Share your txt jokes

[one fast tl1ooo]

Two men talking, one says why have your wife and your daughter got the same name??? So i dont shout out the wrong name during sex...

[crazyhorse]

I was in bed with a new girlfriend last night and she said I had the biggest cock she had ever laid her hands on!

I said "you're pulling my leg"

[Ryder]

Wife say to hubby "why do you keep changing channels"? Hubby says "there's porn on one channel and golf on the other". Wife says "watch the porn, you know how to play golf".

[Ryder]

Husband says "I fancy kinky sex tonight, can I cum in your ear?". Wife says "No, I might go deaf!". Husband says "I've been cumming in your mouth for 20 years and your still talking!"

[Stirts]

A recent survey done by marriage experts shows that the most common form of marriage proposal these days consists of the words: “You’re what?!?”

[one fast tl1ooo]

How did Burger King get Diary Queen Pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his whopper.

[one fast tl1ooo]

A man is driving happily along when he is pulled over by the police. The copper approaches him and politely asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?"
"Why?" snorts the man. "Is there a fat bird in my car?"

[crazyhorse]

Irishman takes his goldfish to the vet and says its got epilepsy.

The vet says "it looks calm enough to me"

Paddy replies "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet!"

[slofox]

A man is driving happily along when he is pulled over by the police. The copper approaches him and politely asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?"
"Why?" snorts the man. "Is there a fat bird in my car?"

"You must spread the...nernerner...."

...

[crazyhorse]

Why don't blind men skydive? Cos it scares the hell out of the dog

[eelracing]

A girl askes her doctor "How many calories are in cum?"

Doc replies "Honey,if you swallow,nobody cares if your fat."

[Ryder]

Man says to his wife : Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife : Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged.

Why is a woman 20.000 $ worth and a man only 2$? A woman has a milk factory, a mussel farm and a sawmill; a man a sausage, 2 bitterballs and a little pot of mayonnaise.

Why did the blonde sneak past the pharmacy? ................. She did not want to wake the sleeping tablets!

Do you think I can live for another fourty years? ... Do you drink? ... No! ... Do you smoke? ... No! ... Do you visit the whores? ... No! ....... Why do you want to live another fourty years?

Yo mama's so fat that when she walks across the living room, the radio skips

Yo grannie's so fat, on each of her butt cheeks she has "Place Your Ad Here" printed.

Yo mama's a stunt double for the Predator

Yo mama is so bad, when she got called for jury duty she was found guilty.

Yo sista so fat that she gets runs in her Levi's

Yo mama's so fat, she ain't on a diet, she's on a Triet - She's all like - "Whatever yo eating ... I'll try it!"

Yo Mother in law's so fat, she was floating in the Atlantic ocean and Spain claimed her as a New World.

Yo mama's so fat, she gobbles down Cookies as if they were tic-tacs

Your moma's so stupid she thinks a 17 inch Admiral is a well hung sailor.

Yo mama's so large, she went to get an all over tan and the sun burned out...

Your mamma's so fat, the body snatchers called home for backup.

Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Tiger Woods is a forest in India.

You mama's so daft she thought Chubby Checkers was a game for fat people.

Yo Nana so ugly she didn't get hit with an ugly stick, but with THE ugly log.

I was speaking to your parents - they told me you was such an ugly baby they had to feed you with a slingshot.

Yo' kid brother so hairy, when I took him to the zoo the gorillas went ape shit thinking I had stole one of their babies...

Yo mama only got 1 finger and runs around stealing key rings.

Yo auntie Ethel's so toothless, it took her an hour to eat minute rice.

Yo mama's like the new AOL 7.0: Fast, fun, oh so easy and you get 100 hours FREE

[crazyhorse]

Three witches are in the showe naked. A ghost appears and flashes his penis and says "hocus pocus"

They reply: "fuck hocus..... just pocus!"

[one fast tl1ooo]

Why do men like love at first sight? Because he knows it's all over as soon as she opens her mouth.

[one fast tl1ooo]

What is the thinnest book in the world? Biographies of Happy women