Best analogy competition.

**Marknz** · 23rd January 2008, 19:44

head like a busted fuck

more cheek than a fat mans arse

face like the rear end of a tram smash

heart of gold, head like a chicken

**Timber020** · 23rd January 2008, 19:46

Hes a few chromazones short of a potato

If he was any dumber he would need watering

As useless as a frenchman in a firefight

Shes so fat the tide follows her

She makes the german army look easy going

**Laava** · 23rd January 2008, 22:15

So ugly even the tide wouldn't go out with me, errrr, him!

**Mort** · 23rd January 2008, 22:43

I'm not saying the wife's ugly, but last christmas she stood under the mistle toe waiting for someone to kiss and she was still there at lent. In fact she went to see that film the Elephant Man and the audience thought she was making a personal appearance.

Tommorrow it's the mother-in-law's funeral...and she's cancelled it.

Funny thing how you first meet the woman that you marry. I first met the wife in a tunnel of love. She was digging it.

I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps.

He had ambitions, at one time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical.

The wife's Mother said, "When you're dead, I'll dance in your grave." I said: "Good, I'm being buried at sea."

I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussard's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said, 'Keep her moving sir, we're stock-taking'

I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite. You see the trouble is he's very old fashioned. When he gives you an injection you have to bite on a bullet.

Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finish up.

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough."

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

**Big Dave** · 23rd January 2008, 23:21

Originally Posted by McJim

As pedantic as a Hitcher on a Yamaha!

As lame as that.

Sorry man - you know it's just an opportunity.

**Dave-** · 23rd January 2008, 23:32

"lets get the hell out of this hole like a used tampon"

work mate told me it, he claims ownership.

**motorbyclist** · 25th January 2008, 00:08

"sticks like shit to a blanket"

"just like a bought one" (in reference to a DIY job of dubious quality, commonly in conjunction with "it's not just good, it's good enough!")

"sticks out like a sore thumb"

"as slow as a wet week"

"clear as mud"

"sweating like a rapist"

"as fun as watching paint dry and rain fall"

"like fucking a bucket of warm water"

"she's so skinny (or loose) you could have a fuck and a wank at the same time"

"let's make like a tree and stay"

**MidnightMike** · 26th January 2008, 13:50

As laughable as Skidmarks 'Im leaving KB' thread....

**Biggles08** · 26th January 2008, 14:30

As tight as a Nun on prom night!

**Drew** · 26th January 2008, 17:18

Originally Posted by Biggles08

As tight as a Nun on prom night!

Too elaborate further...

As tight as a nuns one, and twice as smelly.

**nudemetalz** · 26th January 2008, 19:00

(When leaving) "..Make like a Russian and Bug'roff-ski.."

**Kendog** · 26th January 2008, 19:12

Organising KBers for a piss up, is like herding cats.

**Big Dave** · 27th January 2008, 11:03

"Pim has said that if you want to be part of his squad you have to be consistent more often than not. " - Harry Kewell.

'consistent more often than not.'

my brain hurts.