Some funny lines

[Kittyhawk]

http://home.scarlet.be/patrick.verbo...sts/index.html

Worth a look some funny lines in there..if you haven't been to this site before.

[Swoop]

FORD:

Federation Of Retarded Drivers
Fatally Obese Redneck Driver (onboard)
Forced On Reluctant Drivers
Fucker Only Runs Downhill

FORD-GT:
Fucked-up Over Rebuilt Dodge Glued Together

[Kittyhawk]

Things you'll never hear Yoda say...

-All I remember are these army guys picking me up at Roswell..."

- "Fear leeds to anger, anger leads to stress, stress leads to doobies, and doobies lead to twinkies."

- "Luke can I feel your light saber?"

- "Those wookies shag like rabbits, I was up half the night"
+
- "I'm a green mean force-machine"

- "THE FORCE THE FORCE do you know where you can stick the force?"

- "Tired of comparisons to Ross Perot, I am..."

- "I had Jeditraining by mail only $4.95"

- "Father of Kermit am I, yes"

- "Me like Hubba hubba Sex! Me suck Cock!"

- "Luke, I lied. You have absolutely no Force ability. The only reason I took you in is because
I thought you were hot!!"

- He slaps his forehead and says : "Doh!".

- "We cannot kill Vader, he still owes me 10 altarian bucks for a giant icecream when he was 9!"

- "Luke, I am your father, I stuck it to your mother long before you were born.
Just call me pop master from now on."

- "I made up all that stuff about the Force.
I really had you goin' though didn't I?"

- "Hey, let's blow this shithole and cruise Bespin for chicks!"

- "Luke, after this movie your acting career is over, yes."

- "Where can I sign up for Jedi Lesons?"

- "Luke, get thee your lips off Leia, she's your sister for
crying out loud!"

- "Remember all that stuff Obi-Wan taught you? Forget it."

- "When 900 years old you reach, get as many chicks you
will not."

- "In that cave is only what you take with you. Hey, get
that out of your hand and put it back in your pants!"

- "Does your droid like short little hairy green things?"

- "Lift THAT ship?! You must be out of your f**king mind!"

- "Never underestimate the powers of the dark side. Or is
that Dr. Kevorkian?"

- "What the hell am I anyway?"

- "Luke! Get your ass back here before I ram this
lightsaber up your butt!"

- "Yeah yeah. Force this!"

- "Luke, forget training today.. I think we ought to have a
talk. Nobody's taught you the facts of life yet and you're
getting to be a big boy..."

- "Luke, don't ask what the Force can do for you.. But what
you can do- for the Force."

- "Hubba-hubba."

- "Hasta la vista, baby."

- "Life is like a box uh' chocolates..."

- "Ummm, Trouble with grammar have I! Yes!"

- "I know Darth Vader really has you annoyed,
but remember if you kill him then you'll be unemployed."

- "Luke, I think it's time you know...
I stuck it to Obiwan with my green pimpled pickle."

- "Help you I can but first pay you must for the first five minutes and
every minute after that is at additional cost"

[TRAINING WHEELS]

Know this isnt lines but had to add it for any "men" that are not sure what a man really is



MALE SENSITIVITY TEST

1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
A. Lovemaking.

B. Screwing.

C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.
2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:
A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.

B. Your blood-test results.

C. Five tequila slammers.
3. You carefully pace yourself to time your orgasm so that:
A. Your partner climaxes first.

B. You both climax simultaneously.

C. You don't miss Sports Update on Nine.
4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
A. Healthy, creative love-play.

B Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to.

C. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend needs to ever find out about.
5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
A. The very best part of the experience.

B. The second best part of the experience.

C. $100 extra.
6. Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:
A. Of no consequence to how you love her and your affectionate feelings for her.

B. Not a problem, she can join your gym if she'd like to.

C. A very conservative estimate.
7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
A. An important model to strive for

B. A myth or an oxymoron.

C. A moron.
8. Foreplay is to sex as:
A. An appetizer is to entree.

B. Primer is to paint.

C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.
9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
A. "This time together has been meaningful for me. I hope we can still be friends."

B. "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep."

C. "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: YOU."
10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
A. Probably needs a little more time, understanding, and gentle encouragement before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.

B. Is uptight and a waste of time.

C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place

Evaluating Results:



* If you answered "A" more than 7 times, check inside your pants to be sure you ARE a man.



* If you answered "B" more than 7 times, check into therapy.



* If you answered "C" more than 7 times, YOU DA MAN!