Creative writing

**hXc** · 15th October 2007, 15:45

At school, we have just finished doing our creative writing achievement standard. This beauty got me a merit, but I'm going to attempt to resubmit for excellence.

Focus. Alright, I tell myself. Clutch in, starter button, first gear, accelerate.

The low rumble of a 1300cc monster engine below me reminds me to take it easy for the first couple of laps.
The sound of the other bikes means nothing now. The faint smell of petrol tickles my senses, and suddenly I find myself approaching turn one. I drop it in quickly, as a green machine sweeps around the outside of me. The weight I find myself having to throw around serves as another reminder to take it easy.

Eyes up. 2nd gear, 3rd gear. 160 clicks. Now brake!

A sweeping right, left, right 's' is now behind me as I come a cross a tight right hander. This green machine is immediately in front of me and I have to swerve as suddenly, his rear slides out and he's hit the deck - hard.
I quietly hope I'm not going to end up like him.

With ease, I guide this 200kg beast through the infield, passing other riders with a twist of throttle and my young, full boosts of testosterone. I feel one with the bike now - man and machine, not man versus machine. The sweeper is a hard corner, and as I find myself roaring past other riders, I know I'm too fast.

In my head- sky, ground, sky, ground, crack. My ankle and arm - broken. Under my ripped leathers, My bones have pierced the skin. I start to feel dizzy as the pain sets in like quick-dry cement.

But I shift my weight and gently but thoroughly, I haul on the anchors and drop in right - hard and deep. I'm determined to show this thing who's in charge. My knee goes out and hits the ground - I feel like Rossi riding MotoGP.

"Eyes through, smooth throttle, upright...pin it" is what Chris said to me. I follow his advice and luckily, find myself heading down main straight. Wind rushes past and I have to tuck behind the screen as my speed increases. 120, 170, 200. I look up, pass more riders. Down again - 220, 240. I'm concentrating and calculating how much straight I have left - 300m. Speedo reads 260k's and my eyes begin to sting. Even blur.

I can feel the tunnel vision crawling...scratching at my eyes as a full second later, 270k's and 100m to go before three tight corners...

Front brake, rear brake, down shift, down shift - 2nd gear, 80k's. Drop left, flick right, and quickly back left again.
Pit straight.

There's one lap down, and about eight to go. I cross the start/finish line and prepare myself for another lap at Taupo on the fastest production bike in the world; Suzuki's GSXR1300 Hayabusa.

In one lap, I've dodged a fallen comrade, avoided a crash and broken my own personal speed record.
Thank you Chris, for the amazing experience.
Thank you Suzuki.

**The Pastor** · 15th October 2007, 16:22

kinda wanky mate

**hXc** · 15th October 2007, 16:24

Originally Posted by renegade master

kinda wanky mate

You write something better then. Knob.

The above story is based on fact. But a little bit of beefin up put in places to make it exciting.

**The Pastor** · 15th October 2007, 16:26

Originally Posted by hXc

You write something better then. Knob.

The above story is based on fact. But a little bit of beefin up put in places to make it exciting.

ok i'll write somthing that is both bigger and better than yours, are you ready?

renegade masters penis

SORTED

**deanohit** · 15th October 2007, 16:33

Ahh bugger off RM!!!

Thought it was pretty cool hXc, I reckon you got the thoughts and feeling spot on mate, A+

**Scorpygirl** · 15th October 2007, 16:39

Well done HxC. A good piece of writing.

.

**yungatart** · 15th October 2007, 16:47

Originally Posted by renegade master

ok i'll write somthing that is both bigger and better than yours, are you ready?

renegade masters penis

SORTED

Hahahahahaha! That is really creative!
Bloody humorous too!

Lacks any substance tho, and not enough detail....
NA (not achieved)

**Colapop** · 15th October 2007, 16:49

You coulda done the same piece about a set with the band.... you on the kit... Still pretty cool though

**Maha** · 15th October 2007, 16:52

Originally Posted by renegade master

renegade masters penis in a Watermelon

Yeah now thats big!.....

**jrandom** · 15th October 2007, 16:54

Well written, sir, and not in the slightest bit emo.

I humbly and publically apologise for my earlier inappropriate and entirely inaccurate insinuations, and offer a lap or three of Taupo track on my Ohlins-bedecked GSX-R750 in consideration for your annoyance, as material for further not-at-all-emo writing.

Am I forgiven?

**gijoe1313** · 15th October 2007, 16:58

Not too bad, a merit definitely ... heading towards a high merit - to get excellence you would need to incorporate some more language techniques like alliteration (e.g. the tach takes two seconds to tell me...)/similes (e.g. "the throb beneath feels like 100 horses galloping")/metaphors (e.g. "I find myself roaring behind with the speed of a cheetah chasing down it's prey" <-- ooh metaphor and alliteration!) and to nail it home, an extended metaphor (ooh funny that, biking metaphor would do!). No onomatopoeic words?

Good on ya hXc, keep putting in those hard yards and you'll do fine in the externals!

**fireball** · 15th October 2007, 17:00

Originally Posted by renegade master

ok i'll write somthing that is both bigger and better than yours, are you ready?

renegade masters penis

SORTED

its people like you that cut down someone who is obviously good at what they do, that stops others stepping out and reaching and excelling their potential.... bloody tall poppy syndrome really

that is really good hXc id love to read more feel free to PM me some more anytime creative writing is good for the soul keep it up and it can and will take you places if you let it!

for you!

**hXc** · 15th October 2007, 17:02

Originally Posted by jrandom

Well written, sir, and not in the slightest bit emo.

I humbly and publically apologise for my earlier inappropriate and entirely inaccurate insinuations, and offer a lap or three of Taupo track on my Ohlins-bedecked GSX-R750 in consideration for your annoyance, as material for further not-at-all-emo writing.

Am I forgiven?

Mate. You're forgiven.
Yesterday's post was insensitive, but I accept your apology.
And of course, your offer if you're serious.

**hXc** · 15th October 2007, 17:04

Originally Posted by fireball

that is really good hXc id love to read more feel free to PM me some more anytime creative writing is good for the soul keep it up and it can and will take you places if you let it!

for you!

Haven't really done too much creative writing/short stories, more inclined to write poetry, but check http://bebo.com/urlthing. It has all my poetry and my new story too.