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Thread: Share your txt jokes

  1. #376
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    7th November 2008 - 13:30
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    I went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for my annual checkup. She told me that I had to quit masturbating. I asked why and she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

  2. #377
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    I was walking down the road and saw my Afghanistan neighbor Abdul standing on his fifth floor apartment balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, "What's wrong, Abdul? Won't it start?"

  3. #378
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    21st May 2009 - 17:32
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    Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat?
    Cut off your head.
    WISDOM IS KNOWING KARMA REALLY CAN'T GET YOU.

    SPEED KILLS, BUT YOU GET THERE FASTER

    DILLIGAF = Does it look like I give a FUCK - Hell no!

  4. #379
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    7th November 2008 - 13:30
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    As she wrote a valentines day message to her Lover, she couldn't remember how to spell 'penis' even though earlier, it had been on the tip of her tounge!

  5. #380
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    21st May 2009 - 17:32
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    WIFE" I have a headache" HUSBAND" Perfect, i was just in the bathroom powdering my cock with asirin, U can take it orally or as a suppository, it's up to you.
    WISDOM IS KNOWING KARMA REALLY CAN'T GET YOU.

    SPEED KILLS, BUT YOU GET THERE FASTER

    DILLIGAF = Does it look like I give a FUCK - Hell no!

  6. #381
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    23rd August 2008 - 14:43
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    You know you can say what you like about paedophiles........ but at least they drive slowly past schools
    All of this, all of this can be yours, Just give me what I want and no one gets hurt




  7. #382
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    7th November 2008 - 13:30
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    If mothers celebrate mothers day, fathers celebrate fathers day and lovers celebrate valentines day,
    Do wankers celbrate palm sunday?

  8. #383
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    9th August 2005 - 19:52
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    Q. How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    A. Two. The hard part is getting them in the lightbulb
    Zen wisdom: No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. - obviously had KB in mind when he came up with that gem

    Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity

  9. #384
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    9th August 2005 - 19:52
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    Q. What's the definition of Trust?
    A. Two gay cannibals in a 69er
    Zen wisdom: No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. - obviously had KB in mind when he came up with that gem

    Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity

  10. #385
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    9th August 2005 - 19:52
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    Q. What has seventy-five balls and screws old ladies?
    A. Bingo!
    Zen wisdom: No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. - obviously had KB in mind when he came up with that gem

    Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity

  11. #386
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    Q: When is a pixie not a pixie?
    A: When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin'.
    Zen wisdom: No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. - obviously had KB in mind when he came up with that gem

    Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity

  12. #387
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    21st May 2009 - 17:32
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    Blond drops shirt at the cleaners, asian lady thanks her and says come again, blond replies, NO its tooth paste this time you nosey bitch
    WISDOM IS KNOWING KARMA REALLY CAN'T GET YOU.

    SPEED KILLS, BUT YOU GET THERE FASTER

    DILLIGAF = Does it look like I give a FUCK - Hell no!

  13. #388
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    6th December 2009 - 09:33
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    New Zealand
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    What to do on a plane if the passenger next to you is irritating:

    1- Remove your lap top from its bag

    2- Open the laptop slowly and carefully

    3- Turn on

    4- Ensure the passenger next to you is watching

    5- Turn on the Internet

    6- Close your eyes for a brief moment, open them again, turn your gaze upwards to the skies as if in prayer

    7- Take a deep breath and open this site TickTockTickTock

    8-Observe the facial expression of your neighbouring passenger
    Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window.

  14. #389
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    9th August 2005 - 19:52
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    One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or bitch .....

    But this was a long time ago and it was just that ONE day.
    Zen wisdom: No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. - obviously had KB in mind when he came up with that gem

    Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity

  15. #390
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    8th November 2004 - 11:00
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    I'm gutted! Yesterday, I was in the local Maori shop, quite happily going through a magazine, when the bloody gun jammed.
    Do you realise how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?

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