Parenting a changeling

[Blue Babe]

yeah at 15 i was okay, getting a little into the goth scene.. then got a boyfriend with a little too much interest in knives (needless to say that ended fast!). at 16 i went full on into goth-dom, it was who i was (and still am on the inside to some extent, long live dark and gory things! lol) got out of it when i met another guy, which also ended quickly as my mother realised how over serious he became, took me on a boat trip, told me all this (i hated her, then realised that she was bloody right!) i dumped the boy and turned into an angel again (ditched the black to my mother's great relief) had an awesome time and then met indy half way through 7th form. My parents decided he was WAY better than anyone... and then i got onto the back of the bike and all hell broke loose (even though they knew i liked bikes to begin with)... however, through almost 2 years of bikes and fun, they've accepted who i am (after many many times of me doing what i want and "fuck them" lol... yes, rebel.. lol) we're cool again, relationshipwise i guess we're the best we have been since i hit 5th form about 5 years ago.

anyway, what i'm getting at here, is that we all go through the phase and all our kids will do the same to some extent but it all blows over as you realise your folks are pretty cool and actually know alot of cool stuff!!

Thanks AJ. I know my kids will get there in the end, as we all have had to do. I used to think my mum was thick as two short planks until I had my own kids. I apologised to my mum. As soon as I hit 16yrs old we became good friends & to this day I can still go & bend her ear. Little harder today as she is on the other side of the world (UK)

[Livvy]

Hey Blue. Haven't read through this entire thread so if I miss something I apologise! But as AJ said, we all go through that phase... I'm not certain how many here are younger but I know I'm definitely one of the youngest posters on this site, and I'm not long out of the stupidity stage that your daughter seems to be in (no offence meant towards your daughter!).

I was hanging with the wrong crowd and doing a lot of dumb things, but I stopped when I realised that no matter what I did I couldn't stop my parents from wanting what was best for me. What really got me was one day seeing my mum almost cry from something that I really regret saying after we'd had an argument. It's been only a year and a half since I stopped being a little dick really, so it's all still very fresh... I can't give advice as a parent obviously, but as someone straight out of it, I might suggest that you do tell her you love her on a frequent basis - just almost as a casual comment, sort of "okay sweetie, go out and have fun, please be safe and I love you"... I tell you what, if she's getting into trouble that will start to make her feel guilty (it sure worked on me).

Otherwise it'll end soon enough and she'll feel very shame-faced about it all...

[Blue Babe]

Hey Blue. Haven't read through this entire thread so if I miss something I apologise! But as AJ said, we all go through that phase... I'm not certain how many here are younger but I know I'm definitely one of the youngest posters on this site, and I'm not long out of the stupidity stage that your daughter seems to be in (no offence meant towards your daughter!).

I was hanging with the wrong crowd and doing a lot of dumb things, but I stopped when I realised that no matter what I did I couldn't stop my parents from wanting what was best for me. What really got me was one day seeing my mum almost cry from something that I really regret saying after we'd had an argument. It's been only a year and a half since I stopped being a little dick really, so it's all still very fresh... I can't give advice as a parent obviously, but as someone straight out of it, I might suggest that you do tell her you love her on a frequent basis - just almost as a casual comment, sort of "okay sweetie, go out and have fun, please be safe and I love you"... I tell you what, if she's getting into trouble that will start to make her feel guilty (it sure worked on me).

Otherwise it'll end soon enough and she'll feel very shame-faced about it all...

Thanks for that Livvy, I do tell her every day, when she goes off to school or out with her mates, work or whatever, that I Love Her. Even when txting my last txt is always "Love you heaps" She gets fed up with me telling her to be careful, but likes the Have fun bit

[Livvy]

Thanks for that Livvy, I do tell her every day, when she goes off to school or out with her mates, work or whatever, that I Love Her. Even when txting my last txt is always "Love you heaps" She gets fed up with me telling her to be careful, but likes the Have fun bit

"Be careful. If you can't be careful be safe. If you can't be safe have fun." - one of the few things that's stuck in my mind since 06! My mother has another version that ends with, if you can't be safe - buy a pram

Don't think you'll have to worry about that though! I'll bet she's been raised better than that.

[Blue Babe]

"Be careful. If you can't be careful be safe. If you can't be safe have fun." - one of the few things that's stuck in my mind since 06! My mother has another version that ends with, if you can't be safe - buy a pram

Don't think you'll have to worry about that though! I'll bet she's been raised better than that.

I use that saying alot as well . I hope I've raised her better than that, but there's always that one time. She's had the lectures & teachings from school. Can't do any more now, but hope that she will be ok. Same with my son who is 18... Jeez I'm getting old

[Curious_AJ]

I use that saying alot as well . I hope I've raised her better than that, but there's always that one time. She's had the lectures & teachings from school. Can't do any more now, but hope that she will be ok. Same with my son who is 18... Jeez I'm getting old

even though you're old we still love you! *runs away before you can hit me with a frying pan!*

[The Pastor]

After all that has been said & done, "Z" has decided that Whangarei is not where she wants to be. She hates her school, Say's Whangarei is boring for teenagers (which, she is probably right about). She wants to go & live with her father in Auckland. She thinks the grass is greener there than here. I think she could be in for a big disappointment there, but she has made the decision & I have to let her go, even though I'm so disappointed with her decision. We have more or less got ourselves on a good footing now.
On a postive note, though, it means I can now concentrate on doing what I want to do with my life & I have made some big decisions, which will affect my whole life. I'm having to move again, which is a bummer, but in the long run it is good & I've decided to go & do my RN training full time (3yrs worth) at the Polytech. It has been a long time in coming as I've had other things to think about with the kids & an unsupportive arsehole of a husband.
As for her father, well he hasn't changed one bit & is prepared to put, Not only "Z's", but his new wife & unborn baby in danger.
"Z" got her restricted license today. What a performance that wast too. She was supposed to do it last Thursday morning at 8am. The examiner called in sick. (Thank God she did) But if she had gone & passed, her father wanted her to drive straight down to Auckland after school. (Remember she's No expereince of Auckland driving, Motorway or otherwise). Then on the Friday he wanted her to take His Wife & their unborn baby from Albany to Takapuna Hospital. "Z" had no idea where Takapuna was from Albany & her father's wife is Chinese & has even less knowledge of Auckland. Talk about putting lives in danger. He did this because he doesn't want to take time off work as he has only been there a couple of months. As usual thinking of himself & Not his loved ones.
"Z" is very confident, sometimes too confident & that means she can be cocky etc. After she had passed today she couldn't even drive back home, she was so excited. She is at work tonight, so that will be her first experience driving on her own, especially as it will be around rush hour time too.

from an outside perspective you're over reacting to the driving thing tbh,

[RiderInBlack]

from an outside perspective you're over reacting to the driving thing tbh,

Then again she might not (this is from an inside perspective). Ya young yet RM (we've meet).
Good Parents will always worry about their kids' safety. I know mine still do and I'm 45. Kids see this as their parents being "control freaks" and "over reacting". They aren't. They just don't want ta visit ya in Hospital or have ta organize ya funeral, because they know if the time comes they will. Their life experiences have taught them that risks do have consequences and that no one is bullet proof. Often they have their own scars to prove it.
IMHO a bad parent is one that doesn't give a shit what ya do.

[The Pastor]

I know what you mean, but still, there are alot worse things to worry about than driving. auckland to whangrei isnt really a challenging road. I mean I drove all through aucklands CBD when I first my R. But i guess its differnt for me cos im a big bad biker

[Curious_AJ]

I know what you mean, but still, there are alot worse things to worry about than driving. auckland to whangrei isnt really a challenging road. I mean I drove all through aucklands CBD when I first my R. But i guess its differnt for me cos im a big bad biker

yes scotty a big bad biker... my mom's afraid of you lol, she thinks you want to "jump my bones"

rofl, if you tried you know i'd beat you like a red-headed step-child and then tell Indy he can have the rest of you ^_^

[Blue Babe]

Well!! It happened! "Z" has had her car written off & been left with a concussion (2nd one in 2 mths). She was at the Newmarket lights. Her arrow showed green for a right turn & someone came through a red light on the left at over 60k's. She said when they lifted her car onto the transport truck the wheels & suspension fell out of the car. She will be ok, but will take longer this time. I won't go into how her father has behaved, as it is pretty bad & I'm still pretty pissed off with him.
She has only been in Auckland just over a week.

[Curious_AJ]

Well!! It happened! "Z" has had her car written off & been left with a concussion (2nd one in 2 mths). She was at the Newmarket lights. Her arrow showed green for a right turn & someone came through a red light on the left at over 60k's. She said when they lifted her car onto the transport truck the wheels & suspension fell out of the car. She will be ok, but will take longer this time. I won't go into how her father has behaved, as it is pretty bad & I'm still pretty pissed off with him.
She has only been in Auckland just over a week.

man, that's pretty shyte! glad she's okay though. as for the prick that ran into her, i hope he rots in hell!!

[Blue Babe]

"Z" is back in my care.
It's a very long story, but basically her father's new wife (Chinese) Has been trying to get "Z" to conform to the Chinese way of being brought up. In other words now she is a teenager she is expected to get home from school (Lucky she is at school) Cook, Clean, Baby mind etc etc, while they look on & give orders. Wasn't allowed to go & see her mates or have them there. Was encouraged to give up her job & then told she was lazy cause she wasn't studying hard enough.
She actually passed all her mock exams
I had to drive down late one Tues night 2wks ago & get her because her Step Mother actually tried to physically attack "Z" while her father was there. He told me "Z" deserved it cause she was "Lazy" & rude to her elders. I just reminded him very quietly that she is a teenager & that she isn't chinese.
"Z" Has told everyone that she doesn't have a father any more.
We went down again with a van & picked up the rest of her stuff. It was very lucky his wife wasn't there cause I was ready to give her a piece of my mind, as for Him, "Z" & I decided we'd completely ignore him & just take what was hers. That hurt him more than anything cause he wanted an arguement with me. We saw him walk around the house with croc tears. He prob got up next day for work & never thought no more bout it.
That is the very last time he will ever hurt her or my son again. (That was the 3rd time for "Z") As far as I'm concerned he comes any where near them again I'm going to make his life a misery, Big Time!!

[<Rhino>]

To many pages to read through all of that, so I apologise if this has already been said.

Money is power and for a teenager money is everything.

Cut the pocket money and stop paying the cell phone bill, she will feel that pinch. Get her out working, small part time job to earn her own money. If she wants to be treated like an adult then maybe she should take some responsability and get out there and act like one. I had a job at 14 and have paid for all my non-essential stuff since.

Nothing like earning the respect you deserve.

The thing for you BB is not to feel like your being to harsh or unreasonable, we all know as weel as you do that what you are asking of her is neither. Media and impressionism from mostly american sources has alomst made kids uncontrollable, add to that government taking away the right to disipline them and we as parents are fighting a losing battle. You are not being unreasonable, hold your ground and stick to your guns. She may hate you for it now but will love you for it later.

[XxKiTtiExX]

IMHO a bad parent is one that doesn't give a shit what ya do.

Far to true.