Share your txt jokes

**Bikkie** · 6th February 2018, 05:03

Did you know the first
French fries weren't
actullay cooked in France?
They were cooked in
Greece.

**Bikkie** · 9th February 2018, 05:08

"Paul Simon to retire
from touring after up
coming tour" At
last The Sound Of Silence!

**Bikkie** · 6th March 2018, 05:40

After sex last night
my girlfriend said
"Your easliy the
biggest I've ever
had."
Appartently
"ditto" wasn't the
correct response!

**Bikkie** · 10th March 2018, 05:50

My ex-girlfriend was so talkative and slutty
I once said to her,"Shut up hoe,your legs
are like that Taylor Swift song...They're
never getting back together."

I met a girl at the bar and she said she
wanted the night to be "Magical"
So I fucked her twice and Disappeared!

How deep is the average vagina?
Deep enough for a man to lose his
house,his car, his life savings....

Stoners should
adopt retired police dogs
so they can always find their stash.

I bought my Italian boss a
present....A tie with a large
eye printed on it....And that
my friends,is
how you do subtle racism.

I dunno why woman
are always bragging
about being able to
multi-task.It's really
just a side effect of
their complete
inabilty to make up
their mind.

I looked up an old
girlfriend the other
day.One of the perks
of being a
gynaecologist.

When I was still in
high school I was
found in possion of
cocaine and got given
a hundred lines.Fuck
those were the days.

My wife's into S&M
She sleeps I
masturbate.

What's the closest
thing to a woman's
period? Your salary-
It comes once a
month,lasts between
5 and 7 days and if it
doesn't come you're
fucked!

We can all agree Jimmy Saville
was a terrible human being but
he did do great work backstage
at top of the pops.Rumour has it
he introduced Cream to Small Faces.

**Bikkie** · 11th March 2018, 05:01

Going back to your ex is like trying
to reheat McDonalds in the
microwave.

Women are like bacon
they look good,
they smell good,
they taste good,
and they will slowly kill you!

Arguing with a woman
is like reading the softwave
licence agreement.
In the end you
have to ignore everything
and click "I agree"

**Bikkie** · 30th March 2018, 05:23

My wife caught me looking at our
fit neighbour."The grass isn't
always greener on the other side of
the fence." she said,"Maybe not."
I replied,"but the cows do normally
have nicer tits though."

A woman rubs a lamp a genie then
pops out and grants her one wish.
Next night the Ku Klux Klan call at
her door and asks if she is the
woman that wanted her husband
hung like nigger.

**Bikkie** · 31st March 2018, 04:48

LOL
Texting acronyms
can stump even
the best parents:

DAUGHTER: I got an A
in chemistry!

MUM: WTF,well done!

Daughter: Mum what
do you think WTF means?

MUM: Well That's
Fantastic.

MUM: What do IDK,LY &
TTYL mean?

SON: I don't know love
you,talk to you later.

MUM: Ok I'll ask your sister.

**Daffyd** · 2nd April 2018, 11:59

Where there's a will... there's a relative!

**Bikkie** · 3rd April 2018, 06:52

A whiskey glass and
a woman's ass are
the downfall of
many a good man.

Don't make
old people
MAD
We didn't like
being old in the
first place
So it doesn't
take much to
PISS US OFF.

You can't always
control who walks
into your life
but you can control
which window to
throw them out!!

**Bikkie** · 8th April 2018, 05:28

My 5 year old son just asked me
what a cunt is.'Don't ever say
that word again" I said firmly..'It's
a very naughty word. It's another
word for a vagina." "Daddy what's
a vagina?" He asked,"Erm well
it's something special." I told
him."Oh that's good." He answered.
"I heard mummy talking about you
to her friends today and she thinks
you're something very special."

Woman: "Does viagra work?"
Pharmacist: "Yes" woman:..."Can you get
it over the counter?"
Pharmacist: "Yes if I
take two."

To make it stand,
you wet it.To make
it wet,you suck it.
To make it stiff,you
lick it.To get it in,
you push it! Damn!
Threading a
needle at any age is no joke!

**Daffyd** · 13th April 2018, 14:54

Last night there was a seminar on how to withhold orgasms.

Nobody came!

**Bikkie** · 14th April 2018, 06:52

Claiming anyone who wears a
confederate flag is Racist
is just as sterotyping as
claiming,anyone wearing
a hoodie is a Gangsta.

Please Help.I've been given this cute
little puppy but my wife says I can't
have another dog.I need to find her a
good home for her.
She's 51,non smoker,cleans
up well,and a good cook.

A slutty girl's favorite line is
"Don't judge me
you don't know what
I've been through"
Yes I do.Dicks.
Lots and lots of dicks.

Don't wait till your deathbed to tell
people how you feel.
Tell them to fuck off now.

Men are usually too
focused on
the cleavage in the shirt to
notice the crazy in the eyes.

You know it's gonna be
a good blow job
when she puts on a
breathe right strip.

**Bikkie** · 17th April 2018, 06:59

Love is like a fart.If you have to
force it,it's probbly going to be
shit.....!!!

The Moody Blues,A band named
after a smurf on her period.

Why use a condom when you
can use a false name?