Share your txt jokes

[one fast tl1ooo]

[crazyhorse]

A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station.

[crazyhorse]

Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

(Since Venus is normally associated with women, what does this tell you ?)
(That women are going the 'right' direction...?)

[bogan]

Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

(Since Venus is normally associated with women, what does this tell you ?)
(That women are going the 'right' direction...?)

or that they always gotta be different
or that they look down on everything!

[crazyhorse]

Everyone has a photographic memory.
Some. . . . . . just don't have any film.

[Spicer]

***HUSBAND: Shall we try a different position tonight?
WIFE: That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart


Husband: Do you know the meaning of W I F E?
It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!

Wife: No darling, it means, With Idiot For Ever

************

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper, So I'd be in your hands all day.

Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper, so I could have a new one everyday



A butler came running into his important master's office. "Sir, sir, there's a ghost in the corridor. What shall I do with him?"

Without looking up from his work the master said, "Tell him I can't see him.

---------------------------

"Do you think I shall live until I'm ninety, doctor?"
"How old are you now?"
"Forty."
"Do you drink, gamble, smoke, or have you any vices of any kind?"
"No. I don't drink, I never gamble, I loathe smoking; in fact, I haven't any vices."
"Well, good heavens, what do you want to live another fifty years for?"

--------------------------

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

"I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife," he tells the doctor, "when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it, and I noticed one of the cows had something white in its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball stuck right in the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake."

"What did you do?" asks the doctor.

"Well, as I was standing there holding up the tail, I yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!'"


Q: Why are condoms transparent?

A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if their entry is Restricted!



Signboard outside a prostitute's house:

Married MEN not allowed. We serve the needy, not the greedy...



New AIDS awareness slogan:

Try different positions with the same woman instead of same position with different women.



Why is $ex like shaving?

Well, because no matter how well you do it today... tomorrow you'll have to do it again...



Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster?

A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed to death



Q: Why do 90% gals have left boob bigger than right?

A: Bcoz 90% boys are right handed



Q: What is the difference between an UNDERWEAR & a STAGE CURTAIN?

A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the UNDERWEAR..... it is SHOWTIME!



Q: What is the similarity between a wife and a chewing gum?

A: Both are sweet in the beginning but become tasteless and shapeless later



Advantages of having an affair with a married women.

They give like hell.

They do not yell.

They do not tell.

They do not swell and there is no wedding bell!



My dad told me that if Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would be still in Paradise . Why? Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the bloody apple!

[one fast tl1ooo]

A little girl walks into her parents' bedroom.
She screams "And YOU want ME to see a doctor about sucking my thumb...!!

[crazyhorse]

Once upon a time a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" . The girl said "No" and she lived happily ever after. She went shopping, drank vodka with friends, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had a wardrobe full of shoes and bags, stayed skinny and was never farted upon. The End.

[one fast tl1ooo]

I hate crushing pills up and putting them in my Aunt’s dinner. I feel sneaky, but if I ever got her pregnant I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.

[RiderInBlack]

Once upon a time a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" . The girl said "No" and she lived happily ever after. She went shopping, drank vodka with friends, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had a wardrobe full of shoes and bags, stayed skinny and was never farted upon. The End.

LOL, love it, but now for the Guy's version:
Once upon a time a Girl asked a Guy "When are ya getting around ta asking me to marry ya?" . The Guy said "When ya stop bugging me", so she left him. He went drinking with all his Mates that she didn't like and wouldn't let him go out with. He stayed over with his mates, cause he had had too much fun & didn't have anyone at home ringing all the time asking him "when the hell are ya getting home". He didn't have ta keep the house spotless & there was no-one nagging him ta get this or that done. He enjoyed cooking for himself (She had never let him get near the kitchen unless it was ta do the dishes). He had a workshop full of tools, as many motorbikes as he liked, a boat, a Xbox and a 50" HD TV with Sky Sports. He didn't have ta worry about his beer-gut. He could fart and belch as loud and smelly as he wanted. He didn't have ta worry about his "Best Friend" sleeping with his wife and lived happily ever after. The End.

By the way they were both secretly sad and lonely. They put on a fake front for all their married friends (who were pining after their single days), but really were envious of their married friends. They missed having someone ta talk to and hold, and died with no-one ta miss them when they had gone. The Real End

[JATZ]

LOL, love it, but now for the Guy's version:
Once upon a time a Girl asked a Guy "When are ya getting around ta asking me to marry ya?" . The Guy said "When ya stop bugging me", so she left him. He went drinking with all his Mates that she didn't like and wouldn't let him go out with. He stayed over with his mates, cause he had had too much fun & didn't have anyone at home ringing all the time asking him "when the hell are ya getting home". He didn't have ta keep the house spotless & there was no-one nagging him ta get this or that done. He enjoyed cooking for himself (She had never let him get near the kitchen unless it was ta do the dishes). He had a workshop full of tools, as many motorbikes as he liked, a boat, a Xbox and a 50" HD TV with Sky Sports. He didn't have ta worry about his beer-gut. He could fart and belch as loud and smelly as he wanted. He didn't have ta worry about his "Best Friend" sleeping with his wife and lived happily ever after. The End.

By the way they were both secretly sad and lonely. They put on a fake front for all their married friends (who were pining after their single days), but really were envious of their married friends. They missed having someone ta talk to and hold, and died with no-one ta miss them when they had gone. The Real End

Faaark thats a long txt

[one fast tl1ooo]

So Much Fun
A suspicious husband hired a private eye to check on the movements of his wife. In addition to a written report, the husband wanted a video of his wife's activities.

A week later, the detective returned with a film. They sat down together and proceeded to watch it.

Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man! He saw the two of them strolling arm in arm and laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe. He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw them take part in a dozen activities with utter glee.

"I just can't believe this," said the distraught husband.

"What's not to believe?" the detective said. "It's right up there on the screen!"

"I simply can't believe my wife could be so much fun!" the husband replied.

[crazyhorse]

Bus load Maoris crash. Farmer buries them. Cop asks if they were all dead?

Farmer replied "some said they weren't but you know how those black cunts lie!"

[crazyhorse]

The Maori party is objecting to the 90 day work trial. They think its unreasonable of us to expect them to have a job for that long.

[crazyhorse]

Finance ministers imposed tax on sex: Kissing 10%; Hug 20%; Squeezing 30%; Smooching 50%; Fucking 90% - And you? don't worry, masturbating is still Tax FREE