Share your txt jokes

**Squid** · 29th April 2009, 15:21

There was explosion in the pie factory in South Dunedin about 10 this morning.

3.14159 dead

**icekiwi** · 29th April 2009, 15:24

A 2 seater aircraft crashed into an Irish cemertry a couple of days ago....
So far they have recoverd 378 bodies...

**MSTRS:Me** · 29th April 2009, 15:29

A naked man in front of the mirror, says to his wife "Why do I always get a hardon when I look at myself?" She replies "It's cos your cock thinks you're a cunt too"

**MSTRS:Me** · 29th April 2009, 15:30

6 retards wanking in a hot-tub. AKA cream of vegetable soup.

**MSTRS:Me** · 29th April 2009, 15:33

2 Irish soldiers in Iraq. Paddy steps on a mine and screams "Murphy, I've lost me legs!" Murphy says "Yore a fokin liar...they're over there"

**jack_hamma** · 2nd May 2009, 11:45

what is the difference between a train carriage and a miss carriage?

you cant eat a train carriage

**naphazoline** · 2nd May 2009, 13:01

1st we had the bird flu,and we had to kill millions of birds.
Then we got the swine flu,and will probably have to kill millions of pigs.

I can't wait till we get the asian flu.

Michael jackson at the birth of his son,said to his wife,"How long till we can have sex"?
Wife Debbie replies,"For fucks sake.Give him a chance to walk first"!!!

Uncle bob sees a shop with a sign in the window that says,"Pies.50cents,Wanks $1."
He asks the girl behind the counter,"are you the one who gives the wanks."
"Yes" she replies. "Well wash your fucking hands.I want a pie."

Mate,i'm a bit worried about you,and want you to go for a swine flu test.
I know you haven't been to mexico but FUCK ME,you have been with some pigs in your time!!

**kevfromcoro** · 2nd May 2009, 15:39

Think my wife is showing signs of the swine flu...

She got a ring through her nose... and stopped rooting

**gates** · 2nd May 2009, 21:19

my gran was telling me that men aren;t as polite & kind as they when she was young. I had to explain its because they;re not trying to fuck her anymore

**Squid** · 3rd May 2009, 13:02

Nude woman stands infront of mirror & says 2 her hubby
"I look fat & ugly, pay me a compliment."
Hubby says ur eyesights fuckin spot on!

Did you heard about the man who was run over by a steam train? He was chuffed to bits.

Spicer · 9th May 2009, 09:31

Mick was in trouble after his wife asked him where he was taking her on her birthday.Apparently,"Up the arse," wasn't the right answer.

Man goes for a blood test.After nurse pricks his finger she sucks it.Man starts dancing about.Nurse asks why are you dancing?Man says.im having a urine test next.

Why is orgasm a 6 letter word? It's easier to spell than: ohmygodshityesdeeperyesgodnopleasenoshityesohfucki noyesyesyesshitohgodfuckinghellyes.

**FJRider** · 9th May 2009, 10:10

Prayer of the aged.

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and ...
the eyesight to be able to tell the difference...

**dasser** · 15th May 2009, 21:16

My wife hasn't talked to me 4 six months. I considered leaving but women like that are hard to find.

Scientists are trying to cross an Abbo with a Maori.....They are hoping to breed something that is too fucking lazy to steal anything.

Doctors have discovered that single women can't fart. Apparently they don't have a arsehole until they get married.