The Perfect Dress

[Korumba]

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen
her excitement -- not even her parents' nasty divorce.
Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best
dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!

A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's
new young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother! Jennifer
asked her step mom to exchange it, but she refused. Absolutely not. I
look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she
replied. Jennifer told her mother who graciously said,"Never mind
sweetheart I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day."

A few days later they went shopping and did find another gorgeous
dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't
you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another
occasion where you could wear it." Her mother just smiled and
replied, "Of course I do,dear........I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner
the night before the wedding."

[jigyjig]

that

is

hilarious

[Macktheknife]

Now that is so much better than funny
It's devious and brilliant and inspired. Bling awarded.

[Her_C4]

A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second. In the third everything had just been reduced to a fiver when her mobile phone rang. It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU. The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she'd be there as soon as possible.

As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever in the shops. she decided to get in a couple of more shops before heading to the hospital. She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a beautiful coffee slice complimentary from the last shop

She was jubilant. Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital. She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her Husband's condition.

The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your shopping trip didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit!

It's just as well you went ahead and finished, because it will be more than likely the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will require round the clock care. And you'll now be his carer!"

The woman was feeling so guilty she broke down and sobbed...........

The lady doctor then chuckled and said, "I'm just pulling your leg.

He's dead.

What did you buy?"

[Thomas]

That would be my wife in that last joke...

[MSTRS:Me]

That would be my wife in that last joke...

A man wakes up in hospital, bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness.
Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway. You're going to be OK, you'll walk again, everything seems to be OK, but something happened. I'm trying to break this gently to you, but your todger was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it."
Now the bloke groans a bit but the doctor goes on,
"You've got $10,000 compensation coming to you and we have the technology now to build you a new todger that will work as well as your old one did, better in fact. But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. Its $1,000 an inch."
The bloke perks up at this.
'So the thing is' the doctor says, 'it's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a six inch one before and you decide to go for a ten incher she might be a bit put out. But if you had a ten inch one before and you decide only
to invest in a six incher this time she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision.'
So the bloke agrees to talk with his wife and the doctor comes back the next day.
'So' says the doctor 'Have you spoken with your wife?
'I have.' says the fellow.
'And has she helped you in making the decision?
'She has' says the bloke.
'And what is it?' asks the doctor.
"We're having a new kitchen".