Suicide stories

[Hitcher]

Suicide, or rather the open discussion of it, is one of the few sacred cows left in our society, probably because it is hard for most to understand and also because it is not a "victimless" act, as some try to paint it.

Hard to understand? Yes, given that the survival instinct is one of any animal's strongest drivers, with humans being no exception. "Free will" and freedom of choice (forgetting about the Labour Government's desires for one moment) also (unfortunately?) includes an ability to decide whether one oneself lives or not. What goes on inside the head of another person is ultimately not known by anybody other than that person, which is the thing that makes suicide so hard for its observers to rationalise or understand.

There is a big difference here between people with a terminal disease or some chronic ailment for which there is no relief from pain who choose to end it all, versus some morose/self-absorbed teenager with their whole life in front of them who is just going through a "phase". Unsuccessfully. One act is understandable to most people, the other not.

I suspect that there are very few families or individuals that have not been touched in some way by the pain/trauma/stigma of suicide. This is why I say it is not a "victimless" act.

Our media still operates under a voluntary code relating to coverage of suicide. For example the cause/means of death is almost never reported for crimes that are known to be suicide. There is also a lot of nonsense talked about coverage leading to "copy-catting". I suspect that this is a perception rather than a reality.

The sooner we as a society grow up and come to terms with suicide, its causes and consequences, the better. Only then will we be better placed - as individuals and as a community - to deal with it and the consequences faced by its victims.

[imdying]

Kiwi expectation that people should just "handle it" - whatever comes their way, was a big contributant I think. Plus just general inconsideration.

You'd think, given this countries attitude, it's just natures way of weeding out the non copers. Go Kiwi

never be afraid to confront (gently)someone who you think is in danger

Word up nigga

[SPman]

yes i know a few people who have taken the selfish route out of this world ....

I wouldn't call it selfish, because, to the majority of cases, if you are in a state where you are seriously, even contemplating suicide, words like "selfish", "easy way out", "coward", etc, are so far removed from the equation, they are meaningless. You are in a little box in your mind, where it seems the only logical way out is death, and, unless you've been there, or very, very close, to a normal sane rational person, it is a totally alien concept and rather difficult to comprehend.
I've knocked on the door, but, for whatever reason, managed not to go through it.
Sometimes, it may look like spur of the moment, but closer inspection, usually shows that it really wasn't.

17 relatives and friends have gone through it (that I'm aware off) and 16 didn't come out - the 17th cocked it up and lived the rest of his short life with terrible disfigurements!
Like any death, it is those left behind who have to come to terms with what has happened and a suicide, generally, just seems such a bloody waste!

[Kittyhawk]

13 months ago I lost the plot to the point I didnt know what I was doing. I snapped and had a break down. The cops turned up broke into my place to find me sitting there with a pool of blood on the desk, and down my right arm where I had cut myself. By the time they saw me I was holding a knife to my neck, and I was close to ending it. I felt so low, alone, didnt see the point in living or going on in life no one understands me, and had alot of pain from the past.

All I remember is sitting in a room moments later with no windows, being assessed and wondering what was going on. I was throwing myself against the wall to induce physicial pain and get rid of the mental emotional unstability which was playing havoc with me. I ended up having therapy 5 days a week. There were times where I overdosed, over drank, self harmed, and still really couldnt cope with life.

0800 800 717 is the crisis line, they are 24 hours, if you know you are in danger yourself ring them, if you know of someone who is going to do it, call them.

[candor]

Good posts - Not one of prolly over a thousand suicidals I nursed was selfishly motivated. They were self less usually - thinking irrationally (humans make errors) that their going would be a burden off every one else.

But one very different lady I had involvement with waited about 30 years (suicidal since 7) - having been severely suicidal every day - until the day last kid left home, because she felt responsible and had to put them first - even b4 escaping living hell.

That to me was an extraordinarily unselfish achievement. Luckily be a complete fluke she was caught in the act. Even tho it was well planned and remote. After months of intensive inpatient help she was Ok. After a life which once I knew about I privately supported her right to euthanase. Didn't expect her to survive long term after months of extremely intensive nursing of her, "(too) damaged goods" in the words of another poster.

But what do you know. Help succeeded. The human healing or life principle I think - grow or perish, you can't go back, only onward and upward if only you can avoid going sideways in vulnerable times. 2 words from my training were most important for the team effort with her and pretty much all others = sow hope (even if you don't even believe someone has hope - fake it).

[vifferman]

sow hope (even if you don't even believe someone has hope - fake it).

Well, that's what I've tried to do with my son.
The problem is, when someone's in the pit of despair, they find it very hard to believe there's even a remote chance of things getting better, so it's a very hard job.

[Steam]

This thread is quite mature, good on you folks.

I have had three close friends kill themselves, two guys and a girl.
I think I tend to have friends who are interesting people... the very creative or "different", outsiders, artists, etc, and they seem to kill themselves a lot.

It sucks going to funerals.

Two of the deaths came as no surprise, they were almost expected; "Dan killed himself yesterday."
"Oh? Hmm... Well I guess it was only a matter of time."
We'd given all the support we could to Dan and the others, loved them as much as we could, they were getting professional help even, but some things just have a feeling of inevitablity, in hindsight.

Only one of the deaths was a surprise, and that was an unexpected medical-related thing leading to a horrible imbalance in brain chemistry, which in turn led to mania and suicide.


I'm not going to talk about my personal experiences because it's too personal, but big respect to those of you who have.

[007XX]

My friend Shane killed himself via hanging 12 years ago.

He only left a note to his girlfriend, who tragically was the one to discover him.

He was one of the most handsome young man I have ever had the pleasure to know. He was beautiful on the outside (and I mean model looks) and even more stunning on the inside: considerate and intelligent, a good son, a good partner and also a good friend.

He was a poet and a gentle soul, and that was in the end what made the world seem too much to him.

A year later, I named my son Shane. Not because of some morbid need to wallow in sorrow, but more to honour who my friend was with life and joy.
My son is beautiful in and out, gentle and considerate, a good son, friend and his girlfriend tells me he is just the best (they're 10 ). I certainly hope however, that I have taught him enough about life not being fair that he understands it is just part of the bargain, and that really, life is too beautiful to be wasted, that there are many things too good to hang onto to throw it all away.

It is hard to talk about even now, but my friend Shane may have prepared me in ways he will never understand, on how to "fortify" my son against the harshness of everyday life. I see the silver lining every day, and so does he, so I hope it will be enough.

[Hitcher]

I think I tend to have friends who are interesting people... the very creative or "different", outsiders, artists, etc, and they seem to kill themselves a lot.

They certainly must be "creative". Most people are only capable of dying once.

[doc]

I'm just interested if anyone knows someone who committed suicide. What did they do to kill themselves? Were there signs that they were unhappy or was it something that just happened and the sudden shock was just too much? Did they leave a note?

Bet this is in response to the present line where the media are trying to get permission to publish more details about suicides (Its all about more sales than doing a service. )
People who are serious about suicide succeed, got to wonder about those who fail after many attempts, taking up a lot of resources.
Those on this site who deal with and had entry to both the Auckland Pathology Museum and The Police Museum at Trentham, will have seen the results of someone who was pretty determined to succeed. They will know what I'm on about.

[Kittyhawk]

How does someone cope when you know a good mate or family member is a ticking time bomb?

For example cancer? It could possibly be the cancer which kills him in the end, or he kills himself if things get too bad, either way its going to happen.

2 years ago dad was diagnosed with cancer also had a 1 kg tumor, and had a quadruple bypass, he got so sick the specialists couldnt do chemo or anything for him...when the hospital sent him home to die, he decided to take matters into his own hands..

He cured himself...

And is now building a house and developing a 10 acre lifestyle block at the age of 63.

A fortnight ago he had an MRI test done and everything came back clear...I cant explain this but he is a walking miracle.

But could he also be a ticking time bomb? how do you prepare yourself for it??

I know of a bosses brother ending life via suicide, and the unhappy rippling effects of the suicide were hard.

Seems to be more of the creative people who end it though. Almost like theres a natural unbalance where creative talent lies. Famous musicians/actors who strived for perfection ended life early.

The exposure of unhappyness while working at something creative where the heart is poured into it and comes out, sometimes causes self destruction.

[007XX]

How does someone cope when you know a good mate or family member is a ticking time bomb?

For example cancer? It could possibly be the cancer which kills him in the end, or he kills himself if things get too bad, either way its going to happen.

2 years ago dad was diagnosed with cancer also had a 1 kg tumor, and had a quadruple bypass, he got so sick the specialists couldnt do chemo or anything for him...when the hospital sent him home to die, he decided to take matters into his own hands..

He cured himself...

And is now building a house and developing a 10 acre lifestyle block at the age of 63.

A fortnight ago he had an MRI test done and everything came back clear...I cant explain this but he is a walking miracle.

But could he also be a ticking time bomb? how do you prepare yourself for it??

I know of a bosses brother ending life via suicide, and the unhappy rippling effects of the suicide were hard.

Seems to be more of the creative people who end it though. Almost like theres a natural unbalance where creative talent lies. Famous musicians/actors who strived for perfection ended life early.

The exposure of unhappyness while working at something creative where the heart is poured into it and comes out, sometimes causes self destruction.

The thing is Hun about coping, is that you just DO...it's on a day by day basis, and no one else than yourself can do it.

Yes, tomorrow I could die...yes, tomorrow my son and my hubby could be gone...yes, tomorrow could bring the worst things I might think of.

But you know what? I force myself not to think about it. Because anticipating pain does not make it hurt any less when it finally comes along.

All it does is make you feel miserable...so train your mind to look for the good in everything, be it within yourself or around you.

There is always some good around, it just takes a little effort to see it sometimes when things get hard.

[Kittyhawk]

The thing is Hun about coping, is that you just DO...it's on a day by day basis, and no one else than yourself can do it.

Yes, tomorrow I could die...yes, tomorrow my son and my hubby could be gone...yes, tomorrow could bring the worst things I might think of.

But you know what? I force myself not to think about it. Because anticipating pain does not make it hurt any less when it finally comes along.

All it does is make you feel miserable...so train your mind to look for the good in everything, be it within yourself or around you.

There is always some good around, it just takes a little effort to see it sometimes when things get hard.

Thanks chick, yea you are right...taking each day as it comes is pretty much how it is for now.

[oldrider]

Just forget about it (suicide) it is contagious and very bad for your health!

There used to be on average in the Waitaki Valley about one a year, always on the agenda somewhere and right across the age groups, no pattern, just repetitive!

Lately there has been no talk of such events and the incidences have almost ceased. (thank goodness)

My opinion is that talking about these things only seems to increase the happenings.

The waste and anguish is horrific, put it back in the closet where it belongs.

Focus and talk about happy things, because what you think about and talk about HAPPENS! John.

[scumdog]

ANOTHER one down here - almost the same age as me.

Last week it was a 19 years old...