Separation orders

[sidecar bob]

everything will be sweet until she gets a new man or you get a girlfriend then the shit will hit the fan sort everything out early (now)

I dont agree jimjim, My ex & i have been/are in new relationships & it hasnt changed a thing between us.

[cowboyz]

there is no property and custody agreements arent worth shit nowadays.

ok. I reneg. If you must have a lawyer then make sure that you do not HIRE the lawyer. Have all corospondence from her lawyer directed at you and if anything stupid comes your way send a letter back saying,

Dear Sir,

I disagree,

Thanking you.
your name.

For anything that you think may be important (anything pertaining to the kids) then read it 50 times and if you still dont get it then go ask a lawyer to draft a letter and appropriate documents for the courts for you but again, be clear you are not hiring him/her and be very very clear on what s/he is going to charge you to write that letter.
Be Honest and do what you think it right in reguards to your ex.

Be very very careful around lawyers.

[wilber]

if your still on good talking terms sort it out between yourselves without getting lawyers involved ,it is only going to get messy and costly ,only one winner and its the lawyer ,see one when you'll sorted your stuff out ,been there done that

[Chickadee]

Have you got someone that can help you guys intially before getting a lawyer?

Might be worthwhile finding someone neutral that would be prepared to sit down and list your shared assets and responsiblities and child raising commitments. Then once you have a better idea go see a lawyer.

This website may be of use to you both
http://www.justice.govt.nz/family/wh...ce/general.asp

[civil]

Dont get a Lawyer !!! Dont get a Lawyer !!!!

Sort it out between yourself. If your ex gets Lawyered up then give Union of Fathers a call and be prepared to learn how to fight in the courts yourself (and so be sucessful) WITHOUT A LAWYER, or just get on a plane and go leaving everything behind. Getting a lawyer will give you the same result.

[scumdog]

Get a lawyer.
And EVERYTHING is split 50/50 - bills, bikes, money, assets.

[kevfromcoro]

Get a lawyer.
And EVERYTHING is split 50/50 - bills, bikes, money, assets.

As he said...get a lawyer

[Swoop]

Get a lawyer.

A verbal agreement isn't worth the paper it's written on...

This will protect you further on down the track.

Nobody likes the scalyback slimy fuckers, but get a lawyer.

[roadracingoldfart]

go see the family courts and ask for a meeting to see what you need to achieve for the kids sake.
The family courts prefer you to sort out an agreement yourselfs but are available through counciling and such to make sure everything is above board.
Ill add that if you do not manage to arrange an agreement all are happy with the family court WILL pass a judgement for you and then trouble can manifest itself to greater levels. The kids get a lawyer appointed and then you are passed the agreement stage and into the doing what your told stage.
A court judgement will be focused on what they think is best for the kids and you have to suck it and see.

When i left my ex i took the race bike, my stereo, tools and a few other personal things and left the house etc to her. hey , the kids needed a safe home.
I now pay for them through IRD and have them to stay all the time and holidays if i want.
The biggest hurt i have ever felt was when you get turned on by so called friends / family . Its like they have to blame someone for whats happening.

[SVboy]

I think there is a lot of sound advice in this thread-coming from different perspectives and experiences. Take what you want from it, but make sure it fits your circumstances. If you are not in a war, why start one-if you are in the trenchs already-bring in the hired help asap.
FWIW..my experience was to sit down with my then wife very early and nut out an agreement re property and child access. Then have it ratified by the bloodsu...err lawyers, which will still cost too much. I found it was better to give than recieve...its only $$ and stuff. You will recover. depending on where YOU are emotionally now, you could be about to face a very difficult personal episode, which could take a lot or strength to get through. The last thing you need is a war with your ex re petty stuff. This is also the LAST thing your kids need. Court battles are to be avoided at all costs. They will suck the humanity right out of you.

[scumdog]

I dont agree jimjim, My ex & i have been/are in new relationships & it hasnt changed a thing between us.

I agree - in fact things can change for the positive

My ex went from "if you think you're getting a divorce from me you've got another think coming"

To: "I've met somebody else - can you speed the divorce up??" a month later.

[warewolf]

Hah! Mate of mine was getting the run-around from his wife for over 12 months. Suddenly she wants to buy a house with that other fellah and she's nagging him to sign the paperwork and pay her out.

They sorted out the split between them, used some arbitration or something, then got an accountant to crunch the numbers. Not sure who drew up the contract. He took it to his lawyer and asked, "does this contract she's given me do what I've told you we've agreed on?" The lawyer abused him for not disputing the settlement and fired him! Yes, the lawyer fired his customer!! Then sent him a bill for two 15 minute phone calls. Subsequent lawyer said, "yep, well written contract, sign it. And we'll tell that other snake you'll pay off his bill at $5 a month, which means he'll write it off himself."

[Mrs Busa Pete]

I think there is a lot of sound advice in this thread-coming from different perspectives and experiences. Take what you want from it, but make sure it fits your circumstances. If you are not in a war, why start one-if you are in the trenchs already-bring in the hired help asap.
FWIW..my experience was to sit down with my then wife very early and nut out an agreement re property and child access. Then have it ratified by the bloodsu...err lawyers, which will still cost too much. I found it was better to give than recieve...its only $$ and stuff. You will recover. depending on where YOU are emotionally now, you could be about to face a very difficult personal episode, which could take a lot or strength to get through. The last thing you need is a war with your ex re petty stuff. This is also the LAST thing your kids need. Court battles are to be avoided at all costs. They will suck the humanity right out of you.

These are very wise words

[skidMark]

I don't want to say too much cause I don't need any sympathy from people recognising me. All I want to know is what I have to do. This is not a Skidmark thread, it's a genuine request for help. If you work out who I am don't bother asking I won't tell you.

oh cmon we can make is a skidmark thread here i am.

if you can't figure out yourself how to get a divorce.....you arnt gunna do any better than her.

really fair on your kids too.

good on ya chump. i mean champ.

[ynot slow]

Agree with if you can sort it out without lawyers do it comments.

As for child support don't agree to anything prior as IRD will tell you how much you will pay,assuming she will need a benefit,and if she has got the DPB and you need a lawyer she will have one as well,but you have to pay for your one,she will get hers on legal aid.If you decide together the child support you can agree and take it to IRD.

50/50 is crap,I had a part settlement organised with the ex,she said that's ok re house payment,I agreed that $xx was hers in house,I'd take half the balance,i.e $55000 out of $100000 not to be touched by me.was happy with $25000.We had it pretty well sussed out till her parents got in on the act,thought I was taking all of my 50% of house,they then got a dodgy valuation to drag it out in lawyers fees.

Try to sit down amicably and sort it out,then take the documents to a lawyer to sign up.