Dear [Santa/Jesus],
I have been a very good [boy/girl/religious fanatic] this year. I [did my chores/felt guilty about doing something pleasurable] every day. I also remembered to [brush my teeth/pass judgment on a homosexual] every night. And I did really good in [school/church] too. My [teacher/priest] said that I [was a very good student/did a good job of keeping my mouth shut].
Since I have been so good, I would like [a new bike/something to hit Jews with]. But I don't just want something for myself. [My mom/The lady who says it's blasphemy when I smile] is very sick with [cancer/the blessing of faulty cells that you gave her]. Please help her [get well/realize that treatment may be more effective than prayer].
[My friends/Science] said you aren't real, but I don't believe it because [I saw you at the mall/the lie keeps me happy]. Thanks for reading this. I'll remember to leave out [some cookies and milk/a dead virgin and the head of a heretic] for you.
[Gullibly/Just as gullibly] yours,
Naive [Child/Adult]
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Originally Posted by Gubb
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