Horse walks into a bar, the bartender says "why the long face?"
Eyes that shine burning red
Horse walks into a bar, the bartender says "why the long face?"
Rasta Ratskins
Stallone.."I'll be Mozart"
Swarzenegger...."I'll be Bach"
Only a Rat can win a Rat Race!
Rasta Ratskins
What did the giant monster say when it had finished eating Tonga?
I want Samoa!
How did the crash test dummies get their job?
By accident!
Only a Rat can win a Rat Race!
Psyclepath
Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick.
Q: What's brown and sounds like a bell?
A: Dung!
Originally Posted by Dave Lobster
Only a homo puts an engine back together WITHOUT making it go faster.
National Spelling Chimp 2007
Hillbilly farmer
A young journalism student at the University of Tennessee was assigned to write a human interest story, so he went up into the mountains were he found an old farmer sitting on his porch. He introduced himself, explained his mission, and asked, "Has anything ever happened here that made you really happy?"
The farmer thought for a moment, then said, "Yeah, one time my neighbor's daughter, a fine looking gal, got lost. We formed a posse and went to look for her, and when we found her, we all took turns to screw her."
"I can't print that!" the young man exclaimed. "Can't you think of anything else that happened, which made you happy?"
The farmer thought for a while longer, then smiled. "Yep! One time a neighbor's sheep got lost. We formed a posse to look for it, and when we found it, we all took turns to screw it."
Again, the young man said "I can't print that, either! Let's try another approach. Has anything ever happened around here that made you really sad?"
The old farmer dropped his head in shame. After a couple of seconds he looked up timidly at the young man and said, "This one time, I got lost..."
Illuc ivi, illud feci.
Buggrim, Buggrit.
sdkfz
What's white and smells like blue paint?
White paint.
Measure once, cut twice. Practice makes perfect.
Rest In Peace
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.
Hello officer put it on my tab
Don't steal the government hates competition.
Forum whore
Mary had a little lamb.......................................and all the doctors fainted!
"Statistics are used as a drunk uses lampposts - for support, not illumination."
The original Disco
What do you call two robbers?
...a pair of knickers!!
"Speed has never killed anyone. Suddenly becoming stationary - that's what gets you."
Jeremy Clarkson.
Kawasaki 200mph Club
National Spelling Chimp 2007
Why did Snoop Dogg need an umbrella? Fo Drizzle
What did the mother buffalo say to her child as he left for school?...Bison!
What do you call onions and beans? Tear gas.
Why did the turtle cross the street? To get to the Shell station!!
Illuc ivi, illud feci.
Buggrim, Buggrit.
Potty Mouth
What's black and loud?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
Have you seen Ray Charles' new Piano?
Neither has he.
What's brown, sticky, and looks through your window?
A poo on stilts.
"It would be spiteful, to put jellyfish in a trifle."\m/ o.o \m/
Special Project
Is it wrong when one ball is just a little bigger than the other two?
You only need two tools in life:
Duct tape if it moves and it shouldn't.
WD-40 if it doesn't move and it should.
Brute force and ignorance always prevails.
Failure comes from too little brute force, or
too little ignorance.
bouncy
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea...
."No Matter what you do there will be critics."
Apathy - I could take it or leave it...
bouncy
What do you call a man with a shovel in his head?
Doug
What do you call a man without a shovel in his head?
Douglas
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff
What do you call a man with 50 rabbits up his bum?
Warren
What do you call a man with no limbs in the water?
Bob
."No Matter what you do there will be critics."
Apathy - I could take it or leave it...
Born to be mild
What's got 4 legs and will kill you if it fell out of a tree on to you?
A billiard table.
What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants running over the hill towards him?
Here come the elephants.
What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants running over the hill towards him wearing sunglasses?
Nothing. He didn't recognise them.
Grow older but never grow up
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