Share your txt jokes

Spicer · 30th December 2009, 19:25

2 irish men are in the pub chattin.Paddy sez "If i shag ure wife & she has a kid,"will that make us related?" "NO" sez Mick,"that"ll make us even."

**Monkeynz** · 30th December 2009, 19:30

A blowfly eats his fill of cowshit, climbs up shovel handle then jumps to fly away but falls to his death. MORAL OF THE STORY- If you're full of shit then don't fly off the handle!

Spicer · 30th December 2009, 19:30

BRAVERY IS...
Arriving home after a boozy nite,being confronted by missus with broom & having the guts 2 ask "R u still cleaning or r u flying somewhere?"

**Monkeynz** · 30th December 2009, 19:33

If you had a friend called Jack and Jack helped you off a horse, would you help Jack off a horse too?

Spicer · 30th December 2009, 19:33

Wots the difference between light & hard?
You can sleep with the light on.

**Monkeynz** · 30th December 2009, 19:36

How come when your wife's pregnant, all her female friends rub her tummy and say congratulations! But none of them rub your cock and say well done!

**Monkeynz** · 30th December 2009, 19:38

Originally Posted by Spicer

Wots the difference between light & hard?
You can sleep with the light on.

What does a woman's vagina and a tin roof have in common? If you don't nail it good enough it might end up at the neighbours house!

**Monkeynz** · 30th December 2009, 19:40

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did in his sleep, not screaming like the passengers in his car!

Spicer · 30th December 2009, 19:43

Police scanner just reported a drunk naked idoit wearing snow boots ,singing im a believer,riding a lawn mower down the highway!
WHERE THE FUCK R U GOING?

**Monkeynz** · 30th December 2009, 19:47

I was at the ATM the other day when an old lady came up and asked me to check her balance..... so I pushed her over!

**Monkeynz** · 30th December 2009, 19:49

I was outside yesterday and saw my Afghan neighbour really shaking a carpet. I shouted over to him "Whats the matter Abdul, won't it fuckin start?"

Spicer · 30th December 2009, 19:50

I know a maori whose name is jim,i luv throwing tomatoes hard at him,tomatoes are soft & hurt the skin,but these fuckers do,coz they're still in the tin!

**crazyhorse** · 30th December 2009, 19:51

15 year old girl sites on Santa's knee.

he asks "what would you like for Christmas?"

Girl says "I want some hair around my fanny"

Santa says "would a white beard be ok?"

**Monkeynz** · 30th December 2009, 19:54

Next time you call in sick 2 work, tell them you have "Anal Blindness" If they ask "what's that?" Tell them "I can't see my arse coming into work today."