Waving - the neverending saga (multiple threads merged into one)

[Lord Derosso]

I've just had a great and novel idea.
Why don't we think of a KiwiBiker wave so that we can all recognise each other on the road?

I tried to get that one going months ago but everyone was being rude.
Also I didn't realise that a lot of bike riding non members think we are dorks either, until there was a huge thread about about. Hence why I decided not to buy a KB sticker for the bike. Besides what if the other rider isnt a KB member? Flapping your arms isn't going to endear them to you. Heck, they might think you are getting funny and chase you and beat you up. I suppose that would be an effective trial and error way of getting the KB wave right.

[Squeak the Rat]

We’ve seen a large number of threads on waving recently and a lot of members are sick of the subject. Some are getting a bit grumpy even. So as an alternative to waving here’s the low down on another form of acknowledgement. Nods. (Please note, there has only ever been one thread specifically about nods, and that was about the legaility of, so this is not a repost)

Nods are used when

• You’re too busy to wave
• Being a noob you’re too scared to take your hand off the bars
• Being a shit rider your too scared to take your hand off the bars
• You’re afraid the other rider won’t wave back and you don’t want to look like a fool
• You’re far too cool to wave at some one. You never saw Fonzy waving now did you?

Now that you know when to nod, you now need to traverse the minefield of how to make this stick. Types of nods include:

• The “stare pointedly at the other biker without hardly moving your head” nod.
• The “dip of the chin” nod.
• The “upwards” nod. Common with South Aucklanders who combine this with a raising of the eyebrows – a purely redundant reflex measure that is obscured by most helmet visors.
• The self-concious “little” nod which if not returned you hope looked like you were checking your speedo.
• Then there's the “twist of the head” – the I'm pretending to wink nod.
• And the little used tipping back of the head, also known as the “oh-oh-oh-oh-my-god“ nod.

Good luck practicing this, and hopefully your nod’s will be returned by other bikers around the country. A right happy bunch of biking noddy’s.

Squeak.

[Big Dave]

ARTHUR:

Launcelot! Launcelot! Launcelot!

BEDEVERE:

Launcelot! Launcelot!

ARTHUR:

Launcelot!

[police radio]

Launcelot!

BEDEVERE:

Launcelot! Launcelot!

[angels sing]

[singing stops]

[ethereal music]

ARTHUR:

The Castle Aaaagh. Our quest is at an end!

God be praised! Almighty God, we thank Thee that Thou hast vouchsafed to us the most holy--

[twong]

[baaaa]

Jesus Christ!

[thud]

FRENCH GUARD:

Allo, dappy English k-niggets and Monsieur Arthur King, who has the brain of a duck, you know. So, we French fellows outwit you a second time!

ARTHUR:

How dare you profane this place with your presence! I command you, in the name of the Knights of Camelot, to open the doors of this sacred castle, to which God Himself has guided us!

FRENCH GUARD:

How you English say, 'I one more time, mac, unclog my nose in your direction', sons of a window-dresser!

So, you think you could out-clever us French folk with your silly knees-bent running about advancing behavior?! I wave my private parts at your aunties, you cheesy lot of second hand electric donkey-bottom biters.

ARTHUR:

In the name of the Lord, we demand entrance to this sacred castle!

FRENCH GUARD:

No chance, English bed-wetting types. I burst my pimples at you and call your door-opening request a silly thing, you tiny-brained wipers of other people's bottoms!

ARTHUR:

If you do not open this door, we shall take this castle by force!

[splat]

In the name of God and the glory of our--

[splat]

FRENCH GUARDS:

[laughing]

ARTHUR:

Agh. Right! That settles it!

FRENCH GUARD:

Yes, depart a lot at this time and cut the approaching any more, or we fire arrows at the tops of your heads and make castanets out of your testicles already! Ha ha haaa ha!

ARTHUR:

Walk away. Just ignore them.

FRENCH GUARD:

And now, remain gone, illegitimate-faced bugger-folk! And, if you think you got a nasty taunting this time, you ain't heard nothing yet, dappy English k-nnniggets! Thpppt!

FRENCH GUARDS:

[taunting]

ARTHUR:

We shall attack at once!

BEDEVERE:

Yes, my liege!

ARTHUR:

Stand by for attack!

[exciting music]

[music stops]

[silence]

French persons!

FRENCH GUARDS:

[taunting] ...Dappy!...

ARTHUR:

Today the blood of many a valiant knight shall be avenged. In the name of God,...

FRENCH GUARDS:

Hoo hoo! Ohh, ha ha ha ha ha!...

ARTHUR:

...we shall not stop our fight till each one of you lies dead and the Holy Grail returns to those whom God has chosen!

FRENCH GUARDS:

...Ha ha ha!...

ARTHUR:

Charge!

[idb]

I've had a novel idea.
Why don't we think of a KiwiBiker nod so that we can recognise each other on the road?

[07fatboy]

that was funny bloke....but so truuuuu

[Big Dave]

nodding has its ups and downs too.

[idb]

Completely off-topic BD.
Be ashamed...be very ashamed!!!

[07fatboy]

I'll have what ever big dave had before he posted that

[gamgee]

Now that you know when to nod, you now need to traverse the minefield of how to make this stick. Types of nods include:

• The “stare pointedly at the other biker without hardly moving your head” nod.
• The “dip of the chin” nod.
• The “upwards” nod. Common with South Aucklanders who combine this with a raising of the eyebrows – a purely redundant reflex measure that is obscured by most helmet visors.
• The self-concious “little” nod which if not returned you hope looked like you were checking your speedo.
• Then there's the “twist of the head” – the I'm pretending to wink nod.
• And the little used tipping back of the head, also known as the “oh-oh-oh-oh-my-god“ nod.

was anyone else nodding there head away as they read this

[Big Dave]

Completely off-topic BD.
Be ashamed...be very ashamed!!!

Sergeant-Major: Quite agree, quite agree, too silly, far too silly... (takes customer by the arm) Come on, you, you've got to go do another sketch now! Come on... (he walks off stage left, followed by the director and cameramen, leaving the owner alone on the set)
O: (to the audience) Well! I never wanted to do this in the first place. I wanted to be... A LUMBERJACK!
Alternative Ending
C: Pray, does it talk?
O: Nnnnot really.
C: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
O: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)
C: Well.
(pause)
O: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place?
C: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.

[Squeak the Rat]

This thread is no more! It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet it's maker! It's a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed it to the perch it'd be pushing up the daisies! It's metabolic processes are now 'istory! It's off the twig! It's kicked the bucket, It's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!!
THIS IS AN EX-THREAD!!

[Sniper]

nodding has its ups and downs too.

Bwahahahaha, brilliant

[idb]

Oh no, this thread's been taken over by blokes in thick glasses held together with sticking plasters with pocket protectors, bicycle clips and armless sweaters!!!!

[Lou Girardin]

was that the little Maori She Boy again Lou?..

I couldn't tell due to the speed I was going thanks to my radar detector warning me of the fuckin' cops.

[Sniper]

man: ooohhh, what is the malted liquor, what gets you drunker quicker,
what comes in bottles or in cans…
men: BEER!

man: cant get enough of it…
men: BEER!
man: how we really love it…
men: BEER!
man: makes me think i'm a man…
men: BEER!

man: i can kiss and hug it…
men: BEER!
man: but i'd rather chug it…
men: BEER!
man: got my belly up to here…
men: BEER!

man: i cannot refuse a…
men: BEER!
man: i could really use a…
men: BEER, BEER BEER!

men: BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER

drunk man: i cant remember how much I have had, i drank a twelve pack with my dad.
drunk father: (burp) thats my son the drunken manley stud, im proud to be his bud.
drunk man: here, have some pretzels
drunk father: no, i'll call it quits, those things give me the Schlitz
drunken man: ha ha ha.

men: drink with your family, drink it with your friends
man: drink till your fat , stomach distends,
beer, is liquid bread its good for you,
men: we like to drink till we spew, ew
men: who cares if we get fat
man: i'll drink to that
man: as we sing once more…

man: what is the malted liquor, what gets you drunker quicker,
what comes in bottles or in cans…
men: BEER!

man: cant get enough of it…
men: BEER!
man: how we really love it…
men: BEER!
man: makes me think i'm a man…
men: BEER!

man: i can kiss and hug it…
men: BEER!
man: but i'd rather chug it…
men: BEER!
man: fill my belly up to here…
men: BEER!

man: golly I adore it, come on damn it, pour it,
do it for me brew it for me, feed it to me speed it to me,
men: BEER!
man: the mist wonderful drink in the world, hooray!

(Burp)