Your IDEAL relationship model - please read first post before responding to poll

[Coyote]

Not at all.

But you might notice that no men have yet ticked the cheatin' option.

Could that be because the male psyche does not lend itself to desiring the evil rush of successful deception?

Much like how men tend to not talk behind a mates back whereas many women lap up any opportunity to do so.

W1:"Omg, here she comes now"
W2:"Lol, she's such a bitch, her dress looks horrible"
W1:"Omg I know"
W2:"Lol"
W3:"hey gurlz!"
W1&2:"Oh hey, didn't see you! *hugz*"

I've been cheated on, didn't enjoy it. Why do it to someone I care about, or anyone? And as Mikkel said, 5 chicks at once would be great, but that's unlikely and having a good relationship with the one lovely lady is better than mindless sex, not that I've gotten around much mind you.


And another thing, I hate the phrase "love at first site". It's practically saying "I love your looks and I'll say anything that'll keep me getting inside your pants".

[Coyote]

Mine was rampant in my 20s - the only trouble was, most of my 20s nobody was interested!!!!

Where were you? At home?

[Mikkel]

Bling sent...'nuf said...

For what it's worth, I'd tend to agree with your approach to this thread.

I used to think exactly the same in my early 20s, however never found more than one partner I was attracted to at the same time.
*sigh* being picky can be a pain sometimes...

I see what you mean - but being picky is usually the best way to avoid disappointments in the long run...

However, I'd have to admit I've met quite a few people with whom I've felt a mutual attraction. I just haven't acted upon that impulse while being in a relationship. Mainly, I guess, because I didn't want to put the relationship at risk and I simply refuse to live a life based on conceit and lies...

I'd have been more tempted to either not acknowledge this realisation or perhaps compromise my principles when I was in my early twenties...

Who cares? Besides, why can't you have more than one ideal? Perhaps more importantly how can you be certain that what you percieve as your ideal relationship is what you are willing to admit to?

Any way why would you want to have to deal with more than one person at a time. I'm sure the vacarious thrills would be a reward if you are that way inclined, but it's just soo much trouble for a poor simple bloke.

I would be lying through my teeth if I was to claim I was a simple bloke!

Quite frankly, I can easily get bored with people on the person-to-person level. I crave diversity to a level which is extremely difficult to achieve in one person. If I don't get stimulated I quite simply become bored and fall asleep (if not physically, then mentally).

This is also the reason I usually drive/ride at speeds not approved of by the LTSA... If I go slow I get bored and my brain shuts down (goes elsewhere) and a much more dangerous lack of focus sets in.

[007XX]

I see what you mean - but being picky is usually the best way to avoid disappointments in the long run...

However, I'd have to admit I've met quite a few people with whom I've felt a mutual attraction. I just haven't acted upon that impulse while being in a relationship. Mainly, I guess, because I didn't want to put the relationship at risk and I simply refuse to live a life based on conceit and lies...

I'd have been more tempted to either not acknowledge this realisation or perhaps compromise my principles when I was in my early twenties...

Yep, agree fully...see, we couldn't have a decent argument, cos we always agree with each other

[ArcherWC]

Hmmmmm......I could contribute a lot to this conversation, but methinks it would be far more interesting (and less public) over a beer

[Cruisin' Craig]

None of the cheating that I've been directly involved in or known of first-hand was due to either of those reasons.

I think you need to go back to the drawing-board.

I can guarantee that the second of those points at least is valid.
But I suspect there are a LOT more reasons than just those two :-)

[LilSel]

May be slighty off topic... but to do with relationships n cheating...

What I cant stand is people who insinuate/offer/encourage another person to cheat

Unfortunately as I have learned, its human nature & you cannot do anything about it, you can give the world to someone yet they still treat you as being insignificant & either cheat or display characteristics that lead you to the conclusion that that is whats being going on.

Interestingly enough... this time of year is the time of year that the most relationships end or people get caught out... (according to the radio)

Im happy in the knowledge that I am faithful to my partner

[Wolf]

Perhaps more importantly how can you be certain that what you percieve as your ideal relationship is what you are willing to admit to?

Valid question. Likewise: How can you be certain that the relationship you're in is what you truly wish for? Many people say "I want to settle down with the "right person" and grow old together" - yet the divorce and cheating stats suggest that many people are wrong in that.

I suppose that in an ideal universe we'd all be in the ideal relationship and our partners' libidos would change at the same rate and in the same directions as our own and we'd always grow together rather than apart.

We'd all know what we want and we'd seek out that which suits us and reject everything else without fear. We would also pursue what we wanted without fear of the censure and abuse of others.

However, far greater philosophers than I have frequently pointed out that the universe is far from ideal.

Sadly, people often know only the options they've been told and have preconceived notions about things drilled into them. Many people fear being alone and leap into relationships that don't suit them, many people lack the courage to trust their partners and discuss things openly and honestly, the pressure is there to "find "the one" and settle down" and people often don't know what they really want and many of those who do fear to act on it as other people can be right royal pricks.

When you have mismatched partners in a relationship, things can quickly turn pear-shaped for one or t'other and the human spectrum ranges from those who would happily be celibate (deliberately left out as a poll option) to those who could happily have multiple partners and have no problem with their partners having multiple partners, taking in monogamists, non-commitant people and those who desire multiple partners - but would not be happy with their partners having other partners - along the way.

Fortunately, there are reciprocal people out there but we don't always meet/fall in love with those who are matches in that respect. Many people are so scared of being alone they get hooked up with people that aren't compatible rather than wait for someone who is.

I'm fortunate that, in the here and now, StrayJ and I are in a compatible relationship and both developing together in the same direction (I can't speak for the future but it looks good so far). Others are not so lucky.

What I cannot understand is couples wherein both are cheating on each other and they find out about each other and then petition for divorce on the grounds of "infidelity" - yet they were both equally guilty. Sure, the deceit side of it needs to be addressed and both need a good slap over the ears for that, but surely that would be a cue to sit down and say "OK, we both obviously have needs outside the relationship, time to reassess the relationship and see if it's worth continuing in a more "open format." If they still loved each other enough not to dump one another when they met their lovers, if the relationship was worth keeping, then surely the relationship has enough going for it to keep in modified form.

[Pwalo]

Valid question.......snip...... in modified form.

Look I actually studied Philosophy (a long time ago). You're trying way too hard.

[Pwalo]

Wolf, have you ever heard of over analysis?

[Str8 Jacket]

Wolf, have you ever heard of over analysis?

Different strokes mate..... Wolf's a good guy!

[Finn]

True multiple emotional connections are a difficult thing to balance.

Not with decent home security and CCTV they're not.

[Wolf]

Wolf, have you ever heard of over analysis?

Just interested in knowing how people think, dude. The "Forbidden Three" (Sex, Politics and Religion) have always been topics for discussion so far as I'm concerned, for precisely the same reason they are "forbidden" - they're things that are pivotal to our natures as humans and emotions/convictions run high/deep on those topics. You learn a lot more about people through them than you do discussing hobbies.

[007XX]

Wolf, have you ever heard of over analysis?

And have you considered the possibility that a lot of us actually enjoy reading his over analysis?

Freedom of speech is a beautiful thing, don't you think?

[Str8 Jacket]

Freedom of speech is a beautiful thing, don't you think?

Depends on who's doing the speaking!