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Thread: Share your txt jokes

  1. #421
    Join Date
    6th February 2008 - 10:35
    Bike
    '03 FXD
    Location
    Dark Side of the Moon.
    Posts
    1,818
    I gave my wife an orgasm last night,
    Fucking ungrateful bitch spat it out!
    Never too old to Rock n Roll.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    I've got miserly tourettes and I don't give a fuck.

  2. #422
    Join Date
    7th November 2008 - 13:30
    Bike
    2007 GSX1000R
    Location
    Hastings
    Posts
    2,140
    After a few years of marriage, sex is down to a couple of times a month!

    But truth be told, if she didn't sleep with her mouth open, I wouldn't be getting any!!

  3. #423
    Join Date
    7th November 2008 - 13:30
    Bike
    2007 GSX1000R
    Location
    Hastings
    Posts
    2,140
    Wife sent me shopping to day. Told me to buy her something for mothers day that made her look sexy...... I came back with 2 litres of Jim Beam adn a box of Tui

  4. #424
    Spicer Guest

    Text Joke

    Handy tip if campin,if a lady in next tent sez shes so hot.she will be sleepin with her flaps open,it isnt an invitation 4 sex. I appear in court next monday.

  5. #425
    Spicer Guest

    Text Joke

    Started a new job in a music shop 2day.A maori came in and asked "do u have anything by The Doors" I said "yes an alarm and 2 security guards so fuck off!:

  6. #426
    Join Date
    3rd April 2010 - 21:23
    Bike
    '93 Sportster Custom
    Location
    Nelson
    Posts
    139
    Blog Entries
    1
    Whats the difference between a dead dog on the road, and a dead *insert racial connotation* on the road?

    There's skidmarks infront of the dog.
    When the flag drops, the bullshit stops.

  7. #427
    Join Date
    7th November 2008 - 13:30
    Bike
    2007 GSX1000R
    Location
    Hastings
    Posts
    2,140
    I was out drinking in town the other night. I took a bus home.......................so what?

    Well, it was the first time I have ever driven a bus!

  8. #428
    Spicer Guest

    Text Jokes

    Be careful
    ..Driving conditions are awful 2day ive
    just come off the road and hit a Maori!
    It took me 10mins, 2fields & a golf course, but i got the fucker!


    The 10th annual blow job contest is tomorrow.
    We ask that you stay home, so a girl can win this time.
    Thanks champ.

    Hey sorry if my phone keeps txting u...Dam idiots on
    road can't drive.
    My phone is voice activated and everytime i yell
    "fuckin retard" it dials ure number.

    Old man asks 4 quarter a tab of viagra.'That wont
    give u an erection"chemist says.I dont want an erection, i just want
    2 stick out enuf so i dont piss on my sac.


    Just got a maori tattoo on my arm-now my arm wont fuckin work!!!

  9. #429
    Join Date
    11th February 2007 - 21:35
    Bike
    Kawasaki EN500
    Location
    xxxxx
    Posts
    129
    New Company Word of the day:


    FOCUS


    When you are annoyed with someone tell them to FOCUS


    F#*K Off Cause U're Stupid!

  10. #430
    Spicer Guest

    Text Jokes

    What are the 2 most inportant holes in a woman's body?
    No not them u dirty bastard-
    Her nostrilis...They allow her to breathe while she is sucking your cock.


    Saw an ad in the paper for: 'bored housewife 32,lookin for some action'.
    I sent her my ironing.That'll keep the bitch busy...

    I got a new stick deodorant 2day.The instructions said; Remove cap and push up bottom.
    I can barely walk,but whenever i fart the room smells lovely.


    A sexy woman in a bar walks up 2 the bartender & puts her fingers in his mouth.
    After he licks & Sucks her fingers she says 2 him "Tell ure manager there's no tiolet paper"


    Did u know the prices of texts are changing depending on how good looking u are?
    mine's now free,Don't bother texting back it'll cost u a fucking fortune.


    Why do they put a cock on top of a weather vein?
    Because if they puy a cunt up there the wind would blow right throught it.

    A man comes home with a bunch of flowers and hands them to his wife,she sez:
    "I supose you want me to open my legs for those"? He sez "Why haven't you a vase big enough"?

  11. #431
    Join Date
    20th January 2009 - 18:47
    Bike
    2004 VTR1000 & KXF250 trailer trash
    Location
    Lower Hutt
    Posts
    376
    How can you tell if you've been rooting your missus a bit too much?

    Put your thumb up her ass and your middle finger in her puss. if you can click your fingers you should ease up a bit.
    Learn basic maintenance as motorcycle boots are not comfortable for walking in

  12. #432
    Join Date
    7th November 2008 - 13:30
    Bike
    2007 GSX1000R
    Location
    Hastings
    Posts
    2,140
    Whats big, long and hard when erect and makes a woman moan like fuck?

    An ironing board!

  13. #433
    Join Date
    7th November 2008 - 13:30
    Bike
    2007 GSX1000R
    Location
    Hastings
    Posts
    2,140
    Plane is losing height, pilot said "throw out passengers alphabetically: africans, blacks and coons"

    Little black boy said "thats us dad"

    Dad says "No son. Today we is niggers"

  14. #434
    Join Date
    21st May 2009 - 17:32
    Bike
    97 tls, 750 katana . k4 gsxr1000
    Location
    still lookin for therapy
    Posts
    897
    What do you call an anorexic with thrush?
    A quarter pounder with cheese!
    WISDOM IS KNOWING KARMA REALLY CAN'T GET YOU.

    SPEED KILLS, BUT YOU GET THERE FASTER

    DILLIGAF = Does it look like I give a FUCK - Hell no!

  15. #435
    Join Date
    7th November 2008 - 13:30
    Bike
    2007 GSX1000R
    Location
    Hastings
    Posts
    2,140
    A womans dead body was discovered this morning with semen in her eyes. The police say she probably saw her killer coming

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