Share your txt jokes

**YellowDog** · 5th April 2011, 14:06

Originally Posted by crazyhorse

i found my dyslexic mate covering his willy with boot polish in the early hours of Sunday morning. I said 'you idiot, you're supposed to turn your clock back!'

Perhaps he was trying to get into the Kiwi Badminton team

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/sport/news...ectid=10345531

**JakeTehMuss** · 5th April 2011, 14:26

******
The Missus is pissed off with me again.
Last night when she was asleep I swapped her tampon for a party popper. Yup you guessed it no fucking sense of humour!
******
In the not too distant future, Youtube, Twitter & Facebook will merge to form one giant, idiotic, super time wasting website called...
'YouTwitFace'
******
Rumour has it you got mugged last night and the robber gave you 2 options.

1. lick his balls or
2. Give him your phone.

Still have your phone I see

**crazyhorse** · 10th April 2011, 09:07

Missus thought she was funny when she said my cock resembled a Tic Tac. i asked her, if that really is the case, how come your sister still has bad breath?

**one fast tl1ooo** · 19th June 2011, 11:12

My wift has been missing a week now. police have told me to prepare for the worst,
So I went back to the charity shop to get all her fucken clothes back.

**crazyhorse** · 20th June 2011, 06:08

A jehovah witness knocked on my door this morning. I said come in and sit down. What do you want to talk about? He said: "fucked if I know, I've never got this far before!"

**crazyhorse** · 20th June 2011, 06:10

Two mates having a drink. One says "if I went to your house while you were at work, got a blowie off yr wife, sucked her tits, then fucked her in the arse and pussy, and she got pregnant, would that make us related?"

Mate replies: 'dunno about related, but it would definitely make us even!'

**Banditbandit** · 22nd June 2011, 11:39

Sorry for not calling you on New Years, I just got out of jail. I got locked up for punching the fuck out of this bloke at a party. In my defence….. When you hear an Arab counting down from 10, your instincts kick in.

A guy gets a call from the police telling him his house has been robbed. The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife. A moment of silence passes and the guy says, “I can’t believe they fucked my wife after only five cans!”

Some guy just knocked on my door selling raffle tickets for poor black orphans. I said, “Fuck that – knowing my luck, I’d win one!”

**crazyhorse** · 23rd June 2011, 15:53

Hugh Hefner has been rushed to hospital! He is awaiting the birth of his next wife .......

**JakeTehMuss** · 23rd June 2011, 19:07

A dad buys a lie detector robot which slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it at dinner.
"Son, where were you today?"
Son says "at school dad."
Robot slaps the son!
"Ok, I watched a dvd at my mates!"
"What dvd?"
"Toy story."
Robot Slaps the son again!
"Ok, it was a porno" cries the son.
"What! When I was your age I didn't know what porn was" says the dad.
Robot slaps the dad!
Mum laughs "HaHaHa! He's certainly your son!"

Robot slaps The mum!

**crazyhorse** · 25th June 2011, 09:19

I poked some grapes up my girlfriends arse during kinky sex, she didn't scream or anything, just gave out a little wine

**crazyhorse** · 25th June 2011, 09:21

Went to the cemetery the other day and saw 4 men carrying a coffin. 3
hours later, saw the same 4 men with the same coffin & I thought to myself, they've lost the fuckin plot!

**one fast tl1ooo** · 26th June 2011, 09:32

I was talking to a girl in the pub the other night, and i said "you remind me of my little toe" She said " is that because i am small and cute, "NO I replied because i will probably end up banging you on my coffee table