Couples separating - UPDATE

[mstriumph]

Don't let her new relationship get to you matey....that is what she wants and to be fair you don't know what she has been telling him to persuade him to have a relationship with her............

don't you think you may be letting your own experiences sour your outlook a little Grahameeboy?

To be fair, you don't know WHAT she 'wants' or what she's been 'telling' anyone etc ..... i only point this out because it'll be easier for young1, his children and all concerned if this mess is settled AMICABLY .....

he's bound to be feeling some bitterness, anger, betrayal and disappointment anyway because of the way this has happened ---- but he can't afford to let these feelings get the upper hand until the legalities are signed, sealed and delivered ......... otherwise it will just degenerate into bitter recriminations and a long-drawn out public slanging match that benefits NOONE except the legal profession

so - in a nutshell - please no inflammatory language here, no matter what your own experience has been? we can all swap war stories AFTER the lawyers have collected their fees and gone home ...........

[Grahameeboy]

don't you think you may be letting your own experiences sour your outlook a little Grahameeboy?

To be fair, you don't know WHAT she 'wants' or what she's been 'telling' anyone etc ..... i only point this out because it'll be easier for young1, his children and all concerned if this mess is settled AMICABLY .....

he's bound to be feeling some bitterness, anger, betrayal and disappointment anyway because of the way this has happened ---- but he can't afford to let these feelings get the upper hand until the legalities are signed, sealed and delivered ......... otherwise it will just degenerate into bitter recriminations and a long-drawn out public slanging match that benefits NOONE except the legal profession

so - in a nutshell - please no inflammatory language here, no matter what your own experience has been? we can all swap war stories AFTER the lawyers have collected their fees and gone home ...........

I didn't say I knew and this is not just based on my own experiences, just trying to help Young1 from simply blaming himself and being angry towards the new partner, but understand your point.

He did after all post a Thread about this so assume he was seeking feedback.

Apologies Young1

[vifferman]

That prick she is with better not be a biker (if so I bet he rides a Honda!!)

Yeah, he does (it's me!)
Seriously though, this can be a problem (not the Honda riding - the coveting of your goodies). A guy I know had his wife come around to the house when he wasn't there, and give the keys for one of his Porsches (the GT3) to her new man, who was a crap driver and buggered it. If it was me [insert Tui ad], I would've been well fucked off about it, and called the cops, but he was just so devastated by the whole thing that he just let it go.

[MSTRS:Me]

Hmmmm...the cynic in me would question why your ex would come offering 'gifts'. There will probably be something behind that offer that favours her. Perhaps it was merely to assuage some guilt on her part for leaving you. Perhaps the concession is to mask something else.
Whatever, just be careful about taking it at face value.

[Macktheknife]

Hey Young1, good advice given to you already, take your time, do not rush decisions and get a good lawyer to make sure you are not accidentally screwing yourself, all good stuff.
More good stuff, life and love is an ever changing environment, sometimes those changes take unexpected turns and leave us in places we would rather not be, sadly, that is just life.
Stay strong in yourself, keep your friends close around you, live to your principles despite the hardship and keep your focus on the truly important things.
From experience, it is better to close any joint accounts you have asap, organise your finances as quickly as possible.

[HenryDorsetCase]

It isn't ALL about the money, but the thing is, once the dust and stuff has settled, you would like to think you'd have enough money to try and get on with life, maybe buy another house etc.

when you do, ask your lawyer about a trust.... its useful particularly if done prior to you meeting your new partner (and you will..... ) short term tactical decisions here, taken with a long term strategic view.

[HenryDorsetCase]

Yeah, he does (it's me!)
Seriously though, this can be a problem (not the Honda riding - the coveting of your goodies). A guy I know had his wife come around to the house when he wasn't there, and give the keys for one of his Porsches (the GT3) to her new man, who was a crap driver and buggered it. If it was me [insert Tui ad], I would've been well fucked off about it, and called the cops, but he was just so devastated by the whole thing that he just let it go.

holy shit! thats a $250k plus motor car. thats a hanging offence!

[ynot slow]

Only couple of things,keep ya head up high,you're above her crap etc,my own situation was the same,lost most things but only monetary,self respect in tact,got back with life,met a couple of women,had fun settled down.
Lifes ok.
Parents also seperated after we had their silver anniversary,dad's still close to his inlaws,me I can't be fucked with mine(13yrs),mine soon discovered backstabbing is ok.Their sister and daughter is perfect,still who am I to change their views.

Took me awhile to get over parents divorce but in hindsight it was no biggy,found out stuff they both did,i.e affairs etc,still love and respect the folks and appreciate they're still alive,mind you finding out at 37 or 38 you have a step brother who is about 18 is fun,meeting him and acknowledging him is great,have no probs with him,just sad it took so long to find out,mind you dad doesn't know I know lol.

[young1]

Only couple of things,keep ya head up high,you're above her crap etc,my own situation was the same,lost most things but only monetary,self respect in tact,got back with life,met a couple of women,had fun settled down.
Lifes ok.
Parents also seperated after we had their silver anniversary,dad's still close to his inlaws,me I can't be fucked with mine(13yrs),mine soon discovered backstabbing is ok.Their sister and daughter is perfect,still who am I to change their views.

Took me awhile to get over parents divorce but in hindsight it was no biggy,found out stuff they both did,i.e affairs etc,still love and respect the folks and appreciate they're still alive,mind you finding out at 37 or 38 you have a step brother who is about 18 is fun,meeting him and acknowledging him is great,have no probs with him,just sad it took so long to find out,mind you dad doesn't know I know lol.

Thanks for that, all these comments and words of encouragement do help. This morning she did agree to meet tomorrow to discuss this (I still do not know why she left me) but by end of day had changed her mind. I have had enough of this shit, she has done the dirty, lied to me etc, time for me to move on!!

[vagrant]

time for me to move on!!

I guess that's the hardest thing to realize, say, and then do. But it's a fine place to start a new you.

[ynot slow]

Sounds like she might have second thoughts about the other guy and realises her mistake,problem is you now know her way of thinking,and as you say don't need the crap.Reconcile if you both want to try for another go,but only if it's worth it,trust is a big thing to get back,best of luck for you.

[young1]

No she has done the dirty and is now trying to come up with things that I have done to justify her leaving me!

[scumdog]

Yep I am taking things slowly now. Yep a few quiet rums will be well worth it once everything is finalised (but I am not looking forward to the day I see her with that prick downtown!!! or worse on a ride somewhere!)

Don't lose any time thinking about the 'other man', it's like blaming the tar-seal for your gravel-rash when you arse-off your bike.

Something else has created the situation before the 'other man' (or the tar-seal) became a part of your misery.

Chances are even if you had the clout to get rid of him another one would pop-up, trust me, it's not JUST because of that guy that she has left.

Focus on getting on with life and making sure you don't get screwed over re property/cash etc.

[Grahameeboy]

No she has done the dirty and is now trying to come up with things that I have done to justify her leaving me!

Empathy Young1........she will also have a lot of guilt which is why she is trying to justify her actions..

It may be hard to understand but she is hurting too, however, when someone does the dirty I agree it is hard to forget that and it sounds like you are on right track.

Have a great week.