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Thread: Share your txt jokes

  1. #646
    Join Date
    22nd March 2008 - 07:59
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    Suzuki Boulevard S83.2008
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    Tauranga
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    187
    I am sick of double standards.
    My girlfriend buys a "Rampant Rabbit with attachments
    and she's and she's seen as a naughty fun girl with a special
    new toy.
    But when I order a "Deluxe Fistmaster 5000 latex revolving pussy
    with realistic elasticated anus, with imitation shit dribble,
    semen collection tray, and built in sadistic rape sound system,
    Then that supposedly makes me some kind of Pervert.!!!


    "May the motorcycle god's keep your tyres pumped"

    "The shortest distance between any two points on a motorbike, is the long way round"

  2. #647
    Join Date
    7th November 2008 - 13:30
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    2007 GSX1000R
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    Hastings
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    2,140

    The Penis asks for a Pay Rise

    I hereby request a pay rise because I do physical labour at great depths. I don't get weekends or publich holidays off. I work in a wet environment in a dark place that has poor ventilation. I work in high temperatures and my work exposes me to contagious diseases.

    Yours sincerely,
    Mr P. Niss.

    RESPONSE:

    After considering your request and the arguments raised, we reject it for the following reasons:
    You need to be stimulated into starting work. You are part time and fall asleep after brief work periods. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift and you don't observe safety rules such as protective clothing. You can't work double shifts and you often dribble.

    Yours sincerely
    Ms V. Gina.

    (and yes, this was a text LOL)

  3. #648
    Join Date
    24th October 2007 - 08:19
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    West Harbour
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    1,262
    Quote Originally Posted by crazyhorse View Post
    I hereby request a pay rise because I do physical labour at great depths. I don't get weekends or publich holidays off. I work in a wet environment in a dark place that has poor ventilation. I work in high temperatures and my work exposes me to contagious diseases.

    Yours sincerely,
    Mr P. Niss.

    RESPONSE:

    After considering your request and the arguments raised, we reject it for the following reasons:
    You need to be stimulated into starting work. You are part time and fall asleep after brief work periods. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift and you don't observe safety rules such as protective clothing. You can't work double shifts and you often dribble.

    Yours sincerely
    Ms V. Gina.[/SIZE]
    You've been to my work?!
    Cats land on their feet. Toast lands jamside down.
    A cat glued to some jam toast will hover in quantum indecision


    Curiosity was framed; ignorance killed the cat

    Fix a computer and it'll break tomorrow.
    Teach its owner to fix it and it'll break in some way you've never seen before.

  4. #649
    Join Date
    25th April 2009 - 17:38
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    Quote Originally Posted by firefighter View Post
    You've been to my work?!
    You both work with the same Ms V Gina?
    "A shark on whiskey is mighty risky, but a shark on beer is a beer engineer" - Tad Ghostal

  5. #650
    Join Date
    7th November 2008 - 13:30
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    I was having my cock sucked when my wife asked me to let her know when I was coming. I thought to myself 'do I text her back or should I ring her?'

  6. #651
    Join Date
    8th November 2004 - 11:00
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    GSXR 750 the wanton hussy
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    Not in Napier now
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    I was having a wank the other day, when this woman peered at me through the window, and mouthed the words 'Get the fuck off my patio'
    Do you realise how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?

  7. #652
    Join Date
    7th November 2008 - 13:30
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    I was walking down the street just now and I saw a nigger carrying a tv. I thought, that looks like mine..... Then I remembered, mine was at home shining my shoes

  8. #653
    Join Date
    1st November 2005 - 08:18
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    Banana Republic of NZ
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    7,048
    I have duja ve.

    It's the feeling you've been dyslexic before.
    TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”

  9. #654
    Join Date
    7th November 2008 - 13:30
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    Hastings
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    You can prove a dog is mans best friend, I did.

    I locked my dog and the missus in the boot of my car for 2 hours and fuck me!

    Guess who was still happy to see me ............

  10. #655
    Join Date
    7th November 2008 - 13:30
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    I used to go out with a girl who punched me in the face when she orgasmed. I didn't mind too much, until I found out she was faking them!!!

  11. #656
    Join Date
    8th November 2004 - 11:00
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    GSXR 750 the wanton hussy
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    Experts tell us that the best way to make the perfect cup of tea is to agitate the bag. So every morning I tell her "2 sugars, fat arse!"
    Do you realise how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?

  12. #657
    Join Date
    7th November 2008 - 13:30
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    My wife just found out she's adopted.

    She's devastated, & kept asking "why didn't they want me?"

    I comforted her and after a while still crying, she asked me 2 make love 2 her, which led to more tears.

    On reflection, banging her up the arse and shouting "WHO'S YOUR DADDY?!" was a little insensitive

  13. #658
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    7th November 2008 - 13:30
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    Someone just knocked on the door selliing raffle tickets for poor black orphans.

    I said "Fuck that, with my luck I'd probably win one!"

  14. #659
    Join Date
    5th June 2005 - 18:35
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    UNZUD
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    Blog Entries
    1
    A sexy blonde asked if I prefer legs or breasts.

    I replied that I'm more into shaved pussy.

    Seems this is not an acceptable answer at KFC.
    Life is a lesson-if I bother to listen

  15. #660
    Join Date
    7th November 2008 - 13:30
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    Hastings
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    i found my dyslexic mate covering his willy with boot polish in the early hours of Sunday morning. I said 'you idiot, you're supposed to turn your clock back!'

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