Creative writing

[hXc]

dude i didnt say you writing was rubbish, i said it was average - why it didnt get an excellence.

dont have a winge to the mods, i still love you

Actually. If I recall rightly, you said it was wanky. Nothing about average.

[fireball]

I must have missed it too!
Not sure whose sense of humour button is off kilter, but I suspect that it ain't mine.

i second that i must have missed the humor somewhere......

".. hellloooo humor where have you gone?......"

[Sanx]

Neva a truer word has been spoken

We From the North acknowledge your writing prowess I could almost visual the ride myself right up to the point when ya told me it was an "UKI" ......Oh well In my head it was a yammy

Could tell it was a Zuki from the first sentence - "clutch in, starter button".

I'm not creative writer, although I always seemed to get excellent marks for it at school. But if you want my comments:

1. THE monster engine, not A monster engine. You make it sound like it's just any old donk, rather than the one in the bike you're riding. And to say it's a 1300cc is just wank-factor.
2. 'right-hander' and 'left-hander' should by hyphenated.
3. Pain doesn't set like cement, no matter how fast it dries. At least, not in any metaphor I've come across. I'd imagine if you were to come up with a metaphor for pain, it'd be something to with lightning or electricity; something fast and untamed.
4. Too much use of the hyphen mid-sentence. Some of them should be commas, others should be semi-colons. Try avoid split-clause sentences if you can, or make the transition from one clause to another more seamless.
5. The Rossi and MotoGP references only work if the reader knows who Rossi is, and what MotoGP is. Obviously, you write to your audience, so when posting it up here, it's a given. However, don't assume some flighty creative writing teacher will know what you're talking about.
6. The thank yous at the end seem out of place.
7. Oh - and before Hitcher mentions it - there are also numerous abuses of the apostrophe.

I'm not saying I could do any better. I probably couldn't, truth be told. Personally, I favour quite raw, stripped-down prose. Carl Hiassen, Christopher Brookmyre, Elmore Leonard, Ian Rankin and similar type authors. Flowery text doesn't do it for me, but that's not to say that your style won't find advocates. Rather like music, different people like different writing styles.

[bubbles]

Very good writing young man! I also had a look on your bebo, I hope you keep it up

[Scorpygirl]

i second that i must have missed the humor somewhere......

".. hellloooo humor where have you gone?......"

Humour.....all is forgiven!!!!

[hXc]

Pain doesn't set like cement, no matter how fast it dries. At least, not in any metaphor I've come across. I'd imagine if you were to come up with a metaphor for pain, it'd be something to with lightning or electricity; something fast and untamed.

Adrenaline causes pain to be 'put off' for a short amount of time.
And how would my teacher know what happens anyway? She doesn't ride bikes, and it doesn't have to be all reality. As I said...I beefed it up a little.

Too much use of the hyphen mid-sentence. Some of them should be commas, others should be semi-colons. Try avoid split-clause sentences if you can, or make the transition from one clause to another more seamless.

According to my teacher, and the HOD, there are no errors within the story.

The Rossi and MotoGP references only work if the reader knows who Rossi is, and what MotoGP is. Obviously, you write to your audience, so when posting it up here, it's a given. However, don't assume some flighty creative writing teacher will know what you're talking about.

We are encouraged to write using our own tongue. If the story is about bikes, our teacher will expect to see bike lingo in there. Our audience is our teacher. We are not told "you can't put this in because I don't understand it."

Oh - and before Hitcher mentions it - there are also numerous abuses of the apostrophe.

As I said earlier...


Not trying to put you down or anything. I know that different people enjoy different writing styles (funny you mention music - I'm a musician), and I know that not everyone will like that story. Just as much as I don't expect them to. But these stories are not necessarily written for enjoyment by the reader - they are written to get us a mark. The teacher may personally hate the story, but if it's written well and meets the requirements, they can't fail us.

But I do understand where you're coming from.

[Sanx]

According to my teacher, and the HOD, there are no [grammatical] errors within the story.

Erm ... if you submitted it as typed, then there are grammatical errors. What I said regarding use of hyphens mid-sentence is more of a best-practice guideline than a hard and fast rule, but the others I mentioned are definites.

[Pancakes]

ok i'll write somthing that is both bigger and better than yours, are you ready?

renegade masters penis

SORTED

Leave the Renegay'd alone u guys, I mean... someone who rides a bike called "Tracy" and lives in Kaiwaka must know big?! Right?

Hhahahahah, Master-bater.

He was just baiting U hXc, stick at it dude.