Knife incident

[shafty]

Thinking about cyfs. You hear about things that happen and how they could have been avoided if someone had done/said something. I'll be doing/saying something at sometime to someone, make no mistake.

What I need to do right now is take some deep breaths.

Predictable result, - but bloody well done in keeping composed, great effort!

[scumdog]

Well, I met the parents at 8.00pm and I can see where the problem comes from. The father seems to think that his boys are all angels, it was deny, defend and throw the complainants out of the building.

Welcome to my world!!!

90% of troublesome kids I deal with (and by 'kids' I mean up to 17) have parents just like you mentioned, the kids are stuffed by that 'support', are arrogant, smart-arsed and anti-police, comes as hell of a shock when mum&dad can't keep 'em out of Court/PD/Prison later on.

[candor]

Its neglect. Who is teaching this kid the difference between irises and daffodils (or the male equivalent)? Doesn't matter his siblings are coping, just lucky maybe but the set up is obviously not agreeing with this child.

ADHD is a convenient excuse to remove responsibility off the parents and the child by the parents. Ditto to previous poster.

While ADHD does exist it is only real in about 5-10% of diagnosed cases - the rest of the time it's to do with poor parenting.

Found this out working at McKenzie residential school (for 6-10 year old future kilers / gangsters etc). On checkin most are diagnosed as severe ADHD and on ritalin. By checkout 2 years on or usually within a few mths the meds are successfully stopped for around 90%. Quite an eye opener that was.

Misdiagnosis of children disturbed by their environment with no idea of what constitutes normal behaviour or strong motivation to "attention seek" is common. As parents are either self absorbed eg addicts / alcys or just plain absent eg professionals climbing ladder and no energy / time for little Johnny.

This kid needs specialist help, and so do the parents just as much. Special education teachers are the people to consult and a behaviour modification program should be put in place right away. If the denial of the parents can't be broken his main hope is a mature babysitter who has the right experience or that English woman with glasses on tv who fixes small terrorists probs up.

[Edbear]

My daughter later recounted a comment the father made just a few days into the job; "I don't want to have any tales about my boys getting back to me". What does that tell you?.

Why are so many parents so blind? I know I could see the faults in my kids...If they had any...!


Seriously, though, good on you! Sorry I misread your post and got the age wrong. At six he is really of concern as by then the behaviour patterns are becoming cemented. (Hey, "cement"... an idea is forming...)

[Paul in NZ]

Chatted about it with the clever daughters on the ride in (I drop them both at uni) and they agreed that a lot of attention seeking behaviour is misdiagnosed as ADHD. However real ADHD is not a nice thing at all...

Sad innit... Both parents have to work these days to get on (or even tread water)..... Can't be good in the long run for society...

[peasea]

Why are so many parents so blind? I know I could see the faults in my kids...If they had any...!


Seriously, though, good on you! Sorry I misread your post and got the age wrong. At six he is really of concern as by then the behaviour patterns are becoming cemented. (Hey, "cement"... an idea is forming...)

I think I have an old pair of gummies lurking somewhere but the problem is; who do you put in them? The kids or the parents?

[canarlee]

I think I have an old pair of gummies lurking somewhere but the problem is; who do you put in them? The kids or the parents?

put the parents in them!


it might, just might not be too late for the kids...........

[MSTRS:Me]

I think I have an old pair of gummies lurking somewhere but the problem is; who do you put in them? The kids or the parents?

The father. Head first. As you would a tomcat.

[peasea]

Chatted about it with the clever daughters on the ride in (I drop them both at uni) and they agreed that a lot of attention seeking behaviour is misdiagnosed as ADHD. However real ADHD is not a nice thing at all...

Sad innit... Both parents have to work these days to get on (or even tread water)..... Can't be good in the long run for society...

To an extent I'll agree, especially about it not being good for society, BUT;

My ex and I both worked, got a house and decided to have kids. The one thing we always agreed on was that one of us should be there at the start and the end of each working day. What that meant was sacrifice and hard work. We went without a lot of things because I was just a lowly spanner man and one pay packet paid for everything, including holidays away every Christmas, which both the kids have fond memories of. I went without a bike for some years and much more besides to give those kids a great childhood and now they thank me for it, which is worth a hundred times what it took in effort and cash.

To cut a long story short, after nine years in my own business I sold it as a going concern and the ex went back to work after I paid to put her through uni'. (Try juggling a business and two toddlers while the wife is at uni'!!!) I did the house-hubby thing and loved every minute of it; walking the kids to school etc, getting dinner on and tarting up the house etc until we split in 01. All the time there was only one pay packet. Having one parent at home isn't easy but it can be done.

So ask yourself; is it the high cost of living, or the cost of high living?

[klingon]

Hey pease, just want to say I admire the way you're handling this situation - staying calm, making sure your daughter is safe, talking to parents. Definitely time to make the police aware of this kid. Maybe nothing they can do yet, but hopefully they will be ready as he gets older and more out of control.

Very sad for the kid really. This is what happens when you have no boundaries and no responsibility.

Chatted about it with the clever daughters on the ride in (I drop them both at uni) ...

*Trying to imagine Paul on his bike with his two clever daughters - one on the back and one perched on the handlebars perhaps?

[Paul in NZ]

*Trying to imagine Paul on his bike with his two clever daughters - one on the back and one perched on the handlebars perhaps?

no mate - I can't afford to commute on a motorcycle - the running costs are crippling compared to the mighty starlet and now - the corolla of doom....

[Paul in NZ]

To an extent I'll agree, especially about it not being good for society, BUT;

So ask yourself; is it the high cost of living, or the cost of high living?

Too true.... We've been a single income most of our lives and paid the price for it but for us it was worth it. More power to you I say!

[mstriumph]

The kid is probably high on additives, salts & sugars in the crap food that is fed/sold these days (maybe why ADD is something reletively new & increasing in numbers). The kid is out of control with himself. It is like drugs & alcohol to small bodies. ...............

red cordial and parental unconcern/ignorance has a lot to answer for ....

[avgas]

Dont fret - the kids sound slightly retarded, no major job prospects for them. All going well they will get a job gutting fish and the like.
Worst case scenario they go on a benefit. Their father can live in his bubble.

[mstriumph]

Welcome to my world!!!

90% of troublesome kids I deal with (and by 'kids' I mean up to 17) have parents just like you mentioned, the kids are stuffed by that 'support', are arrogant, smart-arsed and anti-police, comes as hell of a shock when mum&dad can't keep 'em out of Court/PD/Prison later on.

the problem is kids are complex
but, unlike OTHER complex things you aquire, they DON't come with a 'how to' manual or web-support

another problem is kids are different
so even if they DID come with a manual it would have to be so general as to be meaningless

but the worst problem is you don't have to be qualified to have them
----- everything ELSE you have that requires a degree of expertise to manage and/or could cause concern, danger or discomfort to other members of the community YOU HAVE TO HAVE A LICENCE FOR .... but kids? nahhhh - seems to me the only time most people think about parenting classes is when there's already a problem ....... and that's the more responsible ones. Others, like your neighbour, are in denial.

so - what to do? think 'vicious unrestrained dog' - think 'cage driver high on roadrage' - even think 'footpath damaged causing a potential trip hazard' if you like ..... ........... my point being that, as a responsible person you'd prolly report those things? Well, what's the difference?

my 2c