Oldie, but still not bad.

[White trash]

A crusty old man walks into a bank and shouts to the Woman at the teller window "I want to open a f*cking Cheque account". The astonished woman replies "I beg your pardon sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?" "Listen up, you f*ck. I said I want to open a f*cking cheque account now!!". "I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank". The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to that foul language. They both return to the window and the manager asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"
"There is no f*cking problem" the man says. "I just won 50 million bucks in the f*cking lottery and I just want to open a f*cking cheque account in this f*cking bank, okay?"
"I see," says the manager, "and is this fat bitch giving you a hard time?".

[SPORK]

Ahhh, great. Really shows how much companies in general change when they know you want to spend

[riffer]

This teacher is teaching her grade four class, and she's telling them that the word of the day is 'contagious.' She asks if anyone can use this word in a sentence, and several people stick up their hands. "Carl," she says.

Carl says, "My dad told me to stay away from kids with mumps, 'cause they're contagious."

"Very good," says the teacher.

Then she picks Suzie, who says, "The atmosphere was contagious," and the teacher says, "Excellent, Suzie!"

Then she notices that little Johnny has his hand up, at the back of the class.

"Yes, Johnny?" she says. Johnny says, "The other day, me and my dad's a-sittin around, and we saw our blonde neighbor painting her fence. She had a tiny little model car paintbrush, and she was going in tiny little strokes up and down the fence, and my dad says to me, "Jesus, it's gonna take that cunt ages to finish that fence."

[soundbeltfarm]

this guy is walking down the street and walks past a dairy and in the window a sign reads pussy flavoured ice-cream $2 a scoop.

this sounds good he thinks , so he goes inside and says to the shopkeeper i'll take a scoop of that pussy flavoured ice-cream thanks.

he goes outside and starts walking down the street again licking his pussy flavoured ice-cream.

he screws up his face and thinks this tastes bad,
he decides to take it back and get his money back,

walks inside and up to the shop keeper and says to him,

mate this ice--creams bad it tastes like shit,
the shopkeeper lokks at him and laughs and says to him,
Take shorter licks......

[White trash]

What's green and brown, and if it falls on ya outta a tree, it'll kill ya?





















A pool table.

[Hooks]

On the subject of little Johnny .....

Johnnies class are doing human anatomy ... the teacher is showing slides of various body parts and asking what they are and what they are used for ... After avoiding Johnny for the most of the session she finally gives in and asks him to answer the last one .... it is of a male penis ......
"Well" ... says Johnny .... " My Dad has 2 of these " .... intrigued the teacher asks for more information ..... " the first one is soft and floppy and he uses it to pee through" he says ..."yes" says the teacher ...."Go on " ... "and the second" says Johnny " is long and hard and he uses it to brush mums teeth "

[SPORK]

*Groans*

Argh, to many bad-joke makers out there! It's funny, you never hear about who ACTUALLY starts the jokes....

[White trash]

What's blue and white and stands in the middle of a field?




























A cow....with its tracksuit on!

[Slipstream]

...Here's the Trashmans
(and please don't be too offended....)


How do you sell a deaf man a chicken?

DO YOU WANNA BUY A FUCKING CHICKEN!!

(yay...200 posts )

[riffer]

Scroll down for the answers.

1. What is a four-letter word that ends in "K" and means the same as intercourse?
2. What is it that a cow has four of and a woman has only two of?
3. What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long, has a head on it, and that women love so much that they often blow it?
4. What word starts with "f" and ends with "u-c-k"?
5. Name five words that are each four letters long, end in "u-n-t", and one of which is a word for a woman?
6. What does a dog do that you can step in?
7. What four-letter word begins with "f", and ends in "k", and if you can't get one you can use your hands?
8. What is hard, six inches long, has nuts, and can make a girl fat?
9. What four-letter word ends in "i-t" and is found on the bottom of birdcages?
10. What is it that all men have one of; it's longer on some men than on others; the Pope doesn't use his; and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?







































answers:
1. talk
2. legs
3. a $20 bill
4. firetruck
5. bunt, hunt, runt, punt, aunt
6. pants
7. fork
8. Picnic bar
9. grit
10. surname

[White trash]

I'll burn for this one but Zed's dead baby, Zed's dead.....


God and St Peter are having a meeting when God says to St peter, "It's getting a little crowded up here, from now on we'll only admit those having a really bad day when they die."
"Chur," says St Pete, "your'e the boss"

So he sitting at the Pearly Gates when a bloke approaches.
"Greetings, tell me about the day you died." says St Peter.
"Well, I was having a really bad day" says the dead dude. "I was absolutlely positive my wife had been having an afair for quite some time, so I decided to catch her at it."
We live on the 23rd floor of an appartment building, so I snuck in one morning when she thought I'd gone to work. I searched every where but could not find the prick I know's been rooting her. Finally, I go out on the balcony and here the scumbag, naked, hanging from his finger tips off the railing."
"What did you do?" enquires St Peter.
"Well, I grabbed my shoe and smashed his fingers 'till he fell." explained the man. "But the lucky bastard landed in a huge bush and appeared to have survived!"
"So, i raced inside, manhandled the fridge out onto the balcony, then toppled it over the edge, flattening the prick. But I must've over excerted myself because I had a heart attack and died there and then."
"A bad day indeed," said St Peter "in you go"

A short while later, a second man approached the gates.
"Tell me about the day you died" said St peter.
"You wont believe this shit" states the second gent, "I was excercising naked on the 24th floor of my appartment building when I tripped and fell from the edge. By the grace of God, I managed to grab a hold of the lower level railing. Just as I'm about to clamber over the edge, this screaming madan comes out and smashes my fingers witha bloody shoe, untill I loose my grip and fall to the park below. Somehow, I landed in a huge patch of shrubbery and other than being a little winded, I was fine.
Then this NUTTER pushes a fridge off the balcony and flatterns me"
"There's somone inside you need to talk to" says St Peter.

Then up comes a third guy.
"Tell me about your departure from the mortal world" asks St Peter.

"OK says the man, "Picture this. I'm naked, hiding in a fridge....."

[jrandom]

I'll burn for this one but Zed's dead baby, Zed's dead.....

The Fridge Joke! The only one I can ever reliably remember in company.

Do you perchance remember where you heard it first?

[F5 Dave]

The Fridge Joke! The only one I can ever reliably remember in company.

Do you perchance remember where you heard it first?

A full 20 yrs ago, no idea where, . . . well maybe Ronnie Corbett or something like that.

[What?]

. . . well maybe Ronnie Corbett ...

Yep - it was authored by Ronnie C.

[Hooks]

Yep - it was authored by Ronnie C.

Nope ... as a I recall most of Ronnies jokes were written by Ben Elton .... this one is one of his and I think is featured in his book Ronnie in the chair ... Here is the best one from that book .....

3 universities were entered in comp to see who could come up with best explanation of why there is a knob in the end of a human males penis ....
The first one to report back was the University of California ... after spending nearly $5m in research they came back with a result that was written on 3 reams of paper and really had no conclusive answer ....
A couple of weeks later Oxford University came in with their weighty tome that had cost nearly $2m and proposed that a more exhaustive study be undertaken over a wider target audience ....
Two days later the University of Ulster having realised that they had done nothing banged out an answer on a half A4 page that cost 5c and pointed out that reason there was a knob on the end of your penis was .......

To stop your hand from shooting off the end !!!