Out of the dark and into the world...

[Kittyhawk]

Just been thinking, there is alot of people in the world who are shy, and hide themselfs from the world...I know these people shine from a distance.

Im starting a project with my brother...and he is the subject. He lacks social skills, dosent have many friends and struggles with the basics like reading and writing. He's 22.

In a group situation he is very quiet and only talks when asked a question. I plan to make him sociable and develop these skills. Bring him out of his dark corner of the world, and watch his confidence grow.

Do you find yourself running out of things to say when you meet someone for the first time? feel like your'e being judged on what you look like or how you say things?

If anyone else wants to learn how to develop their people skills further, and be more confident flick me a pm...I'll see if I can help.

[merv]

Are you sure he's not just happy the way he is?

[Kittyhawk]

Are you sure he's not just happy the way he is?

He has asked me to help him.

[Subike]

I wish I had access to that sort of help as a younger person, would have made a huge difference in my life.
50 years on and I still have the same thngs you discribe in your blog.
Merve, you are right, he may be happy where he is at the moment, like I use to be, but to be encouraged out, apreciated not critiszed, accepted not rejected, to be able to in public, have inner confidence, good vibes and self love, these thing need to be taught to some of us who for reasons unknown dont have the natural talent of comfortable conversation .
Its hard to believe you are a good person when you have been trod on rejected or critiszed by your peers, family or work mates.
And its very easy to put these things up in a forum, its safe!

[0arbreaka]

Get him a job in retail or something similar. The people skills will come very quickly as he will have to deal with the general public as part of his job. Worked with me.

[merv]

OK thanks for your comments, me being an extrovert that has no problem with this I do know a few like this who express the view that they don't want to be more out there and think the world should appreciate their listening skills more. If your Bro' has asked for help then great and I hope you get the result for him he wants.

[DMNTD:Me]

Get him a job in retail or something similar. The people skills will come very quickly as he will have to deal with the general public as part of his job. Worked with me.

Get him to get himself to get a job would be far more beneficial not only in the short term but longer term too.
Good luck to your brother...you could always just intro him to me,seems to work

[Steam]

Kitty, your brother's situation sounds perfect for a psychologist to help out with. (not a counsellor, a proper psychologist.)
They have good strategies for exactly this thing, and they present it step-by-step, at whatever speed your brother is happy with.
It'll cost money, maybe around $120 per session, but if you want to do it right, in a proven and tested way, and set your brother up for a lifetime of good strategies and people-skills, that's the way to go.
See it as an investment.

In something so important to his future I wouldn't rely on a bunch of motorcyclists to suggest helpful things. Rely on someone who does it for a job.

Would you give your most precious and shiniest new Hayabusa '08 to get a complete overhaul to a bloke from down the road who owned a scooter a couple of years ago and reckons he'll give it a go?
Nope, you take it to the professionals. They'll do a good job.
And ignore those people who say psychologists are useless, they don't know anything.


Later Edit: But saying all that, it can't hurt for KBers to suggest things. Just take it with a grain of salt. Heck, some of the people on here reckon Compulsory Military Service is a good cure for mental illness!

[Kittyhawk]

I myself am getting professional help for a few things, and maybe the psycologist is the way to go, for a start he needs to change the living environment he is in.

Living with parents, who do everything for him, teaches him no self worth, he is a product of what he is living in. Im getting him to move in with me, and teach him a different way of life. Nothing extreme like us bikers, but the basics, how to cook, clean, and communicate.

We are close, always have been. May even take him to hypnosis and see how that goes.

The lack of communication comes down to his reading. His conversations are very limited, its almost like he's a cave man in a modern world. He never used to be like this. His reading ability is that of a 10-12 year old.

There is a technique Im working on to get his reading levels up and to read properly, Bigdog suggested working with the limited reading abilites and relating this to music, I am doing just that but slightly different to how he teaches.

Dmntd, I will introduce him to you...could be interesting hehe

[Kittyhawk]

Get him a job in retail or something similar. The people skills will come very quickly as he will have to deal with the general public as part of his job. Worked with me.

He needs to develop more basic elements to be able to work successfully in the working environment, but yes a customer service based role is what I will be helping him look for in the future.

[fireliv]

Good luck with that! I hope that you are able to help him.

When I met phoenix he was a pretty shy quiet guy (and yes he still is a bit) but I'm a bit of the opposite. I talk to anyone, and basicly just kept talking at him until he talked back. So his social skills have developed so much since his confidence in himself developed further.

I really hope you can make a difference for your bro.

[Steam]

But saying all that, it can't hurt for KBers to suggest things. Just take it with a grain of salt. Heck, some of the people on here reckon Compulsory Military Service is a good cure for mental illness!

[Kittyhawk]

But saying all that, it can't hurt for KBers to suggest things. Just take it with a grain of salt. Heck, some of the people on here reckon Compulsory Military Service is a good cure for mental illness!

It's interesting to see the feedback.

[98tls]

But saying all that, it can't hurt for KBers to suggest things. Just take it with a grain of salt. Heck, some of the people on here reckon Compulsory Military Service is a good cure for mental illness!

well i reckon glue sniffers suffer from mental illness, a bit of compulsary service would sort that shit out.I dont know your brother Kitty but being shy and having reading/writing problems doesnt justify a shrink in my eyes.

[Morcs]

Best way IMHO is to get a job, be it part time or whatever in retail.

You soon find yourself rabbiting on at people, hell I even found myself holding conversations in german...

Confidence is the key. There are no other skills as such - or if there are, they are nothing without confidence.

Telling yourself constantly how mega you are does wonders. And learn not to falter when throw flat on your face.