Funniest work story

[Sniper]

I had to crack up when I got to work today because of what I have heard of what I branch in greymouth did. Bit of history before I start though.

We set up a branch in greymouth at the start of last year. The initial manager cause more problems than any person I have ever met and I lost count of the times I went over there to fix something or another. (And I have still not been on the Tranz Alpine). Anyway, on her terms, she left us and we were manageless and used to send people over if anyone was due off the train for a car.
Then we got D (Not dangerous). Now if you can imagine a walking, talking, smelly panda, you have D. Harmeless as a mouse,he was appinted manager. He fitted in perfectly on the West Coast and Im sure if you dropped him in Stalingrad he wouldnt be out of place at all. Apart from the inital hiccups, he managed to take over the place quickly and surprised all of us with his tact and initiative.

We had a space in the GM railway station and because we did not "buy" the space, a month ago we were given 2 weeks to move to the otherside of the station. Not a big deal, D said he could handel it.......

Now before I go on, when setting up in GM, it wasnt cheap. Desk was about $6700, cabelling was $1200, Posters displaying the company ect cost over $200 each (5 of them) and there were other costs totalling roughly $10000

R just got back today after spending the day there yesterday and has made me piss myself with what he saw. The desk unit (L shape) was just a wee bit too big for the space that we moved into. Looking at the photos, I could see the logical thing to do would be to turn it around and have it on an angle and it would be perfect. Nope, not good enough for D. He got the chainsaw out, at 1300, when people are getting off the train......Now you imagine you have travelled across the picturest South Island and are dying to get out there and see more of it then all of a sudden, 3 feet away from your bags there is this crazed looney waving a chainsaw around..... What would you do?

So now we are down a $6700 desk, but wait theres more....

After finding that he wasnt the greatest at chainsaws, D realised that its not really in the right L shape... So he grabs 5 posters and hacks (I mean hack, he used a hacksaw and not scissors) the top and bottom off them and Uses bright yellow duct tape to make a rough L (Looks more like a C) for the desk. That cracked me up...

But if you call in the next 10 mins....

So now he needs to move the PC, IP phone, printer and eftpos things to the new "Set-up" Easy right? Nope... He managed to get electrical burns on himself from plugging in the PC and removing the outer case (No idea why or how), blew up the eftpos machine because apparently the earthing pin on the plug is optional and manged to drop a hammer on a rather hard to find and set up Dot Matrix.

Total cost of damages come close to $7500, but it was too funny to do anything about (to me anyway). So now we have trigger phrases set up to sound the alarm bells. If any words such as ,"Chainsaw, modifying, I can fix it or hammer" come from greymouth, we ring the police. (Im joking, but it was a suggestion)

I suppose you had to be here to see photos and laugh, but maybe you can picture all this. Anyway, lets hear your funniest work story.....

[crashe]

awww come on post up the before and after shots.......

[Sniper]

I cant, they are normal photos and I dont have a scanner

[Smokin]

LOL, I must pop down to av a look.

[Dooly]

Kinda funny, well for us it was.
A few years back an apprentice here spent 10 mins getting a ring gear heated up to glowing red, so that it would slip over the flywheel.
Once it was red he turned the gas torch off, put it down and picked the ring gear up.
With his bare hands, right where he had been heating it.
After he stopped screaming etc etc, he said...'fuck that was hot'

[James Deuce]

Auckland Senior Management type user: I can't get my PC to go and I have an urgent proposal to finish.

Me: This is a long shot, but did you know there is a power cut in Auckland at the moment?

SMTU: Yes, but what's that got to do with me...... O, I see what you mean. (click)

ME: Bye.

[Flyingpony]

Drove past your Greymouth office a couple weeks ago on a Saturday just as the train was unloading at about 1300hrs - could this have been the same fateful day me wonders ... should've told me that was your branch and I'd have covertly checked it out ... mystery shopper ...

[digsaw]

That sounded like great fun, well try this for size. Small country motorcycle shop with small workshop and spare parts place out back, farm bike in workshop with twisted up rear brake pedal so mechanic lays bike on its side,removes brake pedal and then heats in vise to red hot and changes its shape, walks over to said bike to see if it will fit with said item held in pliers, he reaches down to put it on the spline and guess waat.....yep he dropped it, bang in to a large pool of petrol that leaked out of bike, meenwhile i in office on phone hear a woosh sound and a small voice calling me but see i am busy tryin to sell a bike so shout back saying i will be with you in a minute, in seconds i feel the heat and the whole shop turns in to the black hole of calcutta, this flash fire was all over in about 20 seconds and i will never forget the look or the sound of his voice as i raced out to the workshop where every bit of paper or label on all the spare parts was on fire.
The aftermath took days to clean up an hell i was sure glad the firemen didn't get to ply their trade.

[onearmedbandit]

I could full an entire server with what the owner of our business gets up to, honestly I could. His efforts have us in hysterics everyday. But I can't post them up because OSH, or any other similar organisation would be on top of us like a tonne of bricks. But if I could you'd be pissing yourselves.

[T.W.R]

That's west coast initiative at it's finest lols sniper

Back in the late 90s I was a supervisor at a fairly well known Furniture factory in Ashvagas and at the time we had a fairly substantial staff number that included a nightshift crew, now these nightshift staff were almost a law unto themselves & pretty colourful bunch.

When we'd come in in the mornings there would be a slight cross-over between the shifts and the day crew would mainly have 30mins entertainment watching the nightshift clear up their work before we started our shift, we'd be having coffees in the smoko rooms which looked out over the main factory.

One guy (everyone called him Bob) from nightshift was a real crackup & always the focus of pranks and jokes (he was a heavier built version of Neil off the young ones ) and 9/10 times was always half munted, you always knew when it was pay day as he'd arrive at work in a taxi carrying bags of junk food for his nights meal lols.

One particular morning we arrived at work to watch the usual show , only to see Bob had been stuck with filling cracks & shake holes in Rimu panels, now the filler we used was an industrial 2pak filler that we added black printers ink to for colouring. Bob had managed to get this shit on his face seeing his hands were covered in it

We were all laughing at this & his attempts to clean it off had smeared it all over, the dumb shit asked another bloke what to do & was duely told to use sandpaper (this being 100grit) the twit tried this then had the bright idea to try using the gun cleaning solution from the spray booth fark we heard the scream from the smoko room he came into view, hands covering his face & walked straight into & bowled over 2 Hutch dressers, grabbed a 1lb mallet & started chasing the bloke who'd told him to use sandpaper launched the mallet as he was running, it smashed the observation window to the office & reception area

fark it was funny to watch unfold & the silly prick sported a face like a strawberry for a few days, basically wrecked 2 dressers & smashed a double glazed 3m x 1m window

[Colapop]

I used to work for Tui Foods (that became Mainland Foods - milk, cheese & yoghurt etc). All the milk vendors would come up to the chiller warehouse to get their milk for deliveries. We had a raised concrete platform that the milk crstes would be lifted onto (using a clamp forklift). Of course there were the usual spills of milk products and gradually the platfoem would get real greasy - all that didn't get evaporated was milkfat. So the platform would have to be cleaned - a scrubbing brush and bucket job. Until George. George was a great guy. He was bright and got on well with everyone. He always had good ideas. Like when he turned off the fans in the butter room so it would be a quieter place to work. Pity about the compressor that he deadheaded!! (overheated blew up - ya gotta turn off the whole unit) Anyway back to the platform. Ol' George thought it a good idea, to speed the process up no doubt, to use the floor scrubbing machine. A self drive, circulating brush and squeegy thing. So he lifts this machine onto the platform using a pallet and the clamp forklift. I dunno how he got it on the pallet but he gets the clamps on the edge of the pallet and proceeds to put "Plan A" into practice. Everything is going well until the boss walks round the corner. "What the F*ck are you doing!!" Poor George panicks (there's a fairly good crowd by now) and pushes the open clamp lever...! Needless to say $12k damage later Geogres stay with us came to an abrupt end... F*cken laugh though... Apparently he's still a legend there...

[marty]

3 police officers in a xr6 mufti car pull up a drunk driver outside a well known bar in hamvegas. drunk driver king hits cop, runs off. 2 cops in car give chas eon foot until catching bad guy up the street.

CRASH tinkle tinkle.

FUCK someone's crashed behind us (fucking boy racers).

Cops run back to main street to find their shiny xr6 parked inside a menswear shop - some loser from the pub had reached in and dropped it into reverse - it backed up a slight hill, across 4 1/2 lanes of victoria st, up the kerb, across the footpath, into john starnes menswear.

imagine how worried the cops were when they saw what looked like a dead body under the rear wheel :gulp: turned out to be a mannekin!

one huge shard of glass had dropped onto the boot lid, puncturing it and sticking in it like an icicle! ouch

[zooter]

Farrk, why did this thread die?

Boom boom

bump no funny work stories here, how about a cab driver tragedy?

Around 3am I pick up this distraught pommie girl tourist and her itinerant local Dutch companion, both drunk as skunks. A 1.5 minute drive around the block to the backpacker. It turns out she is coming to terms with the futility of flying to NZ in the hope of hooking up (for life) with Ritchie McCaw, AB's captain, since he now has an ex stripper girlfriend who's better looking.

[Trouser]

Farrk, why did this thread die?

Boom boom

bump no funny work stories here, how about a cab driver tragedy?

Around 3am I pick up this distraught pommie girl tourist and her itinerant local Dutch companion, both drunk as skunks. A 1.5 minute drive around the block to the backpacker. It turns out she is coming to terms with the futility of flying to NZ in the hope of hooking up (for life) with Ritchie McCaw, AB's captain, since he now has an ex stripper girlfriend who's better looking.

and knows Brendan Pongia quite well.

[Number One]

Used to sit next to the most fabulous gay drag queen when I worked in a large bank call centre.

He was such a biarch - riiiooowwww

If customers were rude to him, he would abuse them straight back and if they dared hang up on him either before, during or after his telling off - he'd ring them back and give them the learn

AND EVEN better (and for which I think got him fired)..he would even go to the lengths of calling Telecom directory to trace their numbers if they hadn't come through identified but had given him their names.

He was such a dag and people really are arseholes on the phone...especially when calling the bank so it was nice to know that one of us was having a go back at the callers!