She is going to stay with her father in Auckland next week, which she seems to be looking forward too. She'll probably spend the week looking for a car & keeping fingers crossed her father can help pay for it, especially as he's paying F . . . ALL in Child support. Hasn't paid a cent since March.

[Blue Babe]

Just a quick update on "Z". She has finally found a boyfriend & seems to have settled down heaps. She is happy that we are living back in Kamo after all our moving around. She can now walk to school. She has a really good part-time job. She is learning to drive, which is really good, but it is turning all who sit with her prematurely grey , but she is getting there & improving each time.. I'm hoping the last 2wks with her Dad will have done her the world & she will come back in good spirits. All in all yeah things have started coming right for her.
P.S. She started the Army Cadets before the end of the year & was really enjoying it. She is looking forward to starting up again this year. All the different activities there will keep her well & truely occupied. Thank you for that suggestion......

[Colapop]

Stretch and grow. It's funny how those toddler overall things are so handy when they're little... and how they do the same thing as teenagers when they get older. Kids will stretch boundaries (yours and theirs) and grow as they find their way to adulthood.

It seems like you've done a very good job there, BB. Respected your child and loved them. Sometimes that's all you can do apart from be there to catch them if they fall - not too often though!

[fredie]

look out for drug use

[Blue Babe]

look out for drug use

I will be very very surprised if My kids hit the drugs, as they have seen first hand what it can do.............. I will also be Very disappointed if they do go there because of what they know......

[mstriumph]

i was horrid at 15 [still am ]

i enjoyed adults 'not understanding' me

------ i used that to good effect when the daughter hit the teens
- kept telling her i didn't understand her - she felt sooooooo smug about that that she'd put the garbage out and make her bed in sheer gratitude


did i tell you, i am NASTY

[Blue Babe]

i was horrid at 15 [still am ]

i enjoyed adults 'not understanding' me

------ i used that to good effect when the daughter hit the teens
- kept telling her i didn't understand her - she felt sooooooo smug about that that she'd put the garbage out and make her bed in sheer gratitude

Reverse Phsycology is a wonderful invention & works around 99% of the time. I must use it more often on "Z"

[Blue Babe]

Just a quick update on "Z". .. I'm hoping the last 2wks with her Dad will have done her the world & she will come back in good spirits. All .
......

Unfortunately, "Z"'s father has pulled a doozy on "Z".... I couldn't believe he could still be so vindicitive & nasty.
"Z" aquired an injury last year when she came off her bike. The main one being her hand/thumb. The Dr thought she'd broken her Scaphoid & plastered it for 2wks then re-xrayed it... It wasn't broken, but she had twisted her bones in the thumb which was very painful. The Osteo put that right.
Any way, (I can't remember when she went for the ride on the bike to work) she said that she felt something crack in her hand, but that it was ok. On & off since then it has hurt a little. On Monday, while at her Dad's, "Z" txt's me & says that she is in a lot of pain & that her hand is swollen, so I tell her to show her dad & get him to take her to the Dr's/hospital or Whitecross when he gets home from work.
He gets in looks at it & says "You'll be ok till you get home to mum & she can take you to the Dr's". Now remember I'm getting all this via txt messaging.....
"Z" doesn't complain about pain unless it is pretty bad to the point that you do need to sort it. She's popping pills by now 2x brufen & 2x paracetamol, every 4hrs, which don't touch the pain.
I txt her father & tell him that he needs to get her seen to that night, as he had work next day. Well he ignored my txt & didn't bother really looking at her hand, so I got my son & we set off for her. When he realised what i was doing he changed his mind & took her to Whitecross. They couldn't xray that night so yesterday, while he fucked off to work & left his chinese wife who can't speak much English to take her for an Xray... He couldn't even make the effort to have a few hours off & see to her. I was sooo angry with him.
The Xray has said no broken bone, but there is something wrong, & for the life of me I can't remember the name she gave me now, but it has meant a plaster cast for the next 2wks & she is Not allowed to use her hand at all. As soon as she gets home I'll get her to our Dr on Monday & find out exactly what it is & what we can expect recovery wise. That girl has had so many injuries..........
I still very nearly went to collect her yesterday, but decided i'd leave it till she comes home on Saturday, didn't really want to cause a scene infront of his wife + the way I'm feeling I might just have hit him this time. I won't be encouraging any more visits from now on.........shit it's not safe for her. What if it had been something really serious??? As it is her hand could be damaged & there won't be any hockey again this year. For her sake I hope not. Any way will see what Dr has to say next week.

[Blue Babe]

Here's a good one to add to today's saga...
I've just had a letter from IRD child support telling me my ex doesn't have to pay me anything for our daughter....
He hasn't paid anything in over a year & I've had letters telling me what he has to pay, the last one being just before Christmas... The one before Christmas told me I he is to pay this amount until March, today it said he doesn't have to pay a cent........Can someone please tell me how that works as when It was the other way round I had to pay even though I was on minimum or no wage at the time........
I came of benefit a year ago cause WINZ & IRD told me I'd be better off as I'll get the child support in my hand every month. What a crock of shit. They also said I can't do nothing about it all until the end of the financial year.

[Blue Babe]

Things have come right for "Z". She is trying out for the 1st 11 team at school for the womans Hockey team. Keep fingers X it happens for her this year. She has also been referred to a specialist about her hand & are still waiting for the first app. She has been on such a high for the last few weeks & i'm not sure quite why, but not questioning too much. What worries me is when she comes down again, How bad will it be She's also looking forward to sitting her restricted, which I think when she gets it will make another huge difference to her She's already got half her points for NCEA level 1 & is aiming to get the rest before the half year & then finish this year with at least half for NCEA level 2. Her whole focus has never changed, in the fact she wants to join the Army as an Officer & then train as either a Dr or an Engineer. Even her father has now come round to the idea that army life might Not be so bad after all