Share your txt jokes

**icekiwi** · 20th July 2008, 16:44

Why was the Papal visit held at Randwick Racecourse?
Cause its the only place you can legaly ride 3yr old....

**fatzx10r** · 24th July 2008, 06:40

i just finished my first novel, its about siamese twins joined at the nose. its called "what the fuck are you looking at?"

**icekiwi** · 29th July 2008, 18:52

Today a man was admitted to middlemore hospital with a toy horse jammed up his arse.....
Doctors describe his condition as stable.....

**rottiguy** · 29th July 2008, 19:25

A guy goes into a bar and walks up to a chick " ya want a fuck" she says " sorry I'm on my menstrual cycle" he says " sweet I'm on my scooter I'll follow you home"

**325rocket** · 29th July 2008, 19:40

whats the difference between jam and marmalade?
you cant "marmalade" your cock up your girlfriends arse.

**Patrick** · 29th July 2008, 21:27

Bruce walks into the room with a sheep under his arm and says, "Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache. His wife is lying in bed and replies, "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot." He says, "I think you'll find that I wasn't talking to you."

Man robs bank and takes hostages. Asks first man "did you see me rob the bank?" Man says yes, he shoots him in the head. Asks 2nd man "did you see me rob the bank?" "No, but my wife did."

What does it mean when your wife is naked on all fours with cum dribbling out of both sides of her mouth? The floor is level.

**Goblin** · 3rd August 2008, 10:55

Sidecar bob walks into a tattoo parlor and asks to have BMW tattooed on his cock. Tattooist says your better to have Land Rover with the amount of shit it's been through.

**madandy** · 3rd August 2008, 11:42

Woman visits her Doctor and say 'my vagina keeps singing waltzing matilda'!!
Doctor says 'don't worry luv, a lot of cunts are singing that lately.'

**ynot slow** · 3rd August 2008, 18:17

One sent recently to me.

Three tampons,tampax,libra and stayfree are walking down the street,which one stops and says hello to you?

None they're all stuck up cunts.

**oldguy** · 3rd August 2008, 21:10

New sex position called RODEO...Get in2 doggy style & hold her breasts, then tell her they feel like her sisters and try holding on for 7 seconds.

Spicer · 17th January 2009, 08:27

Next time u call in sick 2 work,tell them u have "Anal Blindness" If they ask what's that? Tell them "I can't see my arse comin into work 2day"

**kevfromcoro** · 17th January 2009, 09:05

An abo walks into a bar with a segull on his shoulder
where did you get that says the barman
seagull replies
plenty more down at the tip

**mdnzz** · 17th January 2009, 09:12

Gorgeous blond just asked me if I prefer legs or breasts. I said in all honesty I'm more into shaved fannies these days. Apparently this is not an acceptable answer at KFC!!..

Why do oysters improve your sex life.....coz if you'll eat that shit you'll eat anything.......

I'm getting sick of charity collectors, other day some woman from the sperm bank was knocking on my door. I can tell you I gave her a right mouthful....

If sometimes you feel a little useless or dissapointed just remember YOU were once the fastest and most victorious sperm outta millions....

Wife comes home to find her hubby shaggin a midget. She screams you lying bastard you told me you wouldn't cheat on me again. He say calm down can't you see I'm trying to cut down??..

Genetic scientists in the USA have used genes from Michael Jackson and Arnold Schwarzanegger to create a clone. They have named it Michael Wasanigger!!..

**kevfromcoro** · 17th January 2009, 09:21

in a recent survey into blowjobs,, and why men like them so much,, 13% liked the feeling,9% liked the excitement,,and 78% just liked the fucking silence