Out of the dark and into the world...

[scracha]

Good luck to your brother...you could always just intro him to me,seems to work

But Chris I've met you and am terribly shy and always run out of things to say

[DMNTD:Me]

But Chris I've met you and am terribly shy and always run out of things to say

Must be because I'm such an introvert huh?
Oh or maybe it's because no one can understand a word you're saying ya mad bastard!

[howdamnhard]

It may also pay to have him have a CAT scan in case he has some hidden underlying brain damage.Sorry not trying to be insulting but just look at all possibilities i.e may not be a psychological problem but physical.


[QUOTE=Kittyhawk;1364838]Yes you are correct he should have learnt it at school, he went to a psychiatriast once a couple of years ago and they did not give my parents the diagnosis. There's alot more behind the scenes too, I was told hes on an invalids benifit but no one seems to know what the problem is with him. Im going to get to the bottom of it, maybe hes dislexic, or ADH, I dont know. However I will be seeking professional help while he is living with me because he can not think for himself, make decisions or hold a flowing conversation.

[The Lone Rider]

I was very introverted until I started working in the sound industry as an engineer and technician when I was 17. The drive to do my job well was stronger then my embarrassment of being on stage in front of thousands and having to deal with different crews all the time.

Probably also ended up with me being socially lazy :P

[Kittyhawk]

Outward bound, might be worth a closer look....
Does wonders for self confidence I've been told...

I never thought of that...

[quote=howdamnhard;1365951]It may also pay to have him have a CAT scan in case he has some hidden underlying brain damage.Sorry not trying to be insulting but just look at all possibilities i.e may not be a psychological problem but physical.

Going to go to my GP next week I'll bring that up thanks!!

[thehovel]

Kittyhawk,sounds like your brother has some learning difficulties,has he been checked out for dyslexia,ADH etc.Teaching him to read and write is a good start but shouldn'nt he have learnt this at school already?Once he has got that getting a job would be a big bonus as it would improve his self esteem and independence.Good luck with your project ,just tread very carefully.

As he said also schools have night classes for adult reading. Watching the news on TV will keep him up with current affairs this gives him confidence. Regards Richard

[Badger8]

As he said also schools have night classes for adult reading. Watching the news on TV will keep him up with current affairs this gives him confidence. Regards Richard

Indeed, plus helps give him stuff to talk about too
Found that once i got a real job, you need things outside of work to talk about. I used to keep up with the play on the sports news, found that was a good one. Even though i didn't necessarily watch or follow the sport in question, it gave me a few points of conversation the next day

[Chickadee]

Goodluck Kitty, nice to see a family member making the time to try and help.

Hope good comes out of your efforts for both yourself and your brother, he obviously needs some assistance to make the step into adult life away from home.

Parents are great, but they can create a lot of problems if you molly coddle your little ones too much.

I still am quite a shy person, I've become more extravert in exterior behaviour in my journey to adulthood - but I'm still the shy person underneath. I think everyone is a work in progress.

[Kittyhawk]

Got a ph call last night from our parents about 2330

Mum was all up and arms about not hearing from either of us, she wanted to know if he made it safely, of course he did, its only Tauranga to Auckland!! and he knows the roads inside out. And I said if there was a problem they'd be informed.

I gave my bro a simple decision, which was what were we going to do about the groceries. Did he want to buy food himself and do all his own cooking or split the food bill and share the cooking. He took his time in thinking about the answer and said he'd split the bill.

When I explained to my parents that I gave him the choice mum was yelling at me saying " share the bill blah blah blah" I said Im not going to tell my bro what's right and what's wrong, its about HIM making decisions for himself.

The conversation steered towards me explaining what next week will be consisting of, that my little bro will be coming out with me to the pub to meet other bikers help out on the learning nights and be around younger people. Dad went nuts at this!! Said "there's more places to hang out apart from pubs and that I should take him to an engleside (not sure of spelling here" I asked him why hadn't he put the time into this and take my bro places "other than pubs" he coudlnt answer because he never does sociable things with him.

I explained to dad that you can go to a pub and not drink and infact when ATNR starts up we'll go to the pub for dinner at some stage (they are VERY against alcohol and pubs etc) I said its my bros choice if he wants to drink or not. His choice if he wants to come along or not, but for the first week I will expose him to my lifestyle and being with bikers.

It's funny because mum and dad were praising a family member about how supportive he was while dad was dying with cancer, and now that dad has recovered he is running him down saying he's an alcoholic has nothing etc.
That hurt me and I felt so angry, they judge people on what they have as assets. Some people are happy just owning a house, family and have a secure job. But no dad sees everyone should be like him, wealthy, lots of properties, and never drink!!

MY parents dont trust me on this at all... in fact they have never trusted me because I do things my way not their way. They dont like me giving my bro freedom, the opportunity to make his own decisions, the fact there is no right or wrong while he is living with me. Sure I'll guide him, but not mother him.

Im going to do my best, to help him, find him a job, and keep him away from my parents. I said to my best mate today "now that my bro is not living there who are they going to try to dominate and control?" Mum hated the fact I said I'll find him a job, her reply was "dont let him out in the city he dosen't know his way around" well he can learn Im here to help him. I think she may be jealous at the fact Im wanting to help him, and if I get him a job, get him back to his old self have friends etc and live a normal life, it will annoy her.

Mum said my bro has to go to the dentist on the 11th back in Tauranga...they are expecting him to drive down visit the dentist for a checkup and come back up to Akl the next day!!!

They are trying to do anything to hold that controlling power over him but Im going to break it.

He even said today "I like it up here Sheryl, I have to think about things alot more and there is no arguing."

ME personally I dont want him returning back to the lifestyle he had. But small steps first.

[Badger8]

Got a ph call last night from our parents
...Im not going to tell my bro what's right and what's wrong, its about HIM making decisions for himself...
...I said its my bros choice if he wants to drink or not. His choice if he wants to come along or not, but for the first week I will expose him to my lifestyle and being with bikers...

MY parents dont trust me on this at all... in fact they have never trusted me because I do things my way not their way. They dont like me giving my bro freedom, the opportunity to make his own decisions, the fact there is no right or wrong while he is living with me. Sure I'll guide him, but not mother him.

Im going to do my best, to help him, find him a job, and keep him away from my parents...

Mum said my bro has to go to the dentist on the 11th back in Tauranga...they are expecting him to drive down visit the dentist for a checkup and come back up to Akl the next day!!!

They are trying to do anything to hold that controlling power over him but Im going to break it.

He even said today "I like it up here Sheryl, I have to think about things alot more and there is no arguing."

ME personally I dont want him returning back to the lifestyle he had. But small steps first.

Good on ya Kitty, sounds like you're making some good progress already. Those are little things, but i'm sure for him they are big victories.
And that's exactly the key to breaking his old habits and old ways, get him out of the old surroundings and the old ways of doing things. Getting him to think and make decisions for himself will definitely have him going in the right direction in no time

And darn right about the pub, it's just a good place to hang out with a cold brew if that tickles your fancy. Nothing says if you meet your mates at the pub you gotta drink.

My mum was much the same when i first moved out of home, trying to control me from 3 hours away. It took time (and i think when she phoned at 3pm on a wednesday to find me fall-down drunk might have finally severed that cord), but she learnt over time that i was big enough and ugly enough to look after myself (as she had been telling me since i was 10, but never realised it herself).

And it's good to see that he is realising already how much better life can be, and the potential that lays before him!