Who's your daddy?

[Number One]

Monsters Incorporated Headquarters had a major meltdown about two weeks ago and we have been without our systems for that whole time. Just about killed Sully60 not being able to check out all the KB action - I on the other hand enjoyed not having to compete with the box for attention + We got the yard tidied up and even had some deep and meaningfuls...

Anyway - This morning my daddy (who is an absolute gem) 'returned our fixed PC'. Basically after working on it for over two weeks, finding the many and varied issues with it and then melting the motherboard - he accurately determined that it would be best to just take the thing outside and shoot it! Which he of course happily did ...especially after working on it for two weeks.

This was also a comfortable notion for him as it turns out that he has been building us a computer for a couple of months now (which he had planned on giving to us at Christmas). Very whiz bang and special it is too - need to get a license to drive it!

So knowing that the PC we had was uber crap and also that it was right at the bottom of our 'priorities list' (in terms of investing for upgrading or replacing) he has spent the last couple of months buying bits and recycling stuff building us a machine that happens to have features he is looking forward to putting into his own next upgrade. What a bloody neat man!

Anyway as I sit here overcome with love for my dad (not just because he has bought us a new computer) it made me think about how lucky I am to have a dad like mine, one who I can tell anything, one who is always supportive and ready to help + he is always so happy when he can help me.

He never judges but is always careful to make it clear when he thinks I might be out of line. regularly Sadly though the relationship I have with mum is not so 'easy and unconditional'. For some reason (well many actually) mum and I are just like dynamite and, again sadly, I don't consider her a 'friend' the same way dad is and I can't share things with her in the same way. With mum there is always baggage, dysfunction and guilt.

And all that got me thinking...You are clearly lucky to have one 'really special' parent but is it normal? AND is it just a sex thing, by that I mean. Is it that girls generally have better relationships with their dads? AND do fellas have generally better relationships with their mums? Can both parents be friends? OR is it just totally luck of the draw and down to personalities alone?

I wonder this for my own wee boy too....will I be a friend...I hope so - I do try hard to walk the line between friend and parent at different times...I do believe we should be able to have both relationships. Anyway - curious and bored so interested to hear others perspectives.

[MSTRS:Me]

My take on the parent/friend issue is...
If you are the parent, then that is what you are. Make sure that your kids know you are there for them, will go into bat if warranted and can be implicitly trusted to do the right thing for your kids. It is a mistake to be their 'friend' during their growing years.
But once they are adults and have left home to make their own way in the world, then sure, why not? You've done your job as a parent and perhaps the time is right to get to know your offspring from a different perspective.

[James Deuce]

Don't aim for friend. You are not a friend to your children and you cannot fulfill your parental obligation if you aim for friend. You are going to have to do things to and for your children that no self-respecting friend would ever undertake.

Now. Do as you are told and don't argue.

[Number One]

True dat! There are definately weeks where you feel that all you've done is 'Parent' and that being 'friend' would be counterproductive.

I think the tricky part is being enough of a parent when you need to but not so much that you leave no space, or you ruin the foundation in which to build the friendship on later (once it is appropriate).

[yungatart]

You have to be a parent to dependent children, if not, you are letting them down and failing in your duty (such an old fashiioned word - and concept!)
When they are adults in their own right and making their own way in the world, your relationship with them changes, but I dion't know if you become friends exactly.
I love my adult kids to bits! (and my teenager too!)
We have an easy going relationship that is based on mutual respect and love, but I don't know if I'd call them my friends, they are my grown up kids.

[scracha]

Would us kiddies from the one parent families be able to vote?

[Number One]

You have to be a parent to dependent children, if not, you are letting them down and failing in your duty (such an old fashiioned word - and concept!).

Of course Good soapbox moment, hopefully gets to those that need to hear it

When they are adults in their own right and making their own way in the world, your relationship with them changes, but I dion't know if you become friends exactly. .

Interesting...I know quite a few grown up kids who think of and talk about their parents as being among the select group of people they consider 'close personal friends' and I have always felt like a bit of an alien. They talk of totally open, adult, co-operative and supportive, 'non heirachical' parent/child relationships with either one or both parents (obviously this was a different set up when they were dependant and meeded to have decisions made for them).

I love my adult kids to bits! (and my teenager too!)
We have an easy going relationship that is based on mutual respect and love, but I don't know if I'd call them my friends, they are my grown up kids.

Bah humbug - I really want to hear that parents and kids can be friends down the line. Maybe it just goes the one way though? Works for the kids but not the crusty old jaded buggers who had to change their nappies and get up early to their screaming and plug them onto ther boob? You don't normally do that for your friends do you?!

I can't help but think that we need to remember that our day comes! Where we need someone to get up and change our nappies and get us a boob...I mean bottle. Maybe we need to make our children our close personal friends - keeping in mind they'll be picking our retirement homes, maybe we want them to be thinking about it more like our friends would...

[Number One]

Would us kiddies from the one parent families be able to vote?

Hee hee - too right. Just need to figure out the poll updateray thingggeeemeee. Actually just started this to see if I could do the pol thing.

[James Deuce]

Bah humbug - I really want to hear that parents and kids can be friends down the line. Maybe it just goes the one way though?

It isn't normal. Male to male relationships particularly. Men have to break the parent child bond before their relationship can change into anything else and that is often done via a screaming fight that ends with, "Get out and don't come back."

The Chimp troop leader doesn't like being challenged. A few male to male relationships avoid that but not many.

There are civilised alternatives, but the current bunch of hippies running the country don't like boarding schools or the idea of compulsory military training. Going away to University is another good way to bring a close to the parent/dependant child phase of parenting, but that doesn't work for everyone either.

Most opposite sex parent/child relationships run into trouble when the child picks a partner that the opposite sex parent doesn't regard as good enough. The Chimp troop genetic management Matriarch/Patriarch doesn't like to be challenged.

There's no rules here and no guaranteed outcomes. They have to grow up to be adults before you can begin to explore this issue and you have to be around. Things change.

[Number One]

crikey..nice reply! Fuck it - I'm off for a banana and the little bastard can just do as he's told from now on or he's outside with a sack and a carrot! He'll learn

[MSTRS:Me]

It isn't normal. Male to male relationships particularly. Men have to break the parent child bond before their relationship can change into anything else and that is often done via a screaming fight that ends with, "Get out and don't come back."

The Chimp troop leader doesn't like being challenged. A few male to male relationships avoid that but not many.

There are civilised alternatives, but the current bunch of hippies running the country don't like boarding schools or the idea of compulsory military training. Going away to University is another good way to bring a close to the parent/dependant child phase of parenting, but that doesn't work for everyone either.

Most opposite sex parent/child relationships run into trouble when the child picks a partner that the opposite sex parent doesn't regard as good enough. The Chimp troop genetic management Matriarch/Patriarch doesn't like to be challenged.

There's no rules here and no guaranteed outcomes. They have to grow up to be adults before you can begin to explore this issue and you have to be around. Things change.

You are quite right, in a lot of ways. For all our veneer of 'civilisation', we are still tribal. Some are lucky enough to foster the 'friend' scenario and have it work. Some 'never go back' after the big bust up. For most, an uneasy truce prevails where each tries not to be what the other projects upon them.

[oldrider]

Sheesh, my parents are long dead but in reverse roll I am quite close to all my kids! I think we are all good friends! John.

EDIT: Thought I would ask our lot:

Yes we are all good mates but at the end of the day, I am still, "Pappa"! We all seem to feel comfortable with that, especially me!

[Pumba]

My parents were good parents when I was younger, controling and not scared to let me know when I had over steped the mark, but also handing out praise and love when I achieved.

Probally from the time I was 18 our relationship has changed, I had to learn to treat my pearents as people, and they had to learn to treat me as some capable of making my own desicions (read "Mistakes").

Now I have a great relationship with my olds, they are my mates. Shit my old man and me even managed to spend two weeks togeather cruising round the south island on the bikes with a group of other guys, and we didnrt even once act like we wanted to kill each other (we may have thought it, but we didnt act on it)

[Grahameeboy]

What about 'neither' option??

[fireball]

i have neither as my option.....