The grief cycle & paraplegia

**007XX** · 8th September 2007, 19:08

WOW...I feel very humbled by you guys' honnesty, love and courage...

I have never met you IL4, but neither have I ever had a problem with you on line either, and when I did come across you, you seemed ok to me.

I'd never pretend to know or understand what you are going through, but I certainly would think that 10 months is to be considered still early in the process of recuperation from the ordeal you have gone through.

And also, the challenges don't just stop overnight either...So I guess you'd need to take one day at the time!

You both have all my warmest wishes of "get better soon" and hopefully will get to meet at some stage.

**Blondini** · 8th September 2007, 19:49

I feel unless someone has walked in your shoes ,so to speak,Then they should not be so quick to judge. I wish you both all the best and may your love and commitment keep you both strong

Sometimes we offend people..so be it...Your life is yours not anyone elses Live it the best you can.Loves and hugs

**Kiwifire72** · 8th September 2007, 20:05

about 8 or so yrs ago I had an farm bike accident and was flown to Hospital with back injuries after much pain and stress of waiting was told of Compression fractures of three vertabrae and given a week in hospital on bed rest. and of late am at home recovering from a triple Heart bypass .
I can in some ways say to you inline that I have taking a few steps in your shoes and can tell you the pain the anguish you have had to deal with is tough to get thru but you will do it and you will be a much better person for it not that you from what I have read were not before gee is that right lol
you were a good guy before so should be even better guy now lol
I wish you both well and feel free to talk anytime.

**Mrs Busa Pete** · 9th September 2007, 06:24

Thanks for the update Coaster. I was so releaved to read this thread because at the time i thought john had not got there and that he had a long way to go but i had a beer for hi last night because he is now on the way. I wish you both all the very best with lots of

and if there is anything i can do for you please don't hesitate to ask.

Pete and i are riding down to dunedin early december and had planed a stop in new plymouth so hopefully we can finielly get to meet you both.

Wendy

**Mrs Busa Pete** · 9th September 2007, 06:28

Originally Posted by inlinefour

It took me along time to admit this, but thats pretty much what happened. Now I have the job of sorting my head out. Have reciently been thinking about what is important and what is not, which is one of the reasons why I've forced myself to finally first be honest with myself and then be honest with others. Breaking my back has been a life changing experience, in more ways than one. I know its been almost 10 months since I broke my back, but the recovery is still going on. Yes, I used to carry on that things was fine, but at the end of the day I was not wanting to face the truth, guess the truth really does hurt, eh? So yes, if I have offended anyone, I apologie. Now I have the job of going through recovery of the accident properly. I'm getting the help I need and going back through some of the stuff that I did in Burwood. I know that I have reciently been told of things that have happened in Burwood and some of them, for the life of me, I cannot recall. For all my training, it did nothing but help me with my denail convince the staff at Burwood Spinal Unit that everything was fine. Well things was not fine and although I can finally admit it, I have no idea how long it will take to be fine. I'm not actually sure even if I will ever bother getting a trike built as now that I'm being honest, does not seem very important anymore. Was a hard pill to swallow (so to speak), but I have swallowed it.

John you have nothing to appolgize for.

**chanceyy** · 9th September 2007, 07:19

Originally Posted by Coaster

I am writing this on behalf of Inline 4 who wants to let you all know that getting used to being a paraplegic was the easy part!

Getting through the grief cycle is the HARD part. John was put on Amitriptylline (an anti-depressant which is also used for reducing neurological pain) for his neurological pain while in ICU and it was continued while he was at Burwood. Problem was he was extremely sensitive to it and it made him hypermanic and then some. This meant that he became overly happy and thought that everything was great and wonderful and that he was coping so well (some of us call this denial)

. To those of you that visited him you would have noticed the non-stop talking and the fact that he just couldn't slow down. Also got sleep-deprived because he was too busy to waste time sleeping much

Problem was his sister Rachel and I finally convinced them that he was hypermanic so they took him off the medication. He then became irritable, nasty and angry (especially at me - hence deciding everything that happened was my fault

leading to him dumping me!!)

John then came home and became very depressed being the other extreme and was then suspicious, hypervililant and paranoid. So to all those people who he offended through the various sites over the past few months he wants to let you all know that he is really sorry

Thankfully he is getting there and becoming more like the John I knew and fell in love with

so I am giving him another chance so please if he has pissed (am I allowed to use that word 'Mods'?) any of you off - more than he usually does!, please give him another chance - those that know him well will agree he is a really awesome guy and values the comradarie that usually is abundant on this site (there is a few exceptions but then there always will be!)

Catch you around on-site
Cheers Donna/Coaster

congrats to you both .. when a life altering event happens to one person they have to adjust to living with the consequences of that .. along with their partner, But its hard for the person affected the most to realise that. Kudos to you Donna for being the rock you obviously are & for the love you have shown in letting John go .. now he has come back to you ...

John so glad you have gone through some of the denial process .. it is a long one mate but to have the love & support of someone beside you can make that process a wee bit easier to bear, you are totally deserving of a good woman to take that path with you .. & your lucky to have found her ..

I certainly wish you guys all the best for your future, just take it one day at a time ..

Originally Posted by inlinefour

It took me along time to admit this, but thats pretty much what happened. Now I have the job of sorting my head out. Have reciently been thinking about what is important and what is not, which is one of the reasons why I've forced myself to finally first be honest with myself and then be honest with others. Breaking my back has been a life changing experience, in more ways than one. I know its been almost 10 months since I broke my back, but the recovery is still going on. Yes, I used to carry on that things was fine, but at the end of the day I was not wanting to face the truth, guess the truth really does hurt, eh? So yes, if I have offended anyone, I apologie. Now I have the job of going through recovery of the accident properly. I'm getting the help I need and going back through some of the stuff that I did in Burwood. I know that I have reciently been told of things that have happened in Burwood and some of them, for the life of me, I cannot recall. For all my training, it did nothing but help me with my denail convince the staff at Burwood Spinal Unit that everything was fine. Well things was not fine and although I can finally admit it, I have no idea how long it will take to be fine. I'm not actually sure even if I will ever bother getting a trike built as now that I'm being honest, does not seem very important anymore. Was a hard pill to swallow (so to speak), but I have swallowed it.

No problem here either John .. kinda figured your headspace & again we have never met, but understood where you was coming from so your all G in my book hon

**canarlee** · 9th September 2007, 11:27

inline4 i have met you a couple of times now, had some banter on here too.

never offensive, funny yes, a nice fella? yes!

i hope all goes well for you mate! its deserved.

i just hope one thing mate, dont stop letting their tyres down if they park where they shouldnt!

now stop acting gay and HTFU!

**yungatart** · 9th September 2007, 11:34

Godo luck to you both!
All the best!

**Macktheknife** · 9th September 2007, 14:12

Originally Posted by inlinefour

It took me along time to admit this, but thats pretty much what happened. Now I have the job of sorting my head out. Have reciently been thinking about what is important and what is not, which is one of the reasons why I've forced myself to finally first be honest with myself and then be honest with others. Breaking my back has been a life changing experience, in more ways than one. I know its been almost 10 months since I broke my back, but the recovery is still going on. Yes, I used to carry on that things was fine, but at the end of the day I was not wanting to face the truth, guess the truth really does hurt, eh? So yes, if I have offended anyone, I apologie. Now I have the job of going through recovery of the accident properly. I'm getting the help I need and going back through some of the stuff that I did in Burwood. I know that I have reciently been told of things that have happened in Burwood and some of them, for the life of me, I cannot recall. For all my training, it did nothing but help me with my denail convince the staff at Burwood Spinal Unit that everything was fine. Well things was not fine and although I can finally admit it, I have no idea how long it will take to be fine. I'm not actually sure even if I will ever bother getting a trike built as now that I'm being honest, does not seem very important anymore. Was a hard pill to swallow (so to speak), but I have swallowed it.

John, so good to hear you are coming to grips with your situation. I am very happy for you and Donna and I wish you both the very best together.
Don't beat yourself up over any perceived mistakes in the last 10 months, just focus on being better in future. This really is only the beginning.

You both have many friends here and strong support whenever you need it, keep your chin up and stay honest with yourself.
All the best
Mack

**Swoop** · 9th September 2007, 15:10

First of all, respect to both of you! Major changes in your lives, but rewarding ones.

Originally Posted by canarlee

i just hope one thing mate, dont stop letting their tyres down if they park where they shouldnt!

Letting them down? Fuck that! Cordless drill through the sidewall so the cunts can't get it repaired!!! Bastards!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Keep up the good work!

**nadroj** · 9th September 2007, 15:19

[QUOTE=canarlee;1198937]i just hope one thing mate, dont stop letting their tyres down if they park where they shouldnt!
QUOTE]

And the stupid bitches drove away on it!!!