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Thread: Share your txt jokes

  1. #361
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    7th November 2008 - 13:30
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    Mummy and daddy say to son "we're trying to make a brother or sister for u"
    Son replies "fuck that, can you do it doggy style so I can have a puppy"

  2. #362
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    21st May 2009 - 17:32
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    I watahed as tha ' other ' woman delicately inserted her fingers into my wife's pussy. understandably, I decided to have a wank... midwives eh, no sense of humour...
    WISDOM IS KNOWING KARMA REALLY CAN'T GET YOU.

    SPEED KILLS, BUT YOU GET THERE FASTER

    DILLIGAF = Does it look like I give a FUCK - Hell no!

  3. #363
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    Man wakes wife up and asks
    "would you like some coffee dariling, or would you prefer sex?"
    "I'm not fussed" she replied, "etiher way it's going to be fucking instant!"

  4. #364
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    16th September 2004 - 16:48
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    If wanking makes you blind - what does fucking fat chicks do?
    Reactor Online. Sensors Online. Weapons Online. All Systems Nominal.

  5. #365
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    21st May 2009 - 17:32
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    more money is spent on boob jobs and viagra than alzheimer's researh!! by 2040 the elderly will have perky tits, stiff cocks and no fucking idea why..
    WISDOM IS KNOWING KARMA REALLY CAN'T GET YOU.

    SPEED KILLS, BUT YOU GET THERE FASTER

    DILLIGAF = Does it look like I give a FUCK - Hell no!

  6. #366
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    21st May 2009 - 17:32
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    they finally arressted the serial butt fucker. So you can stop sleeping on your stomach naked with the window open ... its not gonna happen.
    WISDOM IS KNOWING KARMA REALLY CAN'T GET YOU.

    SPEED KILLS, BUT YOU GET THERE FASTER

    DILLIGAF = Does it look like I give a FUCK - Hell no!

  7. #367
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    6th December 2009 - 09:33
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    Printed in The Guardian (British paper)

    At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coastguard and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff.
    Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window.

  8. #368
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    21st May 2009 - 17:32
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    sum bird was givin me a blowjob the other day when suddenly, she stuck her finger up my ass!! women aye, they will do anything to get a ring on their finger.. !!
    WISDOM IS KNOWING KARMA REALLY CAN'T GET YOU.

    SPEED KILLS, BUT YOU GET THERE FASTER

    DILLIGAF = Does it look like I give a FUCK - Hell no!

  9. #369
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    21st May 2009 - 17:32
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    Some people accuse me of thinking the world revolves around me, But it doesnt . it revolves around the sun, which shines out my arse!!
    WISDOM IS KNOWING KARMA REALLY CAN'T GET YOU.

    SPEED KILLS, BUT YOU GET THERE FASTER

    DILLIGAF = Does it look like I give a FUCK - Hell no!

  10. #370
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    21st May 2009 - 17:32
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    do you want to come to a charity do at the weekend, it's for women with no legs. the dance floor will be crawling with pussy.
    WISDOM IS KNOWING KARMA REALLY CAN'T GET YOU.

    SPEED KILLS, BUT YOU GET THERE FASTER

    DILLIGAF = Does it look like I give a FUCK - Hell no!

  11. #371
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    15th January 2009 - 10:26
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    Whats 12 inches long, purple and makes a woman scream in the morning?

    Cot death!
    Quote Originally Posted by James Deuce View Post
    Don't argue with the pigs, man. They'll tap your phones and steal your weed and make your old lady do things she won't do for you.
    Quote Originally Posted by Hitcher View Post
    Sexually transmitted diseases are one thing, sexually affected carnage is something else entirely. Ladies, if his cock's that small that he's prepared to put you at risk for a root, look elsewhere. Seriously.

  12. #372
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    If a woman doesnt like it when i masturbate, she should....

    a/ join in
    b/ masturbate herself, or
    c/ find another seat on the goddam bus!
    Quote Originally Posted by James Deuce View Post
    Don't argue with the pigs, man. They'll tap your phones and steal your weed and make your old lady do things she won't do for you.
    Quote Originally Posted by Hitcher View Post
    Sexually transmitted diseases are one thing, sexually affected carnage is something else entirely. Ladies, if his cock's that small that he's prepared to put you at risk for a root, look elsewhere. Seriously.

  13. #373
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    7th November 2008 - 13:30
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    I was walking through the cemetery this morning and saw a guy crouching down behind a tombstone. I said, "Morning." He said, "No, just taking a fuckin shit

  14. #374
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    When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that God doesn't work that way... So I stole a bike and asked Him to forgive me

  15. #375
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    My wife was in labor with our first child. She was shouting, "Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!" She looked at me and yelled, "You did this to me, you bastard!" I casually replied, "If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your ass but you said, "That would hurt too much."

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