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Thread: Share your txt jokes

  1. #46
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    16th September 2006 - 18:46
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    Why should u never throw your old viagra out onto the lawn?
    It causes the worms 2 go rock hard and they fuck your lawnmower!
    " It appears that the website has become alive. This happens to computers and robots sometimes. Am I scared of a stupid computer? Please. The computer should be scared of me."

  2. #47
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    27th February 2005 - 08:47
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    Valentines: Flowers $80, dinner and movie $130, hotel room $200, the look on your face when she says she has her period, PRICELESS!

  3. #48
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    3rd November 2005 - 18:04
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    Just sent to me...

    Sorry to bother u but this is quite urgent! Are you able to come to a charity pancake competition tonight? Organisers have the pans and ingredients, they just need a tosser.

  4. #49
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    8th July 2006 - 22:35
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    I got a sweater for Xmas. What I really wanted was a screamer or a moaner.

  5. #50
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    8th July 2006 - 22:35
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    Thank you for your order in our sex shop, you asked for the large red vibrator in our wall display. Please reselect as that is our fire extinguisher!

  6. #51
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    3rd November 2005 - 18:04
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    I've started the new alcohol diet! It's fucken great... I've lost 3 days in the first week.

  7. #52
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    25th March 2007 - 12:04
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    Roses are red,
    Violets are corny,
    When i think of you
    Ohh baby i get horny,
    Eat me,
    Beat me,
    Bite me,
    Blow me,
    Suck me,
    Fuck me,
    Very slowly,
    if you kiss me,
    dont be sassy,
    Use your tongue and make it nasty!!!!
    No body move... I dropped my brain

  8. #53
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    31st December 2007 - 13:57
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    hhhhiiii issss ttthhhatt thhee ssexxxx shoppp thattt selllls ttthe bbiggg blackkkk vibbrattttorss??? I bbbougghttt onnne yesssterdddday, hhhooww ddoo Iii ttturrrn tthhe fffuckkkingg thhinggg offffff????

  9. #54
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    25th March 2007 - 12:04
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    sing a song of bum sex an ass full of cum 4&20 fat cocks forced up yer bum. when the orgy is over & your bum begins to sting.
    wasnt it a bad idea to take it up the ring
    No body move... I dropped my brain

  10. #55
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    27th November 2006 - 19:32
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    Congratulations from www.sweetshop.com,you have won the weight of your dick in sweets.

    To collect your tictac go to www.tinydick.com.
    Hello officer put it on my tab

    Don't steal the government hates competition.

  11. #56
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    27th November 2006 - 19:32
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    Bad taste due to events lately but shows the warped sense of humour out there,this sent to me yesterday evening.


    The chopper pilot who crashed into placemakers was unlucky,had he crashed into mitre 10 he'd be ok as everyone comes out better off at mitre 10.
    Hello officer put it on my tab

    Don't steal the government hates competition.

  12. #57
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    2nd January 2008 - 18:59
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    23 people have been reported found stuck to the walls and ceiling of a train station in Dublin. Police believe Irish Muslims have set off the first "No More Nails" bomb.
    "I want to thank you lord, so far this day. With your help i haven't been impatient, lost my temper, been grumpy, judgemental, or envious of anyone. But i will be going out in a minute and i think i will really need your help to start my bike. Amen."

  13. #58
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    18th February 2008 - 17:34
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    People who fuck Australians














    are too lazy to masturbate
    Political correctness: a doctrine which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd from the clean end.

  14. #59
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    10th June 2003 - 12:00
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    Text jokes

    A new vibrator out for just out for women is so realistic that just before she reaches her climax, it cums, farts, goes limp & switches itself off !!!

    ************************************************

    A recent study asked women if there asshole twitched after sex... ?

    98 % said no, he just lies there scratching his balls !!!

    ************************************************

    I lay in bed the other night looking at the clear sky & endless horizon...

    And in that moment of absolute tranquility I thought...

    Where the fucks my roof !!!

    ************************************************

    Husband & wife go for marriage guidance...

    When asked by the councellor if they had anything at all in common the husband replied "Yes, neither of us suck cocks" !!!

    *************************************************

    Scientists have discovered the average cock weighs about 8 ounces but cant decide what the average cunt wieghs...

    Pop on the scales & ring me back please !!!

    To finish first - first you must finish... Oh b.t.w, which way doe's Turn 1 go & whats the lap record...

  15. #60
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    4th March 2008 - 13:02
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    Quote Originally Posted by flyingcrocodile46 View Post
    People who fuck Australians














    are too lazy to masturbate
    HaHa --sad, but true

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