Share your txt jokes

[peasea]

There is no such thing as rape!

All a woman has to do is beat off her attacker.

[one fast tl1ooo]

What's the difference between a wife and a job. After 5 years, the job still sucks

[Love my Bonnie]

Why do women close their eyes when having sex?

We cant stand to see a man happy

[one fast tl1ooo]

What does a sorority girl put behind her ears to make her look more attractive?
Her ankles.

[peasea]

South Auckland police are looking for a Maori basher. I rang them but apparently its not a job opportunity.

[peasea]

I hate women who wear too much makeup. My missus has just the right amount of foundation on her face. I buried her under the house.

[trailblazer]

whats the differance between a blond and a maori.
Evan though the blond is dumb as shit they will still get a job.

[crazyhorse]

Kids learning conversion:

Timmy, how much is a centimeter? 10mm miss
Cindy, how much is a litre? 1000ml miss
Rangi, How much is an ounce? Aw bout $300 bux miss

[<G>]

When love fades



Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's' voice from the kitchen.

"What would you like for dinner my Love? Chicken, beef or lamb?"

I said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken."

She replied "You're having soup, arsehole. I was talking to the cat."

[crazyhorse]

Teacher asks a girl to give a sentence with the word "handsome" in it.....
She replied "when i'm sucking dick, and my jaw gets sore, I use my handsome times!"

[crazyhorse]

This new 3D TV is very realistic. I fell asleep watching the Maori channel, and when I woke up, my fucking wallet was gone!

[one fast tl1ooo]

How do blondes' braincells die?

Alone.

[<G>]

Iron Man is a superhero

Iron Woman is a command

[angelindisguise]

Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy, who has broken his leg. Paddy asks him to go upstairs and fetch his slippers as his feet are freezing. Murphy runs upstairs and finds Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sitting on their beds. He tells them that their dad had sent him up to shag them both. "F*** off u liar" they tell him, so he offers to prove it. He shouts downstairs "Both of them Pat." Paddy replies "Of course, whats the use of f***ing one?

[angelindisguise]

How many animals can you fit into a pair of ladies jeans? 2 calfs, 1 beaver, 1 ass, 1 pussy, countless hares the occasional cock and 1 dead fish on one can find!