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Thread: Share your txt jokes

  1. #1051
    Join Date
    21st June 2016 - 08:52
    Bike
    1976 Honda 125
    Location
    Wellington
    Posts
    5

    Smile Text Joke

    Two women are
    putting out their
    washing and
    talking over the
    garden fence.
    "Hey Sharon,
    how come you
    only hang out your
    washing on
    the good days?
    This changing
    weather never
    catches you out."
    "Well,Tracey.
    What I do in the
    morning is I lift
    up the sheets and
    if my Barry's dick
    is leaning to the
    left,it's be a fine
    day for the
    washing." "Really,
    Sharon?" "Yes.
    And if my Barry's
    dick is leaning to
    the right,I know
    it'll rain." "Great,
    I'll have to try
    that.And what do
    you do if it sticks
    up straight?"
    "Fuck the
    washing!

  2. #1052
    Join Date
    21st June 2016 - 08:52
    Bike
    1976 Honda 125
    Location
    Wellington
    Posts
    5

    Smile Text Joke

    You know how you
    get that urge to
    eat something just
    cause its there?...
    Yeah I lost my job
    as a gynaecologist
    today.

  3. #1053
    Join Date
    21st June 2016 - 08:52
    Bike
    1976 Honda 125
    Location
    Wellington
    Posts
    5

    Smile Text Joke

    American logic:
    The average Vagina can
    take up to 8 inches of
    dick.The average dick
    is 5.6 inches,which
    means that per woman,
    there is on average
    about 2.4 inches being
    left unused! That's
    roughly 159.62 miles of
    unused Pussy just in
    New York alone!

  4. #1054
    Join Date
    21st June 2016 - 08:52
    Bike
    1976 Honda 125
    Location
    Wellington
    Posts
    5

    Smile Text Jokes

    why do Dasher and
    Dancer love coffee?
    Because they're
    Santa's star bucks.

  5. #1055
    Join Date
    21st June 2016 - 08:52
    Bike
    1976 Honda 125
    Location
    Wellington
    Posts
    5

    Smile Text Joke

    "Hey,son do you know
    where your Dad is?"
    "Yes Mum,I think he's
    at Aunty Linda's
    playing pin The Tail
    On The Donkey."
    "Don't be silly,what
    makes you think that?"
    "Well,I heard him on
    the phone saying,I'll
    be round in five minutes
    to nail your ass."

  6. #1056
    Join Date
    21st June 2016 - 08:52
    Bike
    1976 Honda 125
    Location
    Wellington
    Posts
    5

    Smile Text Joke

    Winter is approaching
    and our native birds
    will soon be finding
    food scarce.
    Please go to the pet
    shop and buy a bag of
    nuts....There is
    no finer sight on
    a winters morning
    than a pair of tits
    round Ya nut sack,
    however it's a bit
    early to expect a
    swallow

  7. #1057
    Join Date
    21st June 2016 - 08:52
    Bike
    1976 Honda 125
    Location
    Wellington
    Posts
    5

    Smile Text Joke

    When my daughter's black
    boyfriend unbelievably
    rubbed a genie out of a
    lamp at an antiques store,
    It was unbelievable when
    he was granted one wish
    but I couldn't understand
    what he asked for as he
    mostly speaks in ebonics.
    I then laughed quite a bit
    though as when we left,a
    few cops instantly came up
    and found cocaine on him
    and arrested him!
    I then asked my daughter if
    that had something to do with
    the genie,and she groaned,"I
    think Jamal really doesn't
    know the difference between
    reincarnated and reincarcerated

  8. #1058
    Join Date
    21st June 2016 - 08:52
    Bike
    1976 Honda 125
    Location
    Wellington
    Posts
    5

    Smile Text Joke

    Sex with my wife is like my
    bank account.
    I put it in,lose interest
    and take it out again.

  9. #1059
    Join Date
    21st June 2016 - 08:52
    Bike
    1976 Honda 125
    Location
    Wellington
    Posts
    5

    Smile Text Joke

    My wife walked into the
    kitchen this morning and
    instead of saying good
    morning she said "White
    Rabbit" I immediately
    replied "Jefferson
    Airplane,late 1960's" She
    just glared at me. W.T.F



    Confucious say: Man who
    have sex on innerspring
    have offspring next
    spring.

  10. #1060
    Join Date
    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
    Bike
    Suzuki 250 1976
    Location
    Lower Hutt
    Posts
    0

    Smile Text Joke

    I asked this young woman at my gym
    what her New Year's resolution was,
    She said, "Fuck You" So I'm pretty
    excited about my upcoming New Year.

  11. #1061
    Join Date
    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
    Bike
    Suzuki 250 1976
    Location
    Lower Hutt
    Posts
    0

    Thumbs up Text Joke

    Have you seen how
    expensive funerals are
    nowadays?
    Just before I die, I'm going
    to change my name to
    'OFF' That way when
    the car is driving to the
    graveyard with my coffin
    in it, The flowers on top of
    the coffin will spell
    "R. I. P OFF".


    I was in the pharmacy
    waiting for my
    prescription when this
    pretty assistant started
    flirting with me...
    So as I waited I couldn't
    help but ask, do you take
    it up the arse or do you
    swallow... That was when
    she called the police
    You know to this day I
    still don't know what I'm
    supposed to do with my
    suppositories.

  12. #1062
    Join Date
    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
    Bike
    Suzuki 250 1976
    Location
    Lower Hutt
    Posts
    0

    Smile Text Joke

    Just been watching
    women's golf on Sky

    So like real life...

    They're shit at driving but
    great with an iron.

  13. #1063
    Join Date
    1st November 2005 - 08:18
    Bike
    F-117.
    Location
    Banana Republic of NZ
    Posts
    7,046
    Okay, it’s over, it’s done. No more jokes about that ship stuck in the Suez Canal. That ship has sailed.
    TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”

  14. #1064
    Join Date
    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
    Bike
    Suzuki 250 1976
    Location
    Lower Hutt
    Posts
    0

    Smile Text Joke

    "This girl got her massive
    tits out the other day when
    I was playing poker" I told
    my mate.

    "Hold em?" He said?

    "No" I said "I was too busy
    playing cards."

  15. #1065
    Join Date
    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
    Bike
    Suzuki 250 1976
    Location
    Lower Hutt
    Posts
    0

    Smile Text Joke

    My wife was getting sick
    of me buying her stupid
    gifts.
    "Next one you buy, I’m
    gonna fucking burn it."
    So I bought her a candle.

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